Meditation is hella powerful IMO! Here is my story ;~))
In 2006, I moved to a new location. When I did so I decided to try and clean myself up a bit, so I went vegan (for intended one year), started a daily exercise program (which I stuck to for that same year), started focusing on my music, cut news out of my life, gave up drinking and smoking (once again for an intended year) and decided for the first time in my life to try a little meditation! What could go wrong, right? As a result of such activity, I got down to my high school weight (180, started at 230), made some music and felt way better physically and mentally. The one thing that did not last that full year was meditation.
My "method" of meditation was developed by me reading dozens of articles on what people define as meditation and what the common techniques and practices are. I took that info and developed what I thought were the best components of all worlds. There was no sacred phrase or chant, just me trying to clear my mind of all thoughts and give my mind a chance to rest (like Bob Dylan once quipped "I need a dump truck baby to, unload my head"). I started at 5 minutes and had worked my way up to ~30 minute routines over the course of the first 6 months.
And then it happened, the most hallucinogenic transformative other worldly frightening powerful feeling I ever had in my life (and I have taken a LOT of hallucinogenic drugs in what Terrence McKenna would label heroic doses). It is like something grabbed my soul, my mind, my whole being and thrust me into deep space. I could see myself floating through the stars in a fetal position (still a baby). I literally felt like I was touching the "force" of the universe. I am literally getting chills typing this as I do every time I tell the story. Anyway, it scared the F out of me. I stopped my routine and paced about the house for about an hour trying to figure out what had just happened (I was living alone at that time), what it meant, etc. I did not immediately reach a conclusion on these queries, but I was able to calm down and re-enter this very limited world we live in.
I have not meditated since. I feel blessed to have reached such a place with a limited time in the world of meditation, but it was simply too much for me. I was not ready to go further and have not been ready since. I have thought about getting back into it, but it literally scares me. And that fear ties in with what I came to believe as the message or my interpretation of that event. I believe that I was being told that in the universe, I am still just a newborn soul. I also believe that said infancy is in part of my own doing by NOT taking actions I should have taken my entire life (including but not limited to pursuing my musical passions). I sometimes wish I would have dived deeper, I may be in a better place in so many ways, but I did not.
All said, I am not trying to discourage anyone from meditating. As my opening statement says in this post, it is powerful. And it can be exactly what many people need. I would compare many religions to forms of meditation which many people need in their lives. I would also note that many people will try very hard to gain something from their meditation and will reach very little because they are not able to let go of this world, which is more or less what I am guilty of for running away from that path. I would recommend that everyone try it at some point in their lives and that means for at least a month or so to try and get your foot in the door ;~))
Lola, I hope your journey helps you find some peace in your currently hectic life! I know you need that ;~))
Pot never failed to give me a serious case of the munchies back in the day. If I did that now I'd probably weigh over #300...
