Need to pick someone’s brain.

[Mozzi]

Some say I’am obsessed with my guitars. Or, my son will say, “what ya thinking about? I know, your guitars”. If I am not playing you can be sure I have a song spinning on the strings in my head. Guitar is my life. If I have a set list agenda you know that I come prepared to play and not, I haven’t had time or whatever excuse they can come up with.


This above is my mentality in dealing with ppl who play in a band with me. Either be a responsible musician or just leave.

It’s really a crazy busy journey trying to keep life on track as well as a band but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

That is the issue - trying to find a group of musicians with the same motivation, dedication and passion as yourself. There is always one that seems to have the most drive and ambition and usually one that has little and more into the 'social' side than the hard graft it takes to actually bring in a crowd and have a dedicated following.

If its 'not' fulfilling you, then I would look elsewhere - especially if you have sat down and discussed whether they are as serious as you are about this band. It may well be better to think about being a Solo artist and spend your time writing music, jamming with 'backing tracks/loops' etc and then bring in 'musicians' into 'your' band. Jamming and rehearsing for 'gigs' with 'your' band will give you that playing with others as well, but that backing band can be 'flexible'. You may need 2 or 3 drummers, bassists etc to call upon if others are 'unavailable' for a short time.

I know many musicians who had a LOT of drive and ambition that became completely disillusioned with the 'band' idea because there was always at least one that would let him down, not turn up to rehearsals, gigs on time, would rather go out to the Pub than to band practice. They either end up jumping from band to band to band until they find a 'group' that's at a similar level of drive, ambition and skill, where success is keeping them motivated and together, or have gone 'Solo' - either being a Session musician called up for gigs, recording work etc for a Solo artist, or are that Solo artist.

You don't owe anyone anything - although I would say being honest and discuss it with your band-mates too. It might just be the 'kick up the backside' they need, maybe gets them to think about their own ambition and drive, maybe even push some 'dead-wood' out to bring in someone with that 'drive' and energy to match that pushes your band on. At the very least, you are letting them know you are 'not' getting what you need/expect from them and that you will have to start looking to play with others - even if that's jamming with no plans to 'leave' the current band...

 

[sergiodeblanc]

Ummm, you didn’t know that most churches now have full bands doing U2 style music now???

She want etrog?

 

[gush]

With the exception of the first and last band I was in, I was ALWAYS the guy that booked the gigs, had trailer to haul gear in, stored gear, found practice spots, worked of issues that needed corrected and eventually set up a rehearsal spot in my house. I even set up a small PA and bought electronic drums to control volume. Having this set up at my house meant that 10 minutes after everybody showed up we were working.

It was so exhausting.

In my last band I really tried to be the guy that just showed up to play but I'm actually the guy that hears issues or sees potential problems and works to solve them.

My anger grew from our crybaby singer who owned a wireless mic as "his gear". Always complained and never improved. Not much invested but always wanted cash.

After all the immature frustrating things he brought to the band, he rolled cabinets over my expensive intex cables and tore the tolex on my prs case. That was it, I finally blew my stack.

I hope that I have one more band left in me. I'm 57 and feel discomfort every day so heavy gear will kill it for me. I have been working with a group that writes original material. I've recorded a bunch of guitar tracks for them and have done a few live shows but turmoil has struck so not sure where that will end up.

We shall see.

 

[jxe]

Ummm, you didn’t know that most churches now have full bands doing U2 style music now???

like i need another reason to sleep in on sundays.

 

[gush]

My body is a temple.

My temples hurt but not as much as my body.......

 

[JasonE]

With the exception of the first and last band I was in, I was ALWAYS the guy that booked the gigs, had trailer to haul gear in, stored gear, found practice spots, worked of issues that needed corrected and eventually set up a rehearsal spot in my house. I even set up a small PA and bought electronic drums to control volume. Having this set up at my house meant that 10 minutes after everybody showed up we were working.

It was so exhausting.

In my last band I really tried to be the guy that just showed up to play but I'm actually the guy that hears issues or sees potential problems and works to solve them.

My anger grew from our crybaby singer who owned a wireless mic as "his gear". Always complained and never improved. Not much invested but always wanted cash.

After all the immature frustrating things he brought to the band, he rolled cabinets over my expensive intex cables and tore the tolex on my prs case. That was it, I finally blew my stack.

I hope that I have one more band left in me. I'm 57 and feel discomfort every day so heavy gear will kill it for me. I have been working with a group that writes original material. I've recorded a bunch of guitar tracks for them and have done a few live shows but turmoil has struck so not sure where that will end up.

