Band politics or the art of BS.

[Lola]

I have a situation in my hands that is really eating at me. But I will save it for after work.


Any situations any of you would like to share with us?

 

[WEDGE]

Can’t wait to hear your story. I have only been in garage bands but ego and assholeism broke em all up……..except for the one where the other guitar player had to go to jail for an outstanding DUI. Was his last of several, I didn’t know of this when I started with him.

 

[Lola]

I have 5 minutes. Quickly in a nutshell. I found this fabulous female singer on Kijiji. So we get to rehearsal start to get to know each other. All is good until she finds a different venue to practice which is further for me. Doesn’t ask me if the location is good fir me. It’s great for all the others as they live downtown TO. She starts adding new songs to the list when we don’t even have the original picked songs under our thumbs. No one told me about these two new songs. We have to concentrate on the list but quit changing it all the time. It lacks consistency.
Can’t really afford to lose her. Her pipes are amazing. I am just a tad pissed that she decides things without consulting me as well.

I put this band together in the first place. It’s not about control but it’s called respect.

I honestly dislike working with other females in a band. The ones that I have worked with are beyond divas. I had one really bad experience where another female vocalist acted like a two year old and we all agreed to get rid of her. That was so stressful.

Guys can be idiots too. I have run into a few when playing with others.

 

[Lola]

The last band I was in. That was a NIGHTMARE!

 

[McMahon67]

I have 5 minutes. Quickly in a nutshell. I found this fabulous female singer on Kijiji. So we get to rehearsal start to get to know each other. All is good until she finds a different venue to practice which is further for me. Doesn’t ask me if the location is good fir me. It’s great for all the others as they live downtown TO. She starts adding new songs to the list when we don’t even have the original picked songs under our thumbs. No one told me about these two new songs. We have to concentrate on the list but quit changing it all the time. It lacks consistency.
Can’t really afford to lose her. Her pipes are amazing. I am just a tad pissed that she decides things without consulting me as well.

I put this band together in the first place. It’s not about control but it’s called respect.

I honestly dislike working with other females in a band. The ones that I have worked with are beyond divas. I had one really bad experience where another female vocalist acted like a two year old and we all agreed to get rid of her. That was so stressful.

Guys can be idiots too. I have run into a few when playing with others.

I think this is a human issue and not just a band issue?
Let’s face it…. How many people really get along with their co workers? We often have to tolerate cancers for their talent.

I do, however… back to topic, feel for your pain. I’m sure you’ll have it your way.

 

[alantig]

Let’s face it…. How many people really get along with their co workers? We often have to tolerate cancers for their talent.

 

[RickP]

Been there, quit that. It doesn’t get better when band mates don’t understand the level of “finish” material needs before you start asking people to pay to hear it. That’s respect for your audience, respect for your craft. I understand others have different standards, and I’m good with that… takes all kinds, I suppose. But I’d literally rather jam alone at home than take that kind of a mess to the stage.

Your concern is justified, at least in my opinion.

 

[JasonE]

I have 5 minutes. Quickly in a nutshell. I found this fabulous female singer on Kijiji. So we get to rehearsal start to get to know each other. All is good until she finds a different venue to practice which is further for me. Doesn’t ask me if the location is good fir me. It’s great for all the others as they live downtown TO. She starts adding new songs to the list when we don’t even have the original picked songs under our thumbs. No one told me about these two new songs. We have to concentrate on the list but quit changing it all the time. It lacks consistency.
Can’t really afford to lose her. Her pipes are amazing. I am just a tad pissed that she decides things without consulting me as well.

I put this band together in the first place. It’s not about control but it’s called respect.

I honestly dislike working with other females in a band. The ones that I have worked with are beyond divas. I had one really bad experience where another female vocalist acted like a two year old and we all agreed to get rid of her. That was so stressful.

Guys can be idiots too. I have run into a few when playing with others.

