Yeah, Army and the Corps are VERY different on all that stuff. You guys are time in grade/service to E-4, we're only to E-3. You have "some E-4 are NCO's/leaders", we have "all E-4 are Cpl". Most infantry Marines do their 4 and get out, a LCpl. That whole "promotions like tic-tacs" is an Army thing. We have nothing like your local command board for E-4 and E-5. For us everything you do "PFT, RIfle, Grades, etc" gives you points, and there's a score you have to beat to get promoted. It basically makes you have to be close to maxing out every single thing, more so than the Marine next to you. The system has checks built in too: If you're just a Blue Falcon, your "Proficiency and Conduct" scores will drop, and that will keep you from getting promoted. If you're a suckup, but don't have good PFT, Rifle, etc, you won't get promoted. We do have various boards, but they're basically just bragging rights and a potential at a meritorious promotion. Everyone knows they're just for show tho, b/c if you're crushing it enough to win a board, then you're probably getting promoted on points anyway.
For E-6 and above we board at HQMC. You're not even in the room, it's all off your Master Brief Sheet, which is your record of service.
Yeah, he wouldn't have gotten that far in the Corps. We have a "2P system": If you fail to get promoted 2 years in a row, you're out. Our cutoffs for service are lower too. I think you can't make it past 12 as a Sgt? It's been a lot of years for me, so I could have facts fuzzy.
Lol, if you're too fat for the Army, you won't stand a chance at the Air Farce. The Army has the most lax height/weight and grooming standards of all the services. Ours is the most strict, and the USAF is just a bit behind us.
TBH dude, it sounds like you don't want to be IN the military, it sounds like you like the idea OF being in the military. Don't take that as an insult, everyone hits that point somewhere, and that's when you know it's time to take off the uniform.