Metal guitar skills and mating probabilities: a study

FragileThunder said:
Jealous? :p
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Sure..Yeah...I Mean Totally...So Much So That I Don't Even Have The Words To Express Just How Jealous I Am...Yeah...Ok...I Mean It...Seriously...I Kinda Almost Am...But Not Really No. But Maybe...No Not Really. Now That I Think About It, I Guess I Am Not...But I Almost Once Kinda Thought About It And Felt I Could Be But I Am Really Not. Sorry
 
Moondog Wily said:
Get good enough at any genre of music, good enough to make millions, and you will do just fine! Even with the money though, I would conjecture that some women would still shy away from the extreme metal guys because they don't want to be a sacrifice 6 months from now (I know, not all extreme metalists are into Satan, but it was fun for me to type it) ;~))
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But they'd only have to do one thing to avoid being a virgin sacrifice...
 
alantig said:
But they'd only have to do one thing to avoid being a virgin sacrifice...
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Avoid the metal guitarist in the first place?

Anyway...

I got into playing guitar, as a metalhead, not for the "chicks", but because I like heavy metal, and guitar playing looked like fun! (I was a skinny nerdy dweeb, I knew I had nothing going for me to get any kind of attention from girls, with or without guitar skills.)

I don't have the skill/hands/speed for most metal, as it turns out, so I ended up a bit more laid back in the David Gilmour/Neil Young guitar style I play (Beavis: he said "laid", heh heh). And I don't have any snazzy stage moves.

After college I spent a couple of decades of not really playing/practicing to improve, just occasional noodling, because I didn't think I had any useful skill to really "perform". It took some coaxing to finally get me to play more regularly (and better) after friends roped me into their band. And while my wife certainly likes my guitar playing, that wasn't the main attraction, AFAIK.
 
László said:
Take this test. Correct answers are below:

1.What percentage of the members of this or any guitar forum do you estimate are women?

2. What musical instrument is more phallic in playing position than a guitar (OK, the cello is kind of phallic, I'll grant you, but it sits on the floor and doesn't count).

3. How many women do you know personally who want to spend their time watching you playing with your junk (BTW, if you know more than one or two, you really ought to share their contact info)?

4. How many male piano players go onstage without a shirt wearing goofy makeup (again, if you know any female piano players who do this, you have the obligation to share contact info)?

5. What percentage of women are turned on watching you engage in ambiguously sexual poses with the lead singer and bass player?

6. How many women get horny seeing guitar faces?

7. How many women want to go out on the street with you in your metal-studded leather pants, no shirt, and makeup?

Correct answers:

1. Less than one percent

2. None.

3. You don't know any, ya big liar.

4. None.

5. Less than one percent.

6. None.

7. A couple, if you're lucky, and are into women with nose rings and tattoos that say, "Born to raise hell." Come to think of it, you oughta share that contact info, too.

How many did you get right?

So. You want to know who gets the girls? We, the subtle, the irresistible; we, the piano players get the girls. It's always been this way, and it will be this way until a better device that attracts the opposite sex is invented.

We don't know why this is the case (there is a theory that a piano is catnip for women, but it's largely anecdotal); we just know it's true, largely from many generations of experience.

Hint: A synthesizer ain't it. An organ? It only worked for Gregg Allman, and it obviously killed him. No, gentlemen, it's the piano. ;)
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C’mon admit it, it’s the Accordion ya liar ;)

László said:
"Because bass players have bigger..."

"...Wallets?"
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Strings.

sergiodeblanc said:
Where’s the data on the gay and bi shredders? I bet those dudes are crushing it.
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But what about Baby Metal?
 
László said:
But the bassoon has that fish-hook shaped attachment for the mouthpiece. So I'd say nah.

I suppose you could go with clarinet, but it's really too far detached from the applicable position relative to the body for serious consideration.

Then, too, you don't find very many metal clarinetists.
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Have you heard the term skin flute? Or in my case skin piccolo. ;-)
 
László said:
Likes your playing? At least there's that!

I met my wife at the Seriously, This Really IS Hell Experience.

On the bright side, we did get the factory tour.
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Well, she's now a fellow musician after we called her up on stage at a gig (started out as percussionist, now bass player, and vocalist too), so I'm guessing she just likes music...

When you say "I met my wife at the Seriously, This Really IS Hell Experience" do you mean you literally met her at an Experience PRS event? How did that happen?
 
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