We shall see.

I am similar. I seem to always be the guy making things run. I book the gigs, I own the PA, I pay everyone, I manage the set lists and pay for a service so others have easy access to the lists, songs and recordings to learn from and practice. I have way more money and time invested in these things than anyone else in the band. It has been that way for many years. I finally decided a good while back that I was already keeping everything going so I was not going to put up with bad attitudes or crappy players in the band. I got good at figuring people out fast and was able to built a few bands that had very little drama in them. They were a lot of work for me but we all enjoyed being in them.

I haven't been in a band now since the fall of 2019. I keep getting the itch to do it again but I really don't want the work this time. I have all of the stuff still. I just don't want to be the guy doing it all. I am the same age you are. I am in good physical shape so it isn't about moving the equipment around. It is more about me not being as forgiving as I used to be on people's BS. I just have no patience for it anymore at this age. I also work a day job that can be pretty demanding mentally. I don't have the patience anymore to add more of someone's else crap to my day. I keep going back and forth on whether to try another band or try to get motivated to create my own music and record it and get my fix that way.

 

[shinksma]

Don’t get married to a band, be a slut.

Unless you're married to someone in the band...



My five-member band has two married couples.

 

[Bogner]

I am similar. I seem to always be the guy making things run. I book the gigs, I own the PA, I pay everyone, I manage the set lists and pay for a service so others have easy access to the lists, songs and recordings to learn from and practice. I have way more money and time invested in these things than anyone else in the band. It has been that way for many years. I finally decided a good while back that I was already keeping everything going so I was not going to put up with bad attitudes or crappy players in the band. I got good at figuring people out fast and was able to built a few bands that had very little drama in them. They were a lot of work for me but we all enjoyed being in them.

I haven't been in a band now since the fall of 2019. I keep getting the itch to do it again but I really don't want the work this time. I have all of the stuff still. I just don't want to be the guy doing it all. I am the same age you are. I am in good physical shape so it isn't about moving the equipment around. It is more about me not being as forgiving as I used to be on people's BS. I just have no patience for it anymore at this age. I also work a day job that can be pretty demanding mentally. I don't have the patience anymore to add more of someone's else crap to my day. I keep going back and forth on whether to try another band or try to get motivated to create my own music and record it and get my fix that way.

It is a business and should be looked at and managed as such.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

Unless you're married to someone in the band...



My five-member band has two married couples.

^this^ and the rest of the family!

 

[shinksma]

Another thread that I posted in today touches on this, but:

I'm in a five-member band with two close friends who are now a married couple, my wife, and another person. The other couple and my wife and I are very good friends who live very near each other, so it is easy for us to have frequent and sometimes spur-of-the-moment practices.

I'm not sure I could focus on being in a band if we weren't around each other so much.

The most experienced band mate in my band (I will call her "J") was in another band previously (slightly overlapping with our band), but it fizzled when the rest of that band got too busy with other things. For one or two it was family, for another two (who were also a married couple, lol) it was other recreational interests (theme parks - they love the Star Wars stuff at Disney/Hollywood Studios).

I understand that. If you aren't making any useful money, and it starts to become "work", then I would walk away too.

Which is why "J" so appreciates our band, and the band is most certainly our priority for making music.

 

[László]

Ewwwwww

My cardiologist tells me that every time he takes me into the Cath Lab for touch-ups to Stent City, (aka my cardiovascular system).

In gratitude, he's also named a wing of his mansion after me.

 

[Mike J.]

Didn't read through everything here, so sorry if I missed it. What's life like for all the band members? Spouses? Kids? Working long hours? Band members ages? Other priorites?

Like the line says: Life is what happens when you're making other plans.

 

[theDeepender]

Unless you're married to someone in the band...



My five-member band has two married couples.

Good deal!
Until the groupies start hanging around too much.

 

[RickP]

Late to the party, Lola, but I’ve sure been in your situation before. Nothing gets people more serious than seeing a bandmate getting active with another band or getting informed you’re looking for a replacement for them because they don’t have time to prep for gigs. And if it doesn’t motivate them, you need to treat them like Typhoid Mary.

I‘ve seen great musicians quit gigging altogether over the frustrations the interpersonal circle-jerk bring on. I’ve actually been the guy, twice, that replaced a guy who was uncommitted or committed to something else. Group up with the ones who show up, replace the ones that don’t, and get yourself stage-bound. Get that dream.

