1000 useless posts (reloaded)

[charliefrench]

her dagger was lengthier than the adopted centurion standard. Lola stood erect, and with a smile as wide as the Nile, on this the seventh day, she held the scepter above her head and demanded an audience with Seezer. Juliass Seezer was not to be roused from his slumber. The previous evening he had

 

[rugerpc]

her dagger was lengthier than the adopted centurion standard. Lola stood erect, and with a smile as wide as the Nile, on this the seventh day, she held the scepter above her head and demanded an audience with Seezer. Juliass Seezer was not to be roused from his slumber. The previous evening he had

...been fiddling with Nero, despite the time difference. Unexpectedly, four ants walked into a bar...

 

[bodia]

...been fiddling with Nero, despite the time difference. Unexpectedly, four ants walked into a bar...

along with their pal, Mr. No, who is not an ant. The bartender spouts off, "Sorry, we only serve ants here." To which one of the ants responded, "but this is our good friend Mr. No." The bartender, getting increasingly irritated yells, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, SIR!" This prompted a huge....

 

[rugerpc]

along with their pal, Mr. No, who is not an ant. The bartender spouts off, "Sorry, we only serve ants here." To which one of the ants responded, "but this is our good friend Mr. No." The bartender, getting increasingly irritated yells, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, SIR!" This prompted a huge....

...pun-off in which the participants tried to out pun each other for the halibut - the main prize was a lovely white fish in lemon sauce. The puns were brutal and many a contestant suffered from sprained vocabularies, especially...

 

[Boogie]

...pun-off in which the participants tried to out pun each other for the halibut - the main prize was a lovely white fish in lemon sauce. The puns wer brutal and many a contestant suffered from sprained vocabularies, especially...

...as the receptionist at the genetics lab kept paging Dr. DaveMathews (has his PhD in Pun Arts), "Dr. Matthews, to the white courtesy clone"...

No, really, paging DaveMatthews...to the white courtesy phone...

 

[charliefrench]

but unbeknownst to Meryl the receptionist Dr. Matthews was flat on his back in the lab. Later that evening Inspecteur Curieux arrived at the scene and concluded he died laughing. Nobody dared to laugh for a month after that but when the ants returned to the same bar some time later they discovered an anteater was working the door. He refused them entry because

 

[dmatthews]

but unbeknownst to Meryl the receptionist Dr. Matthews was flat on his back in the lab. Later that evening Inspecteur Curieux arrived at the scene and concluded he died laughing. Nobody dared to laugh for a month after that but when the ants returned to the same bar some time later they discovered an anteater was working the door. He refused them entry because

he was starving! After consuming the lot of them he felt a little queasy though, which of course required... (wait for it)... an antacid. Feeling much better he went looking for...

 

[sergiodeblanc]

he was starving! After consuming the lot of them he felt a little queasy though, which of course required... (wait for it)... an antacid. Feeling much better he went looking for...

Jeb, who was last seen arguing with the owner of a donut shop. He was skeptical about their lack of a different word for donut after hearing somebody clearly ordering one by name, and being served one. This was more evidence for him to think that they all really spoke English, but were pretending not to understand him because...

 

[charliefrench]

above the door was a neon sign that glowed We Don't Serve Strangers in Blue Suede Shoes. The anteater had sniffed out some information and Jeb always paid well. Jeb reached inside his dirty raincoat when the phone rang. Outside Inspecteur Curieux gave two long blasts on the horn to signal his impatience. The detective sergeant recognized the number immediately and was hopeful for some quality nuggets. "Jeb, an ant was in the Anthill Bar earlier talking about the late Dr. Matthews. He says there must be some mistake because . . ."

 

[Tucson Thump]

above the door was a neon sign that glowed We Don't Serve Strangers in Blue Suede Shoes. The anteater had sniffed out some information and Jeb always paid well. Jeb reached inside his dirty raincoat when the phone rang. Outside Inspecteur Curieux gave two long blasts on the horn to signal his impatience. The detective sergeant recognized the number immediately and was hopeful for some quality nuggets. "Jeb, an ant was in the Anthill Bar earlier talking about the late Dr. Matthews. He says there must be some mistake because . . ."

Auntie Mame was a good friend of Dr. Matthews and had been dancing the Mexican Ant Dance while ......

 

[rugerpc]

Auntie Mame was a good friend of Dr. Matthews and had been dancing the Mexican Ant Dance while ......

...blathering about how skinny the ants were. It must have been the alcohol because you know you can't rant about a scant ant unless you've had a few shots of Old Anthill. And it wasn't just the ants that had become skinny, ...

 

[charliefrench]

when Auntie Mame later sat down to a bowl of Old Anthill Ale-Pickled Frog-Leg Soup she noticed a distinct lack of flesh on those bones. She was about to summon one of the ants waiting the table but just then all of the legs rose to the surface and began to sing 'I ain't got no-body'. Her dinner date Dr. Matthews adopted an air of detachment from the imaginary scene and thought she'd had one shot too many. Auntie Mame thought so too. "Dr. Matthews, people are saying reports of your demise are not true and that you and the esteemed Inspecteur Curieux are involved in some kind of . . ."

 

[Boogie]

when Auntie Mame later sat down to a bowl of Old Anthill Ale-Pickled Frog-Leg Soup she noticed a distinct lack of flesh on those bones. She was about to summon one of the ants waiting the table but just then all of the legs rose to the surface and began to sing 'I ain't got no-body'. Her dinner date Dr. Matthews adopted an air of detachment from the imaginary scene and thought she'd had one shot too many. Auntie Mame thought so too. "Dr. Matthews, people are saying reports of your demise are not true and that you and the esteemed Inspecteur Curieux are involved in some kind of . . ."

...bake-off.

Speaking of Anticlimactic, Jeb's donuts were not yeast nor cake, but...

 

[bodia]

...bake-off.

Speaking of Anticlimactic, Jeb's donuts were not yeast nor cake, but...

Balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls. Well, almost no one....

 

[Tucson Thump]

Balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls. Well, almost no one....

except old Schweddy, who now sings opera as a castrato when a soprano isn't available, like Tony, since ....

 

[alantig]

except old Schweddy, who now sings opera as a castrato when a soprano isn't available, like Tony, since ....

...everyone knows the castratos return to Swallow every time a Soprano is sprung, especially when...

 

[charliefrench]

a Toblerone is sacrificed to a Cardinal during the annual Senesino Jamboree. Alas, we all know that one Swallow does not make a . . .

 

[rugerpc]

a Toblerone is sacrificed to a Cardinal during the annual Senesino Jamboree. Alas, we all know that one Swallow does not make a . . .

...meal. Well, depending on the size of the Toblerone. At any rate, ...

 

[bodia]

...meal. Well, depending on the size of the Toblerone. At any rate, ...

since the bird dropped the Toblerone, what we were all waiting to find out is what the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow is. Alas, what we didn't know is...

 

[dmatthews]

since the bird dropped the Toblerone, what we were all waiting to find out is what the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow is. Alas, what we didn't know is...

our favorite colour is blue, which allows us to cross a bridge, no not the stoptail kind, but a...