OK, It's holiday time again. And, I know it's been done before......

[11top]

.....because I've started it. But, if we can watch it over and over and over and laugh til we cry, then we can repeat our favorite lines over and over and over, so.....................

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS VACATION LINE?

I'll start with the all-time classic (which also appears at the bottom of each of my posts):

 

[Brian G]

Eddie...if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Also, I laugh so hard at how much of a close talker Eddie is in the eggnog scene.

 

[sergiodeblanc]

"Watch me lay dust... Eat my rubber."

 

[jfb]

You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

 

[ElrytNamrogo]

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d*ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a$$, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh*t he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?

Couldn't remember all of it, so I cheated a bit....

 

[JMintzer]

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an ******* in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…"

And my absolute favorite…

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f@#king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white @ss down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of @ssholes this side of the nuthouse".

 

[Tosca]

"Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?"
"You have your coat on."
"Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?"

 

[iahawk36]

"She's a BEAUT, Clark!"

 

[11top]

I'm LOL at every one of those! How did that movie not win the Academy Award for best picture? :adore:

< He wants to know, too.

 

[John Beef]

"She's a BEAUT, Clark!"

This CONSTANTLY runs through my head when I'm looking at guitar forums.

 

[11top]

This CONSTANTLY runs through my head when I'm looking at guitar forums.

You serious, Clark?

 

[crgtr]

We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f@#king Kaye.
Mentioned earlier, but I love this line!

 

[11top]

"Watch me lay dust... Eat my rubber."

"Eat my road grit, Liver Lips."

 

[JustRob]

"Aww he's just yakin' on a bone... It's OK! He got it up."

 

[JMintzer]

"He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish."

 

[Boogie]

"If you don't mind Clark, I'd like to fumigate this here chair. It's a fine quality item."

 

[JustRob]

JustSteve

Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

 

[11top]

Eddie: "Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic, getting cured off the Wild Turkey. And, the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career."
Clark: "College?"
Eddie: "Carnival."
Clark: "You got to be proud."
Eddie: "Oh, yeah. Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, He'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman. You ever see her?"
Clark: "No."
Eddie: "She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And, a hell of a good cook."

 

[Boogie]

This is why Markie doesn't wear socks. He'd be mistaken for cousin Eddie when pushing a snow blower. :vroam:

 

[rugerpc]

Eddie: Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. It ain't as strong so I don't know if I should go sailin' down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.

Clark: You really think it matters, Eddie?