Wild West Guitars: Voodoo Tiger Strikes!

Thank you, Serge Protector. The Voodoo Tiger finish idea came to me one night during a hard-rock/heavy-metal showdown at The Voodoo Lounge, after spending perhaps a bit too much time at Francesca's bar station, when I inadvertently tripped over a stunning tiger-fabric chair, stumbling forward in a somewhat-humiliating crash landing, suddenly finding myself up-close-and-personal with the savage tiger print on the incredibly soft-yet-lumbar-supporting tiger loveseat that broke my fall. In that moment, I thought, "Voodoo Tiger Tonight!" I must admit, the episode, which I liken to Alexander Fleming's discovery of penicillin (also a high-point for our rock n' roll community many years ago) stands as a serendipitous six-string event, and certainly reminds me of those hot-and-humid encounters you and I spent with your benefactor, the good Dr. Xo, as the Thailandian zenith of your career crescendoed into its dirty-jungle apex (in the night)! Here, we see Voodoo Lounge bartenders Naiva (pronounced like navel but with an uh at the end) on Francesca's right; and Francesca, wearing a floral print most certainly worthy of Dr. Xo's most flamboyant silk smoking jackets. Voodoo Tiger ON! - DFD
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Brother Diamond, much has transpired since our last communication. It was only upon seeing seeing the striking VooDoo Tiger that I awakened to find Dr. Kxo's newest report slid under the door of my cargo container/cabana perched upon the port side of a Hyundai shipping vessel-turned-mobile command center named the S.S. Stallion.

As you know, we first saw that amazing tiger print on our trip in April 1985 when Wham! became the first western pop group to perform in China. It was then that you, George, Andrew, myself, and George's girlfriend, Kathy Jeung met the great Dr. Kxo for the first time as he was working on a synthetically cloned tiger print bustier for Kathy to wear in what would have originally been the Wham! video for "I Want Your Sex".

Remember Kathy (we called her Kat at the time)?



Unbeknownst to us, that was the time where the foundation of the world's greatest band (Wham!) began to crumble.

Kathy modeled the bustier for the room and Dr.Kxo gave us all swatches to take back to the hotel for the evening. While I (an 11 yr old still riding the celebrity high of being "Sam McKinney's" from Diff' rent Strokes stunt double) was ordering Perrier Jouet from room service for the two of us as you were chipping lead paint from the window sill for us to smoke in a cored pear, when thereupon a commotion erupted in the hallway between Andrew, Kathy, and George.

Apparently Voodoo Tiger has the power to render all those that view it unable to resist the pains of sexual fortitude when tuned to 440hz... From what I gathered, Andrew must've been playing guitar near the swatch of tiger print when George and Kathy were foolin' around next door and all hell broke loose. As I remember it, George accused Andrew of trying to impregnate Kathy with only the guitar riff from "Careless Whisper" while Andrew swore the instrument capable of that was the saxophone from the song. Their deal with Innervision Records ended over the dispute, a new one was reached with Epic Records naming Andrew as co-writer to the solo George piece "Careless Whisper" if he relinquished authorship of "I Want Your Sex", and you and I were offered a settlement and made to sign a NDA to never discuss the situation again.

Why is this important you may ask? Let me catch you up.

Dr. Kxo has been the curator of my estate since I petitioned for emancipation from my parents in the 1990's. He had reminded me that if any party decided to break the NDA then the other parties would have a legal right to the publishing of the sexiest song ever written: Careless Whisper.... Unless a rightful biological heir was discovered from the alleged tryst. That is why Dr. Kxo and I sent Naiva and Francesca to work for you, and why I had you send me DNA swabs from them.

Unfortunately, I may have used those swabs as dabbers for my vaporizer, as open fire is a great concern aboard the ship and the Doctor has confiscated all of my lighters. The Doctor and I feel that there is enough evidence of a similarity in the facial recognition software results from the picture of Naiva and Francesca to warrant you sending another specimen.

Notice the similarity of skin tone and cheekbone structure between Kathy, George, Andrew, and the girls:



There are literally tens-of-dollars in Spotify royalties at stake if these women turn out to be the heiress' of the Wham! estate. I trust you understand the gravity of our situation and will use great discretion until the Ancestry.com results come in.

Sincerely,
Sergio
 
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Brother Diamond, much has transpired since our last communication. It was only upon seeing seeing the striking VooDoo Tiger that I awakened to find Dr. Kxo's newest report slid under the door of my cargo container/cabana perched upon the port side of a Hyundai shipping vessel-turned-mobile command center named the S.S. Stallion.

