Need to pick someone’s brain.

[Lola]

My mission since I started playing guitar was to get good enough to play with and in front of ppl and maybe hit the bar scene. I am super frustrated with the way things are going with my band. Been playing the same songs for a year now. Covid didn’t help but…. Practices are becoming so sporadic. Ppl at the last minute say they can’t make it. I am getting beyond frustrated and demotivated. I play and practice everything but the set list because even playing these chosen songs upsets me so I just don’t. We play in a studio which is okay but getting there is a bit of a nightmare. I have played with two of these other ppl for years and they are amazing but…… The singer is amazing and I don’t think we could find another singer like this person. When we’re all together we do sound pretty amazing even if I do say so myself! I really like playing with these ppl but the politics are just getting in the way.

I have been approached by two other bands with offers and don’t know quite what to do?

I just need some input.

 

[Mark Ray]

Play with others who have similar priorities to yours. Sounds like some of your mates' list is different at this point. You will continue with the frustration staying put.

 

[JasonE]

You are experiencing the hardest part about being in a band. Forming the band with the right people is a lot of work. Keeping everyone on the same page and keeping the band together and going in the same direction is the real work. I have been in many gigging bands in my time.

If I were in your situation, I would let the band you are in know that you are picking up a second band. Since you are not gigging it shouldn't be a problem. If it is a problem for them they have a choice to make. They can either get it together and become more dedicated or they can choose to let it fall apart. If it falls apart, keep as many of the relationships in tact as you can. There is a very good chance that you will be calling someone from that band in the future to fill a spot in another band. I have been in a few bands with some of the same people.

I would probably do a try out session with each of the other bands that have reached out to you to feel out what their expectations and goals are and see if one of them fits before letting your current band know that you are going to be playing with a second band.

The bottom line is to do what you want to be doing. If you are not doing that, it will be noticeable to the people you are playing for. You have to have fun doing this or it isn't worth doing. You are going to meet and spend time around all sorts of people. I have been through this so many times that I can spot the problem people at their first practice with the group. Musicians are a strange folk, me included.

 

[WEDGE]

Sounds like you might have the time to explore other options, maybe jam with other people and see if you find a fit. It’s not indentured servitude, you are allowed to seek alternate arrangements.

 

[Lola]

This what I am afraid of. I will go check out the offers and hopefully play with these ppl a few times but if I don’t like what I hear what then?

I have put so many bands together over time, organized things, found studios to play in. Basically doing the grunt work. This in itself is plain frustration. Knowing everybody’s schedules and trying work around and with them. Then at the last minute “ I can’t make it” I cringe

This is why I started busking in our local park. I need to play and want to play with an audience.

 

[Bill SAS 513]

well, first off, keep playing as much as you want!!! If not ... MORE!!! And with everyone you can.
Finding 3-5 other like minded people will almost always be hard...But I'll say its definitely worth it.
I've been in 2 pretty successful, fun cover bands.
But, you can definitely tell who doesn't quite take it as seriously as the others...and others that take it TOO seriously.

We would have a practice night to go grab a beer and pizza every couple months to discuss these things, b/c its frustrating as he!! when everyone doesn't gel...

 

[sergiodeblanc]

Don’t get married to a band, be a slut.

 

[jxe]

keep the singer, replace everyone else with a drum machine.

 

[gush]

You will rarely find others that are willing to dedicate the time, effort or resources it takes to make a band work.

Don't waste any more of your time.

Move on but take to good candidates with you.

 

[veinbuster]

This what I am afraid of. I will go check out the offers and hopefully play with these ppl a few times but if I don’t like what I hear what then?

If you don't like what you hear, just move on.

Once upon a time I played, in front of paying audiences with 5 different bands over the period of a few months.
One stuck and became my primary band for a few years - well me and the singer, we went through a few other people.
One was a good fit and we played some decent sized venues (since it's Lola I will note that it included the CNE) - but we started out knowing that it would be a 10-15 month run and then we would sign off. So --- two bands for most of that period. Very different bands.
One I was just a filler for from time to time. They brought charts, ordered for the night's set list and I played. Not the best fit, but decent money for playing om a night I had nothing better to do.
The other two were pit bands. Short run by design. I liked it because the music was quite different from the other stuff.