My first guess is that this singer doesn't play an instrument and just sings. I have been down this road with multiple singers that don't know how to play an instrument. Unfortunately you have to somewhat follow them down this road. They are the lead vocal so you have to do songs that are in their vocal range. They will also sandbag any songs they don't like. I hate to say it but you will have to make a decision on how much this bothers you. You are seeing the beginning of where it is going to go. You can try to do band meetings to discuss songs and see if you get the support of others in the band. If you don't, your decision will have to be either let her have her way or send her on her way. If you boot her out, you will also have the risk that the rest of the band will follow her. This is another thing you will have to dig deep to figure out how much of it you will tolerate.

In all of the bands I have been in over my life, the one thing that I have found that makes it work for the longest haul is that you have to get along as people first. You have to be friends at some level. If there are people in the band that insist on being defined by politics, religion or any of the other hot button topics, there will be problems, unless everyone else in the band agrees with them. I take personalities over talent then work to get things tight and sounding good. I have had much better luck with that. I found that nearly everyone that is outstanding at what they do has issues and brings them into the band and tries to run things the way they want it done.

 

[markd21]

Band politics suck. Doing a cover band? If so, you are limited by the vocalists range, unless everyone is hood enough to transpose the songs into a comfy key for the vocalist. But even still, the stand alone singer always brings extra drama. My experience has always been to work with the singer instead of against. Eventually they get it or leave.

Having always been in original bands, and always having a stand alone singer, I always win in the end because I can write them into a corner. It's dickish for me to do, but every now and then I have to write something a little too progressive or in an odd time to put a singer in check, lol.

Ride it out as long as you can. Work to make sure your perspective is recognized and try to keep the band moving in a happening direction.

 

[Permanent Waves]

That's a common situation, one we've all been in. Unlike a job where you have to get along with co-workers to earn a living, a band is supposed to be a fun hobby to get away from it all - no one is interested in putting up with additional stress. The question is, how much are you willing to tolerate in order to have a musician that can really raise the band's profile while still keeping the atmosphere fun and relaxed? I'm willing to put up with some level of attitude and entitlement from someone who can deliver the goods and I am willing to put my ego aside if it drives the band to success, but there are limits.

Singers are particularly challenging because the right one has a combination of natural talent and stage charisma that makes them a rare find, and they make the difference between a good band and a great one. I also had an experience with a diva-type (being deliberately vague here) who constantly demanded rides, lyric sheets, mics, alcohol, etc. but never put in an effort to show up on time, help out with the gear or memorise lyrics, yet they generally got the most compliments in the band. We hit a wall at showing up late for gigs and fired them. After six months of horrible auditions, we took them back and vindicated, they were twice as bad. The band eventually collapsed under the weight of general resentment.

I had another situation where we had a toxic member who used to constantly send abusive, back-stabbing emails and poisoned the atmosphere of the band (not to mention drown out everyone else at rehearsals). I lived in fear of my inbox. We all agreed to terminate them and even lined up a replacement, but we had to tolerate them for another 3 months because we had the gig of a lifetime lined up and could not risk jeopardizing it. Fired them unceremoniously the next day. That was a no-brainer and we all agreed, so it was easy.

My advice? Take a deep breath, try to stick it out and learn from the experience, have open dialogue with other members, practice your communication skills, don't take anything personally or let it affect you, but most of all, know when to say when and leave gracefully if you have to, without burning bridges. It's a small world and people talk. In my experience, people don't change - they don't get better, but hopefully they won't get worse either. If the satisfaction you get from the band and the gigs is worth the compromises you have to make to make it work, it might be worth sticking it out, if not, bail out gracefully. It's a fine line - Good luck!

 

[Lola]

Been there, quit that. It doesn’t get better when band mates don’t understand the level of “finish” material needs before you start asking people to pay to hear it. That’s respect for your audience, respect for your craft. I understand others have different standards, and I’m good with that… takes all kinds, I suppose. But I’d literally rather jam alone at home than take that kind of a mess to the stage.

