I'm The World's Laziest Guitar Player

[László]

Yesterday afternoon I was working on an ad project in my studio, and it came time to re-do one of the scratch guitar parts I'd simply laid down in a hurry the week before. So I got out the guitar I used for the scratch track, and found that in the interim the strings had become pretty dead.

I'd have pressed on regardless, but the strings were so dead I couldn't bring myself to record with it.

So did I change the strings like a normal session player would in order to use the same guitar for the session?

Uh...well...no.

I went to the guitar room and got my other guitar instead -- a completely different type of guitar! Because I'm the Laziest Guitar Player In The World!!

 

[strat63]

Not sure if that makes you the laziest guitar player in the world, but that is a bit lazy. Not that I'm immune to bouts of laziness myself sometimes.

 

[Whitecat]

Simple solution - pay a guitar tech to keep full-time office hours with you.

 

[László]

"I see you bought another new guitar again. Why? You said you finally had the perfect guitars."

"Well I did, but the strings became dead on my #1 guitar, so I had to replace it."

"You did WHAT? Are you crazy, why not just change the strings?"

"Couldn't afford to."

"But strings are only a few bucks a package."

"Yeah, it's not the strings that are expensive, it's the guitar tech you have to hire. At least a grand a week for an inexperienced one."

"But your friends all do that themselves."

"Yup, they sure do. Oh, look, this one came with brand new strings!!!"

"I see you also bought a new car?"

"Yeah, the old one got dirty."

 

[László]

Not sure if that makes you the laziest guitar player in the world, but that is a bit lazy.

Are you kidding? It's super-lazy! That's why I'm The Laziest Guitar Player In The World!"

And I still haven't changed the strings. I'll be cutting tracks today with the other guitar. Maybe this weekend...zzzzzzzz....

 

[strat63]

That's funny.

 

[Whitecat]

"I see you bought another new guitar again. Why? You said you finally had the perfect guitars."

"Well I did, but the strings became dead on my #1 guitar, so I had to replace it."

"You did WHAT? Are you crazy, why not just change the strings?"

"Couldn't afford to."

"But strings are only a few bucks a package."

"Yeah, it's not the strings that are expensive, it's the guitar tech you have to hire. At least a grand a week for an inexperienced one."

"But your friends all do that themselves."

"Yup, they sure do. Oh, look, this one came with brand new strings!!!"

"I see you also bought a new car?"

"Yeah, the old one got dirty."

I might just try that script out myself... now where's my credit card...?!

 

[JustRob]

A grand a week? $52K a year isn't a bad gig. I hear real estate is cheap in Detroit. :laugh:

 

[drdoom8793]

A grand a week? $52K a year isn't a bad gig. I hear real estate is cheap in Detroit. :laugh:

More than I make! Les, if you're hiring, I'll send you my resume! :wink:

Maybe I'm the oddball, but I actually really enjoy changing my strings. Maybe it's just the sound of a brand new set, but I always like changing them out.

 

[wardog]

A grand a week? $52K a year isn't a bad gig. I hear real estate is cheap in Detroit. :laugh:

it is, you can have a house in hamtramck for 10-15k

 

[rugerpc]

You can save even more money by living in a van down by the river....

 

[Morphine]

At least it's a good excuse to give the other guitars that aren't #1 some play time.

 

[Suppalak Klabdee]

What keep me wondering is which guitar are you talking about

 

[Raven17]

What keep me wondering is which guitar are you talking about

Me too! Lol

 

[László]

What keep me wondering is which guitar are you talking about

Strings were dead on The Hammer Of The Gods, a.k.a. the McCarty Singlecut.

"Hello, this is PRS guitars."

"PTC please."

"This is the PTC, Skitchy speaking."

"Hi Skitchy, I think it's time for a string change on my McCarty Singlecut."

(silence ensues for a few beats)

"Um...well, do you want a setup or do you need a mod or repair?"

"No, the guitar is perfect. I just need a string change."

"Hang on a sec."

Puts his hand on the phone's mouthpiece and says, "You're not going to believe this, some dude wants to send his guitar in for a string change!!!??!!!"

SFX - Raucous laughter

(trying to compose self) "Look, I'm sorry man, but you can change your strings, right, I mean you know how?"

"Oh certainly, but that would mean I have to do it myself."

"Hang on a sec."

More laughter, this time Skitchy falls down laughing so hard.

"Heh...I mean sorry...haha...sorry don't mean to laugh...look, you can take the guitar to your dealer, and the dealer can do that for you. We...uh...haha...heheheh...snicker...I'm sorry, someone just said something funny....we don't do that here. MMmmmmmffff...hahahaha....bye."