As you know, we first saw that amazing tiger print on our trip in April 1985 when Wham! became the first western pop group to perform in China. It was then that you, George, Andrew, myself, and George's girlfriend, Kathy Jeung met the great Dr. Kxo for the first time as he was working on a synthetically cloned tiger print bustier for Kathy to wear in what would have originally been the Wham! video for "I Want Your Sex".

Remember Kathy (we called her Kat at the time)?



Unbeknownst to us, that was the time where the foundation of the world's greatest band (Wham!) began to crumble.

Kathy modeled the bustier for the room and Dr.Kxo gave us all swatches to take back to the hotel for the evening. While I (an 11 yr old still riding the celebrity high of being "Sam McKinney's" from Diff' rent Strokes stunt double) was ordering Perrier Jouet from room service for the two of us as you were chipping lead paint from the window sill for us to smoke in a cored pear, when thereupon a commotion erupted in the hallway between Andrew, Kathy, and George.

Apparently Voodoo Tiger has the power to render all those that view it unable to resist the pains of sexual fortitude when tuned to 440hz... From what I gathered, Andrew must've been playing guitar near the swatch of tiger print when George and Kathy were foolin' around next door and all hell broke loose. As I remember it, George accused Andrew of trying to impregnate Kathy with only the guitar riff from "Careless Whisper" while Andrew swore the instrument capable of that was the saxophone from the song. Their deal with Innervision Records ended over the dispute, a new one was reached with Epic Records naming Andrew as co-writer to the solo George piece "Careless Whisper" if he relinquished authorship of "I Want Your Sex", and you and I were offered a settlement and made to sign a NDA to never discuss the situation again.

Why is this important you may ask? Let me catch you up.

Dr. Kxo has been the curator of my estate since I petitioned for emancipation from my parents in the 1990's. He had reminded me that if any party decided to break the NDA then the other parties would have a legal right to the publishing of the sexiest song ever written: Careless Whisper.... Unless a rightful biological heir was discovered from the alleged tryst. That is why Dr. Kxo and I sent Naiva and Francesca to work for you, and why I had you send me DNA swabs from them.

Unfortunately, I may have used those swabs as dabbers for my vaporizer, as open fire is a great concern aboard the ship and the Doctor has confiscated all of my lighters. The Doctor and I feel that there is enough evidence of a similarity in the facial recognition software results from the picture of Naiva and Francesca to warrant you sending another specimen.

Notice the similarity of skin tone and cheekbone structure between Kathy, George, Andrew, and the girls:



There are literally tens-of-dollars in Spotify royalties at stake if these women turn out to be the heiress' of the Wham! estate. I trust you understand the gravity of our situation and will use great discretion until the Ancestry.com results come in.

Sincerely,
Sergio
Needless to say, Serge Protector, your ancestry.com revelations struck like lightning today. Your powers of deductive reasoning and photo analysis never cease to amaze, which is precisely why your stock continues to rise within Dr. Kxo's "Agency," beyond his strong belief in your axemanship and the major Thailandian pop-rock-with-an-edge following you wield like a financial battering ram in the remote region. Thunderstruck, I realized that there were so many emotions in play. I popped open a chilled bottle of Barefoot Extra Dry Champagne and cracked a fresh carton of Tropicana Original light-pulp orange juice and slipped into a mimosa-fueled, misty water-colored memory of the way we were, back in the 80's, reckless and free... (continued below photo).
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Deep down, I knew there were so many things, beyond money, that were important and touching about the Naiva-Francesca-Michael-Ridgley-and-Kat ancestry.com "outing," and our involvement in those intoxicating island nights, far beyond our potential financial gain; but I couldn't think of any of them. Which is why tonight I play Wham!'s "Careless Whisper" on a loop and remember the look in Dr. Kxo's eyes in 1985 when he first heard you banging away on a pristine PRS Custom 24 Vintage Yellow flame-top axe (which I know you wish you still owned today) through an unforgiving Fender Twin Reverb combo amp you'd dragged into our Holiday Inn hotel room, as Kat strutted her stuff in various Voodoo Tiger fabric bustiers in all her "I Want Your Sex" video-model glory. So tonight, George Michael gets the last line: "So I'm never gonna dance again... the way I danced with you...." Voodoo Tiger ON! - DFD

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