 

[gush]

I am similar. I seem to always be the guy making things run. I book the gigs, I own the PA, I pay everyone, I manage the set lists and pay for a service so others have easy access to the lists, songs and recordings to learn from and practice. I have way more money and time invested in these things than anyone else in the band. It has been that way for many years. I finally decided a good while back that I was already keeping everything going so I was not going to put up with bad attitudes or crappy players in the band. I got good at figuring people out fast and was able to built a few bands that had very little drama in them. They were a lot of work for me but we all enjoyed being in them.

I haven't been in a band now since the fall of 2019. I keep getting the itch to do it again but I really don't want the work this time. I have all of the stuff still. I just don't want to be the guy doing it all. I am the same age you are. I am in good physical shape so it isn't about moving the equipment around. It is more about me not being as forgiving as I used to be on people's BS. I just have no patience for it anymore at this age. I also work a day job that can be pretty demanding mentally. I don't have the patience anymore to add more of someone's else crap to my day. I keep going back and forth on whether to try another band or try to get motivated to create my own music and record it and get my fix that way.

I forgot to mention that I owned all the PA gear too.

I did get a ittle smarter though.......when I bought a brand new H&H trailer in 2007 I told the guys that since my current trailer was wore out and that I didn't ask for compensation for owning the gear, hauling the gear, storing the gear and so on that I wanted the next 1000.00 the band made to go to me for a one time contribution.

The drummer asked...."can you buy one for a grand?"..............I said aaaah noooo. Then he asked " do we all own the trailer?" And again I said aaaaaah nooooo.

 

[aphantomvaper]

Bands are tough. Definitely check out the other people its worth it!

I'm in three bands and one is about to fall apart at any time due to the issues you describe. At 55 I have way more music ambition than I did at 40.

Don't let other slow you down, do what you love. I love the fact you're busking to get out!!

 

[Deleted member 5962]

Unless you're married to someone in the band...



My five-member band has two married couples.

That, while presenting it's own set of "other" dynamics, would make it a WHOLE LOT easier to get commitment and schedules aligned for a 5 person band, of 4 of them are married to each other.

 

[Permanent Waves]

With the exception of the first and last band I was in, I was ALWAYS the guy that booked the gigs, had trailer to haul gear in, stored gear, found practice spots, worked of issues that needed corrected and eventually set up a rehearsal spot in my house. I even set up a small PA and bought electronic drums to control volume. Having this set up at my house meant that 10 minutes after everybody showed up we were working.

It was so exhausting.

In my last band I really tried to be the guy that just showed up to play but I'm actually the guy that hears issues or sees potential problems and works to solve them.

My anger grew from our crybaby singer who owned a wireless mic as "his gear". Always complained and never improved. Not much invested but always wanted cash.

After all the immature frustrating things he brought to the band, he rolled cabinets over my expensive intex cables and tore the tolex on my prs case. That was it, I finally blew my stack.

I hope that I have one more band left in me. I'm 57 and feel discomfort every day so heavy gear will kill it for me. I have been working with a group that writes original material. I've recorded a bunch of guitar tracks for them and have done a few live shows but turmoil has struck so not sure where that will end up.

We shall see.

I sympathize with this post so much since it's my exact situation. I'm at an age where I sometimes think I don't have it in me to put up with one more band and the BS that goes with it. Our previous drummer ghosted us after 18 months of mostly cancelled rehearsals and me setting him up on the rehearsal drum kit which I supply (this was pre-COVID). All he had to do was show up with his sticks and when that became too much for him, we offered to move the jams to his place to accommodate him and he ghosted us. Sometimes the people you do the most for are the least committed, so now I only go for people who are willing to lay some skin in the game.

You have to dig around to find people with the right attitude and the same mindset. I won't even hold any cold calls or auditions without a personal recommendation from a trustworthy source and checking the person out ahead of time. I once drove 120 kilometers to audition a bassist who bought his bass the day before and left the tag on so he could return it if it didn't pan out. You have to follow your gut and FAIL FAST - if it's not going to work out, move on. I'm glad I achieved most of my goals in the past because today, I have a hard time visualizing a scenario where I can rehearse 2 hours of stage-ready material with a full band to do a gig. This was table stakes 20 years ago, now it's a pipe dream.

 

[JasonE]

I forgot to mention that I owned all the PA gear too.

I did get a ittle smarter though.......when I bought a brand new H&H trailer in 2007 I told the guys that since my current trailer was wore out and that I didn't ask for compensation for owning the gear, hauling the gear, storing the gear and so on that I wanted the next 1000.00 the band made to go to me for a one time contribution.

