Take this test. Correct answers are below:
1.What percentage of the members of this or any guitar forum do you estimate are women?
2. What musical instrument is more phallic in playing position than a guitar (OK, the cello is kind of phallic, I'll grant you, but it sits on the floor and doesn't count).
3. How many women do you know personally who want to spend their time watching you playing with your junk (BTW, if you know more than one or two, you really ought to share their contact info)?
4. How many male piano players go onstage without a shirt wearing goofy makeup (again, if you know any female piano players who do this, you have the obligation to share contact info)?
5. What percentage of women are turned on watching you engage in ambiguously sexual poses with the lead singer and bass player?
6. How many women get horny seeing guitar faces?
7. How many women want to go out on the street with you in your metal-studded leather pants, no shirt, and makeup?
Correct answers:
1. Less than one percent
2. None.
3. You don't know
any, ya big liar.
4. None.
5. Less than one percent.
6. None.
7. A couple, if you're lucky, and are into women with nose rings and tattoos that say, "Born to raise hell." Come to think of it, you oughta share that contact info, too.
How many did you get right?
So. You want to know who gets the girls? We, the subtle, the irresistible; we, the piano players get the girls. It's always been this way, and it will be this way until a better device that attracts the opposite sex is invented.
We don't know why this is the case (there is a theory that a piano is catnip for women, but it's largely anecdotal); we just know it's true, largely from many generations of experience.
Hint: A synthesizer ain't it. An organ? It only worked for Gregg Allman, and it obviously killed him. No, gentlemen, it's the piano.