Your concern is justified, at least in

Thx for the acknowledgment.

 

[Lola]

That's a common situation, one we've all been in. Unlike a job where you have to get along with co-workers to earn a living, a band is supposed to be a fun hobby to get away from it all - no one is interested in putting up with additional stress. The question is, how much are you willing to tolerate in order to have a musician that can really raise the band's profile while still keeping the atmosphere fun and relaxed? I'm willing to put up with some level of attitude and entitlement from someone who can deliver the goods and I am willing to put my ego aside if it drives the band to success, but there are limits.

Singers are particularly challenging because the right one has a combination of natural talent and stage charisma that makes them a rare find, and they make the difference between a good band and a great one. I also had an experience with a diva-type (being deliberately vague here) who constantly demanded rides, lyric sheets, mics, alcohol, etc. but never put in an effort to show up on time, help out with the gear or memorise lyrics, yet they generally got the most compliments in the band. We hit a wall at showing up late for gigs and fired them. After six months of horrible auditions, we took them back and vindicated, they were twice as bad. The band eventually collapsed under the weight of general resentment.

I had another situation where we had a toxic member who used to constantly send abusive, back-stabbing emails and poisoned the atmosphere of the band (not to mention drown out everyone else at rehearsals). I lived in fear of my inbox. We all agreed to terminate them and even lined up a replacement, but we had to tolerate them for another 3 months because we had the gig of a lifetime lined up and could not risk jeopardizing it. Fired them unceremoniously the next day. That was a no-brainer and we all agreed, so it was easy.

My advice? Take a deep breath, try to stick it out and learn from the experience, have open dialogue with other members, practice your communication skills, don't take anything personally or let it affect you, but most of all, know when to say when and leave gracefully if you have to, without burning bridges. It's a small world and people talk. In my experience, people don't change - they don't get better, but hopefully they won't get worse either. If the satisfaction you get from the band and the gigs is worth the compromises you have to make to make it work, it might be worth sticking it out, if not, bail out gracefully. It's a fine line - Good luck!

Not being snarky or anything but this is not my first rodeo. After our initial meeting I had a gut feeling that this person wasn’t right for the job. I haven’t said much. I am polite and courteous to her. I will give her enough rope to hang herself. What bothers me too is that she lies about things that don’t pertain to the band but for me that’s a big red flag! The other players in the band I have played with before and they are solid players. No BS at all.

What bothers me that after 6 years of playing in a band situation I desperately want us to go to the next level but with COVID we had issues trying to find a place that was consciously aware of vaccine screening. And now I have to deal with her.

But….the good thing is I will never give up pursuing this goal. It’s do or die. Black and white.

 

[Tony M.]

Tact is NOT my strong suite.

It's only gonna get worse.

Get rid of her or bail.

I've said enough.

 

[Permanent Waves]

Not being snarky or anything but this is not my first rodeo. After our initial meeting I had a gut feeling that this person wasn’t right for the job. I haven’t said much. I am polite and courteous to her. I will give her enough rope to hang herself. What bothers me too is that she lies about things that don’t pertain to the band but for me that’s a big red flag! The other players in the band I have played with before and they are solid players. No BS at all.

Sounds like you already know your answer - trust your gut. You either need to get the band to agree to get rid of her or strike out on your own. It's a pain to bail on a band you built up but I did it and something better came out of it. It's worth the risk.

 

[Boogie]

Been there, quit that. It doesn’t get better when band mates don’t understand the level of “finish” material needs before you start asking people to pay to hear it. That’s respect for your audience, respect for your craft. I understand others have different standards, and I’m good with that… takes all kinds, I suppose. But I’d literally rather jam alone at home than take that kind of a mess to the stage.

Your concern is justified, at least in my opinion.

Need a 2 thumbs up emoji! If you also do bookings, it’s your personal reputation on the line with the venue managers. They trust you’ll bring a good show and will give you a chance with a new group where others wouldn’t. Let them down once and you’re done.