The drummer asked...."can you buy one for a grand?"..............I said aaaah noooo. Then he asked " do we all own the trailer?" And again I said aaaaaah nooooo.

I swear you and I have led parallel lives. I used to have a trailer with all of my PA gear in it as well. I tried to implement a percentage off the top plan for the PA usage. I told everyone that if something goes down, I am the one that has to spend the money to get it fixed before the next gig. People get really strange when you are not splitting the money equally across all members regardless of how much each person is contributing. I told them we can either do this or we can rent gear and someone to run it. My percentage was much less than renting. One guy in the first band I tried that with actually said that if someone owns something the band needs we should be able to use it for free. This is a guy that used to show up with an acoustic guitar and a mic with a stand and expect me to provide a direct box and all of the cables to get him up and running. I was never able to get anyone else to pitch in from the money end. I barely got them to help even load stuff in and out. I was always the guy setting it up and tearing it down. I am kind of over that now. That is why I am struggling with whether to try another band or not. I had someone reach out recently and I just ignored them because I am just not sure if I have the energy these days. It will take just one load of BS to make me quit so I figured it would be better to just take more time.

I sympathize with this post so much since it's my exact situation. I'm at an age where I sometimes think I don't have it in me to put up with one more band and the BS that goes with it. Our previous drummer ghosted us after 18 months of mostly cancelled rehearsals and me setting him up on the rehearsal drum kit which I supply (this was pre-COVID). All he had to do was show up with his sticks and when that became too much for him, we offered to move the jams to his place to accommodate him and he ghosted us. Sometimes the people you do the most for are the least committed, so now I only go for people who are willing to lay some skin in the game.

You have to dig around to find people with the right attitude and the same mindset. I won't even hold any cold calls or auditions without a personal recommendation from a trustworthy source and checking the person out ahead of time. I once drove 120 kilometers to audition a bassist who bought his bass the day before and left the tag on so he could return it if it didn't pan out. You have to follow your gut and FAIL FAST - if it's not going to work out, move on. I'm glad I achieved most of my goals in the past because today, I have a hard time visualizing a scenario where I can rehearse 2 hours of stage-ready material with a full band to do a gig. This was table stakes 20 years ago, now it's a pipe dream.

If someone doesn't have a car or the equipment they need to do their part in the band, that is an automatic no. Another one is when someone shows up with a 12 pack to each practice for themself for the night. Oh the things I have seen. It is always those that you have to help the most that screw things up the worst for the band. Cut that person out early and save the frustrations.

 

[gush]

I swear you and I have led parallel lives. I used to have a trailer with all of my PA gear in it as well. I tried to implement a percentage off the top plan for the PA usage. I told everyone that if something goes down, I am the one that has to spend the money to get it fixed before the next gig. People get really strange when you are not splitting the money equally across all members regardless of how much each person is contributing. I told them we can either do this or we can rent gear and someone to run it. My percentage was much less than renting. One guy in the first band I tried that with actually said that if someone owns something the band needs we should be able to use it for free. This is a guy that used to show up with an acoustic guitar and a mic with a stand and expect me to provide a direct box and all of the cables to get him up and running. I was never able to get anyone else to pitch in from the money end. I barely got them to help even load stuff in and out. I was always the guy setting it up and tearing it down. I am kind of over that now. That is why I am struggling with whether to try another band or not. I had someone reach out recently and I just ignored them because I am just not sure if I have the energy these days. It will take just one load of BS to make me quit so I figured it would be better to just take more time.



If someone doesn't have a car or the equipment they need to do their part in the band, that is an automatic no. Another one is when someone shows up with a 12 pack to each practice for themself for the night. Oh the things I have seen. It is always those that you have to help the most that screw things up the worst for the band. Cut that person out early and save the frustrations.

Hahaha yup. I made band pay for any repairs to PA gear or trailer. Nobody complained.

When I first joined my last band, I noticed the bass player who owned the PA and trailer was paying for repairs and such. I quickly changed that. I took 10% off the top of every payday and kept that cash in my safe. After every show I would make an entry and screen shot that to everybody. There was never a question about how much cash was in that fund.

Our singer only owned a wireless mic and wanted a max cap on band fund so once we reached that cap we would stop contributing.

I laughed out loud when he said it and flatly vetoed the suggestion before anybody else said a word.

150.00 would cover his loss any given day. The rest of us, not so much.

Plus side.......when band broke up, all expenses were covered and there was a nice payout! I think there was close to 4k in that fund.