Gentlemen:
LSchefman, being an especially considerate humanitarian, doesn't want others to feel badly about their tedious, repetitive jobs that interfere with their many NGDs. In his typical gentlemanly fashion, he has instead retained this PR firm to be obnoxious on his behalf.
We have been asked do so in a very sportsmanlike manner, stressing the importance of life in the workforce, and the joys of associating on a daily basis with one's fellow workers and colleagues. We have been requested to not rub in everyones' noses the fact that this disgusting slacker -- sorry, I meant, our wonderful client --gets to wake up whenever he wants to, work in his pajamas, be home for NGD, and so on. But as he often reminds us, it's not like he has an office janitor to clean up. He has to do that himself.
As if the rest of us don't. The lazy swine!
Wait, I'm sorry, really. I shouldn't have said that about our client. Please, forget I said that.
But I digress.
Instead, we will b*tch on LSchefman's behalf about the fact that he works late into the evenings, that he rarely sees the light of day, and that his coffin does not always make for comfortable sleeping arrangements. Blah, blah, blah. Mere excuses for indolence, as far as I am concerned! Yes I know, I'm not supposed to say that. But this man is absolutely infuriating. I'm sorry. I'll get to the point.
Yes, he wishes to assure you all that his NGDs are among the most pleasurable events in his life, even though as a result of his lifestyle choice, he doesn't enjoy all that many of them. Which serves him right, of course!
We thank you for your support and comradeship.
Very truly yours,
Aloysius V. Periwinkle
Tinkle, Binkle and Periwinkle Public Relations
Not Your Ordinary PR Agency To The Stars
