I think this is a human issue and not just a band issue?I have 5 minutes. Quickly in a nutshell. I found this fabulous female singer on Kijiji. So we get to rehearsal start to get to know each other. All is good until she finds a different venue to practice which is further for me. Doesn’t ask me if the location is good fir me. It’s great for all the others as they live downtown TO. She starts adding new songs to the list when we don’t even have the original picked songs under our thumbs. No one told me about these two new songs. We have to concentrate on the list but quit changing it all the time. It lacks consistency.
Can’t really afford to lose her. Her pipes are amazing. I am just a tad pissed that she decides things without consulting me as well.
I put this band together in the first place. It’s not about control but it’s called respect.
I honestly dislike working with other females in a band. The ones that I have worked with are beyond divas. I had one really bad experience where another female vocalist acted like a two year old and we all agreed to get rid of her. That was so stressful.
Guys can be idiots too. I have run into a few when playing with others.
Let’s face it…. How many people really get along with their co workers? We often have to tolerate cancers for their talent.
I have 5 minutes. Quickly in a nutshell. I found this fabulous female singer on Kijiji. So we get to rehearsal start to get to know each other. All is good until she finds a different venue to practice which is further for me. Doesn’t ask me if the location is good fir me. It’s great for all the others as they live downtown TO. She starts adding new songs to the list when we don’t even have the original picked songs under our thumbs. No one told me about these two new songs. We have to concentrate on the list but quit changing it all the time. It lacks consistency.
Can’t really afford to lose her. Her pipes are amazing. I am just a tad pissed that she decides things without consulting me as well.
I put this band together in the first place. It’s not about control but it’s called respect.
I honestly dislike working with other females in a band. The ones that I have worked with are beyond divas. I had one really bad experience where another female vocalist acted like a two year old and we all agreed to get rid of her. That was so stressful.
Guys can be idiots too. I have run into a few when playing with others.
Thx for the acknowledgment.Been there, quit that. It doesn’t get better when band mates don’t understand the level of “finish” material needs before you start asking people to pay to hear it. That’s respect for your audience, respect for your craft. I understand others have different standards, and I’m good with that… takes all kinds, I suppose. But I’d literally rather jam alone at home than take that kind of a mess to the stage.
Your concern is justified, at least in
Not being snarky or anything but this is not my first rodeo. After our initial meeting I had a gut feeling that this person wasn’t right for the job. I haven’t said much. I am polite and courteous to her. I will give her enough rope to hang herself. What bothers me too is that she lies about things that don’t pertain to the band but for me that’s a big red flag! The other players in the band I have played with before and they are solid players. No BS at all.That's a common situation, one we've all been in. Unlike a job where you have to get along with co-workers to earn a living, a band is supposed to be a fun hobby to get away from it all - no one is interested in putting up with additional stress. The question is, how much are you willing to tolerate in order to have a musician that can really raise the band's profile while still keeping the atmosphere fun and relaxed? I'm willing to put up with some level of attitude and entitlement from someone who can deliver the goods and I am willing to put my ego aside if it drives the band to success, but there are limits.
Singers are particularly challenging because the right one has a combination of natural talent and stage charisma that makes them a rare find, and they make the difference between a good band and a great one. I also had an experience with a diva-type (being deliberately vague here) who constantly demanded rides, lyric sheets, mics, alcohol, etc. but never put in an effort to show up on time, help out with the gear or memorise lyrics, yet they generally got the most compliments in the band. We hit a wall at showing up late for gigs and fired them. After six months of horrible auditions, we took them back and vindicated, they were twice as bad. The band eventually collapsed under the weight of general resentment.
I had another situation where we had a toxic member who used to constantly send abusive, back-stabbing emails and poisoned the atmosphere of the band (not to mention drown out everyone else at rehearsals). I lived in fear of my inbox. We all agreed to terminate them and even lined up a replacement, but we had to tolerate them for another 3 months because we had the gig of a lifetime lined up and could not risk jeopardizing it. Fired them unceremoniously the next day. That was a no-brainer and we all agreed, so it was easy.
My advice? Take a deep breath, try to stick it out and learn from the experience, have open dialogue with other members, practice your communication skills, don't take anything personally or let it affect you, but most of all, know when to say when and leave gracefully if you have to, without burning bridges. It's a small world and people talk. In my experience, people don't change - they don't get better, but hopefully they won't get worse either. If the satisfaction you get from the band and the gigs is worth the compromises you have to make to make it work, it might be worth sticking it out, if not, bail out gracefully. It's a fine line - Good luck!
Sounds like you already know your answer - trust your gut. You either need to get the band to agree to get rid of her or strike out on your own. It's a pain to bail on a band you built up but I did it and something better came out of it. It's worth the risk.Not being snarky or anything but this is not my first rodeo. After our initial meeting I had a gut feeling that this person wasn’t right for the job. I haven’t said much. I am polite and courteous to her. I will give her enough rope to hang herself. What bothers me too is that she lies about things that don’t pertain to the band but for me that’s a big red flag! The other players in the band I have played with before and they are solid players. No BS at all.
Need a 2 thumbs up emoji! If you also do bookings, it’s your personal reputation on the line with the venue managers. They trust you’ll bring a good show and will give you a chance with a new group where others wouldn’t. Let them down once and you’re done.Been there, quit that. It doesn’t get better when band mates don’t understand the level of “finish” material needs before you start asking people to pay to hear it. That’s respect for your audience, respect for your craft. I understand others have different standards, and I’m good with that… takes all kinds, I suppose. But I’d literally rather jam alone at home than take that kind of a mess to the stage.
Your concern is justified, at least in my opinion.
This.Lay down the law and be the alpha. There can be only one leader and a band is never a democracy.
I have been through so many dramas. Enough to last a life time.Need a 2 thumbs up emoji! If you also do bookings, it’s your personal reputation on the line with the venue managers. They trust you’ll bring a good show and will give you a chance with a new group where others wouldn’t. Let them down once and you’re done.
Lay down the law and be the alpha. There can be only one leader and a band is never a democracy.
I got two texts night before last…one from Mike the drummer and the other from Murray the bassist. Keep in mind that these two have been buddies for 30+ years and playing together for about the same. One message says he’s found Mike’s clone and wants to do some different interesting covers. The other text says he and Murray are done but wants to get together with me and Brandon (vocals) and jam. How did I get slung into a daytime drama??!!