Lay down the law and be the alpha. There can be only one leader and a band is never a democracy.

I got two texts night before last…one from Mike the drummer and the other from Murray the bassist. Keep in mind that these two have been buddies for 30+ years and playing together for about the same. One message says he’s found Mike’s clone and wants to do some different interesting covers. The other text says he and Murray are done but wants to get together with me and Brandon (vocals) and jam. How did I get slung into a daytime drama??!!

 

[DISTORT6]

Lay down the law and be the alpha. There can be only one leader and a band is never a democracy.

This.
Always this.

 

[Lola]

Need a 2 thumbs up emoji! If you also do bookings, it’s your personal reputation on the line with the venue managers. They trust you’ll bring a good show and will give you a chance with a new group where others wouldn’t. Let them down once and you’re done.

Lay down the law and be the alpha. There can be only one leader and a band is never a democracy.

I got two texts night before last…one from Mike the drummer and the other from Murray the bassist. Keep in mind that these two have been buddies for 30+ years and playing together for about the same. One message says he’s found Mike’s clone and wants to do some different interesting covers. The other text says he and Murray are done but wants to get together with me and Brandon (vocals) and jam. How did I get slung into a daytime drama??!!

I have been through so many dramas. Enough to last a life time.

We’re all grownups here. The last band I was in was insane. I got a txt from someone on BandMix.ca he needed another lead/rhythm player for his band. I went for a casual audition and we played really well together. I thought I could relax now. So I started playing with them and getting to get a feel for how they play. At first they said I was too good for them. I wanted to desperately be in a band(slim pickings in my area) so I thought okay I will suggest some easier songs for them. Then one day I get a txt from the bass player. He starts sending me weird txts and before you could snap your fingers he’s sexting me. This just got disgusting. I told him to stop and that I was married. He didn’t stop sexting me so I threatened to call the police. That’s when that stopped.

He was going through a messy divorce which I get but what he did to me was unforgivable. What a nasty a*s creep.

I was back at a week later and found the current band that I am in.

Hopelessly addicted to finding the right place in the right band. It’s not in my nature to give up.

 

[Lola]

About 3 years ago I had another female singer in the band. Her vocal range wasn’t that great and she knew it. All she wanted to sing were C & W songs after she came for her audition and blew the doors off of Knocking on Heavens door. We thought we had bagged a fairly decent singer. Well didn’t she turn out to be a diva. If the song wasn’t played her way she would stop singing and just stand there. We would be playing and then bam. So she called me out in to the hallway stood there and decided to act like a two years old stamping her feet. She thought all the guys were against her because they weren’t playing songs like she wanted them to be played. I think one rehearsal we went out in the hallway five times to chat. She started sending me nasty txts. Very childish. After rehearsal one day she left asap and the rest of us went out for coffee. We all decided that we needed to get rid of her. She had caused so much stress and discord.

Then the next singer I found was even worse then the above. But I didn’t and couldn’t wave the white flag.

I am still standing, my mission may or may not come to and end but I have to keep on going. Music is my life.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

I’m way beyond lucky, we have a harmonious 8 piece band.

Sorry to hear about the bad experiences Lola. I thought Canadians were supposed be laid back and polite!

 

[JasonE]

These types of issues and being up until 3AM two nights a week are the exact reason that I am making the turn to trying to write my own music. I am getting too old and losing my patience for this stuff. I am a very dedicated player and run the band like a business. I tend to end up doing everything. I own the PA and know how to use it. I usually pick the songs and do the set lists. I do the bookings and I pay everyone. If I have someone in the band that is causing waves and not doing anything to help with everything I am doing, they are not going to last long. I will try my own music and recording to see if that fulfills me. I have always been a guitar player that just loves to play for a live crowd. I am finding composing to be very challenging but I think I can make it work. I am very familiar with how to use a DAW. I am hopeful on this new path.