andy474x
Knows the Drill
I just feel like I need to tell this story.
Yesterday after work, I went to the grocery store to get some chicken wings and a few other items (wife on vacation = man food weekend). I'm perusing some potatoes near the front corner of the store, when I hear this little voice from the back yell "Help! Help! He took my purse!" It was quiet and seemed unenthusiastic, like someone ran into a friend and was making a joke, and no other commotion ensued. I mean, who would steal a purse at the very back of the store? Nah. So I go back to my potatoes. Then I hear it again... this is getting weird. A few seconds later, here comes this guy jogging along but in no great hurry, being chased by an equally slow older woman. Well, this is real (although also very surreal), I'm the only person near the front of the store, so I guess this is a thing now. So I drop my potatoes and take off, keeping my head down a bit to avoid catching attention in his peripheral vision, dodging the suddenly very excessive number of displays in the produce section. I'm just about to get him right before the last display table, he doesn't see me, but he picks up speed as he's getting close to the door and freedom is in sight. Suddenly I'm not gonna get him before the display, try to change direction to get him on the other side but it's too late, BAM!!! I run directly into the display, potted plants erupt everywhere, but fortunately he was on the other side, and the table either knocked him off is balance, or the spray of vegetation startled him enough, and he lost the purse just as he passed through the first set of doors, and I grab it and give it to the lady. He makes it out the second set of doors, but, being a reasonable fellow, decides he's going to come back into the area between the doors because he dropped his other loot: a bag of pistachios. Well, I'm not gonna fight some guy over pistachios. But he picks them up, and I'm hollering at him to get out, well all the sudden he's not going to be embarrassed and he wants to fight. I just want my chicken wings man!!! We stared each other down for a bit, I'm still yelling at him to leave because the cops are coming, and he says "Yeah, I'm waiting for it! Come on!!!" Dude, it is FRIDAY, I am infant free and have a date with my grill. I do not want to fight about your pistachios! But he finally got the idea and left.
Really though, who steals a purse at the back of the store, jogs to the front, and then comes back for a little bag of nuts? I'm not saying I would do it, but if I'm gonna steal a purse, I'm gonna do it by the front door, and haul @$$ out of there! But I'm pretty confident this guy had a mental issue, because nothing about this was rational. He left and no one chased after him, I think we were all just happy to have this lady's purse back. Hopefully he gets caught uneventfully somewhere, or just comes to his senses. The lady was very happy to have her purse back, and I told her "Hey, you're buying my chicken wings, and you better believe I'm getting beer now too."
Ok, that last part didn't happen.
I'm not telling this story for pats on the back, any of us would've done the same, I just thought y'all might enjoy my tale of weird purse theft and my extremely clumsy, but sufficient, antics. I like stories.
The wings were good.
Yesterday after work, I went to the grocery store to get some chicken wings and a few other items (wife on vacation = man food weekend). I'm perusing some potatoes near the front corner of the store, when I hear this little voice from the back yell "Help! Help! He took my purse!" It was quiet and seemed unenthusiastic, like someone ran into a friend and was making a joke, and no other commotion ensued. I mean, who would steal a purse at the very back of the store? Nah. So I go back to my potatoes. Then I hear it again... this is getting weird. A few seconds later, here comes this guy jogging along but in no great hurry, being chased by an equally slow older woman. Well, this is real (although also very surreal), I'm the only person near the front of the store, so I guess this is a thing now. So I drop my potatoes and take off, keeping my head down a bit to avoid catching attention in his peripheral vision, dodging the suddenly very excessive number of displays in the produce section. I'm just about to get him right before the last display table, he doesn't see me, but he picks up speed as he's getting close to the door and freedom is in sight. Suddenly I'm not gonna get him before the display, try to change direction to get him on the other side but it's too late, BAM!!! I run directly into the display, potted plants erupt everywhere, but fortunately he was on the other side, and the table either knocked him off is balance, or the spray of vegetation startled him enough, and he lost the purse just as he passed through the first set of doors, and I grab it and give it to the lady. He makes it out the second set of doors, but, being a reasonable fellow, decides he's going to come back into the area between the doors because he dropped his other loot: a bag of pistachios. Well, I'm not gonna fight some guy over pistachios. But he picks them up, and I'm hollering at him to get out, well all the sudden he's not going to be embarrassed and he wants to fight. I just want my chicken wings man!!! We stared each other down for a bit, I'm still yelling at him to leave because the cops are coming, and he says "Yeah, I'm waiting for it! Come on!!!" Dude, it is FRIDAY, I am infant free and have a date with my grill. I do not want to fight about your pistachios! But he finally got the idea and left.
Really though, who steals a purse at the back of the store, jogs to the front, and then comes back for a little bag of nuts? I'm not saying I would do it, but if I'm gonna steal a purse, I'm gonna do it by the front door, and haul @$$ out of there! But I'm pretty confident this guy had a mental issue, because nothing about this was rational. He left and no one chased after him, I think we were all just happy to have this lady's purse back. Hopefully he gets caught uneventfully somewhere, or just comes to his senses. The lady was very happy to have her purse back, and I told her "Hey, you're buying my chicken wings, and you better believe I'm getting beer now too."
Ok, that last part didn't happen.
I'm not telling this story for pats on the back, any of us would've done the same, I just thought y'all might enjoy my tale of weird purse theft and my extremely clumsy, but sufficient, antics. I like stories.
The wings were good.