>>Sound of phone buttons being pressed.<<

"Hello, Lee?"

"Yes?"

"Are you available for a gig? I need a string change on one of my guitars."

"Um...do you mean a tour to change your strings, like I do with Eric Clapton?"

"Well, no. Just a short one day gig to change the strings on one of my guitars."

"Hahahahahahahaha, oops sorry I ..... hahahahahahahahahahahna....heh. Haha. Heheh....woo! Well, dude, I think I'm booked. Yeah. Sorry. Hah. Heheh. Hahahahahahah!! (hangs up phone). "Honey, I just got a call from The Laziest Guitarist In The World!!!"

 

[László]

Click clack click click clack clack. Typing in www,ebay etc...

"Let's see, create listing...."

click click type type type...

"McCarty Singlecut, artist relations...built by Private Stock...perfect condition, sounds and plays great but needs new strings....type type...there, it's listed. I listed my guitar with the dead strings on eBay, honey!"

"You're an idiot. Why not just change the strings? In fact, you could have changed the strings on the guitar in less time than it took you to create this thread and the three posts you've already done."

"Yes but that would mean I have to change my strings!"

"How much money will you lose?"

"I dunno, a few thousand bucks I guess."

"Fine. I'm going to buy a gub and shoot you."

"There's no such thing as a gub."

"Yes there is, Woody Allen held up a bank with a gub in Bananas."

"He said it was a gun."

"The banker said the note looked like 'gub.'"

"That was only in the movie."

"I'm still going to shoot and kill you as soon as I get back from the gun shop."

"OK, have fun. See you in a few."

"I'm serious."

"So am I. It means I won't have to sell the guitar or change the strings."

 

[Blues Trucker]

Im enjoying the story. Look, if you really need someone to change your strings send me the guitar and Ill change em for you. I promise to send it back, it just might take a few days................. or so.
You may be the worlds laziest guitar player but im the worlds biggest procrastinator.

 

[László]

"Mount Olympus."

"Thor please."

"I'm sorry, you've called the wrong sacred mountain. This is Mount Olympus, there's no Thor here. You might try Valhalla."

"Thanks!"

"Hello, Valhalla, how can we help you?"

"Thor please."

"I'm sorry, Thor's on location making a movie. Perhaps you'd like to talk to his brother, Loki, who's taking his calls?"

"No, I really need Thor. Is there a way I can reach him?"

"I'll text you his cell phone number. Thanks for calling. Would you like to take our free survey at the end of this call?"

"No thanks. Bye."

-tap tap-

"This is Thor."

Hello Thor, I have one of your Hammers, and I'm wondering, if I pray to you, would you mind changing the strings on it?"

"Dude, I don't accept prayers any more. I'm a movie star now, and before that I was a comic book star. The whole god thing doesn't move me. I'm sorry."

"Well, thanks anyway, at least you didn't laugh at me."

"Oh, I'll laugh the minute we hang up, I promise you, World's Laziest Guitar Player."

"How'd you know it was me? It doesn't say that on my caller ID!"

"Dude, I am a god, OK? We can figure stuff like that out."

 

[László]

"Hi Paul, it's Les. I met you at the 30th Anniversary Party, remember?"

"Not really."

"Remember, I talked to you about having my own signature model"

"Oh god, not you again."

"Well Paul, I have a complaint and I figured that it'd be best to go straight to the top."

"How'd you get my cell phone number, Les?"

"From Thor."

"OK, shoot. What's the problem."

"My strings are dead."

"Les, how long have you had the guitar?"

"I dunno, ten, eleven months."

"Well of course your strings are dead, you idiot! You don't wait that long to change strings on a guitar!"

"I changed them once already, but they went dead again."

"Les, I know players who change their strings every single day!"

"Those guys have techs. I have to do it myself. At PRS prices, I don't think I should ever have to change my strings."

silence

"Les, I'm going to hang up now and start laughing so hard I might hurt myself. Bye."

 

[alantig]

I went to the guitar room and got my other guitar instead -- a completely different type of guitar! Because I'm the Laziest Guitar Player In The World!!

Nice try, but by getting and going to the guitar room, you disqualified yourself. The laziest guitarist would have called or texted someone else to go get the guitar for them.

You have to work at being lazy. It doesn't just come naturally.

You may be the worlds laziest guitar player but im the worlds biggest procrastinator.

You could officially be the world's biggest procrastinator - if you ever finished the application process. Then again, maybe that's a test - if you do finish it, you disqualify yourself.

You should look into that.








Someday.