I had some medical tests recently. They were pretty comprehensive.
As part of this series of tests, my GP hocked me to take a Cologuard test. It's a test for evidence of colon cancer. After some protest on my part, I finally agreed.
Cologuard sends you a surprisingly well-made kit to "collect" what they euphemistically call a "sample."
It's not horribly disgusting, but it's not exactly something a normal person wants to do often, if you get my drift.
To briefly describe the process, you put this plastic frame underneath your toilet seat and insert a plastic canister that comes in the kit into the frame. For something that merely holds a 'sample' that canister is a surprisingly high quality item, by the way, but I digress.
After you set up this contraption, you do your business into the canister, lift the canister out of the frame, pour a bottle of liquid preservative they give you in the kit over the 'sample' in the canister, screw on the supplied lid, apply labels with your personal info, insert the canister and the test stick for the occult blood sample into special recesses in the box, which is cleverly sealed in a thick ziplock bag that's glued to the box to prevent unpleasant accidents in shipment, and then you call UPS to pick the box up. It's delivered overnight so...I guess you could say it stays nice and
fresh.
Despite the very sturdy design of this kit, I was very glad when that box containing a canister of the...uh... 'sample' left the house.
When the 'sample' gets to Cologuard's lab they test the 'sample' for evidence of tumors that show up in your 'sample'. There's also an occult blood test that's separate, so they check two ways. I'm gonna say being a 'sample' tester for Cologuard cannot possibly be a fun gig unless one is very strange, indeed, so I hope they make a lot of money.
Anyway, the upshot is that once you get the kit back into the box, inside the thick ziplock bag, attach the labels, and call UPS to get the damn thing you're very, very glad you won't have to do that process again for a couple of years!
*****
This all came to mind because earlier tonight I decided to give Black Sabbath another listen. I mean, it's never a bad thing to be open minded.
So I listened to a few of their 'classic' songs.
Here's what I thought:
Black Sabbath's music was about as enjoyable as my Cologuard test.
I'm sure they'll make me play Black Sabbath music on the accordion when I go to Hell. That will be a just dessert for my many sins. Hey, at least I know what's ahead of me for eternity.
But I'm thankful, very thankful indeed, that I will never have to listen to Black Sabbath again while I'm still alive.