And, in that time frame, I probably played at a rehearsal or a one night sit in at a show with a handful of other bands. One I didn't like the keys they played in (kind of stupid and shallow in hindsight). One I didn't like the feel - they aspired to be super tight, and I felt their repertoire was best played a bit loose ( or maybe I was just too lazy to figure out their groove). One thought my tempo was too rigid. One was just good fun with some excellent players (way better than me) and we all knew we were just having fun with stuff that there was no audience for within a 3 hour drive.

So...back to what Sergio said...be a slut.

 

[Bogner]

Oddly enough, the music is the least of a bands worries in most instances. A band is a marriage really. Perhaps you need to be doing the interviews and have people come to you so you can see if they fit to your program. A band is only as strong as its weakest link. You need to find out what the desired outcome is of all members. Life is too short to waste it on people going in different directions than yourself no matter how talented they may be. Be honest and direct up front and don't apologize for what you are hoping for. If people are cancelling last minute and not doing equal(ish) work in preparations, etc. then there is a lack of respect and consideration already. When people can't honor each others time and commitment you are already in trouble. Anytime there is a lack of honor and respect you have issues. Find like minded and like committed people or you are wasting your time.

 

[JasonE]

Oddly enough, the music is the least of a bands worries in most instances. A band is a marriage really. Perhaps you need to be doing the interviews and have people come to you so you can see if they fit to your program. A band is only as strong as its weakest link. You need to find out what the desired outcome is of all members. Life is too short to waste it on people going in different directions than yourself no matter how talented they may be. Be honest and direct up front and don't apologize for what you are hoping for. If people are cancelling last minute and not doing equal(ish) work in preparations, etc. then there is a lack of respect and consideration already. When people can't honor each others time and commitment you are already in trouble. Anytime there is a lack of honor and respect you have issues. Find like minded and like committed people or you are wasting your time.

The last one that I put together that had a good run was done like this. I did a phone interview first then we met in person with the rest of the group I had assembled then we jammed together. Some didn't make it past the phone call. Others didn't make it to the jam. The band was a low stress fun project. All the guys in the group kept saying that it was the most fun band they had ever been in. I told them I would not have any drama queens in the band. It just causes issues. The other thing I did right from the beginning was to tell everyone what my expectations and goals were. As long as someone doesn't change one of those things you can have a good run.

 

[Lola]

I told them right up front at the beginning that I wanted gig this band to it’s full potential and they all agreed. As time as gone on this has become a dream and not reality.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

Don’t get married to a band, be a slut.

Don’t be a drag, just be a Queen.

^what they all said^

 

[László]

I've consulted with my imaginary manager seeking a solution to your dilemma.

She says it's OK to have more than one band project going at a time, that this is common amongst the rock stars I imagine she represents.

She's currently working on getting me an endorsement deal with PRS, but so far the imaginary answer is 'not interested'.

 

[WEDGE]

I have put so many bands together over time, organized things, found studios to play in. Basically doing the grunt work. This in itself is plain frustration. Knowing everybody’s schedules and trying work around and with them. Then at the last minute “ I can’t make it” I cringe

sounds like my wife and in her case it is a self inflicted wound. She is An alpha and a Organizer and while she hates the effort and time drag, she needs the control. kind of a catch-22.

 

[Lola]

sounds like my wife and in her case it is a self inflicted wound. She is An alpha and a Organizer and while she hates the effort and time drag, she needs the control. kind of a catch-22.

I am a mix of type A and B. I just like to ensure things go smoothly. If they don’t I only have myself to blame.

 

[tiboy]

sounds like my wife and in her case it is a self inflicted wound. She is An alpha and a Organizer and while she hates the effort and time drag, she needs the control. kind of a catch-22.

Your wife and my wife seem to be psychological twins.

 

[Bogner]

I told them right up front at the beginning that I wanted gig this band to it’s full potential and they all agreed. As time as gone on this has become a dream and not reality.

Sadly, most people don't really know what it takes and if so, few are willing to go all in and follow through. Success could mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

 

[Lola]

I’ve struggled to keep everything up and running. Idc though because this is my dream and dammit I will make this happen no matter what. I am extremely stubborn!! I can’t and won’t give up. I have worked too hard to do that. Besides when you love something so much you try even harder.

I would love to take the singer and the bass player with me but I can’t. This is a family in a way if you understand what I mean.

Going to see what these other offers are about and then either the bomb will drop and I will make my exit in a very professional manner or not.