Touchy subject

Daryl Jones said:
Lola, I sort of know what you deal with from my own personal demons. I was too proud to share my affliction with anyone until it almost destroyed me. But I managed to get through it. Maybe not the prescribed way, but I did it. It was a highly personal battle and I will leave it at that.

Some/many of you know that I ride and race motorcycles. That has been a part of me since I was in my early teens, as soon as I was legally able to do so. Much to the chagrin of my parents. Fortunately they had both passed on when I crashed on the racetrack almost 6 years ago. I consider it a minor track occurrence since I suffered no long term disfigurement or disability from it. My wife sort of disagrees with my assessment on the matter, but she doesn't forbid me my addiction to that part of my life. And she does enjoy riding with me to distant destinations on the Goldwing. And yes, I've caught her studying the inside of her eyelids on the pillion seat. I have armrests on the back so she can't (easily anyway) fall off if she nods. I also caught her reading a book while we rode through the Redwoods in California. Now that I took issue with, and it nearly put her on a bus or an airplane home I was so pi$$ed. I can see reading in southern Saskatchewan or maybe Iowa or North Dakota, but not when there are monumental sights to behold. Some things should be sacred should they not? ;)

She hated the two Harleys I owned (and I hated one of them as it was a POS), along with the sport tourer I had for a couple years. And she has never ridden (or asked to) on the back of any of my sport bikes. Neither HD was an Ultra, but I did have a Roadking which was a superb bike, but it got totaled in Arizona on a solo trip. I did have a very customized Japanese cruiser that I loved to bits for 10 years, but she hated that too, I think it might have had something to do with the shotgun duals and the "dicier" crowd that I rode with during that time... which coincided with my personal problem I mentioned.

I didn't turn fanatically religious in the aftermath, although I did seek help in that realm with some friends as well as a local Pastor. But I also had the support of a very dear and close friend, who I will always be eternally grateful to for her assistance and unconditional love. I also took my martial arts training in a more introspective and philosophical way, which I think taught me more about my inner self than anything else I have ever done on my own. My students in the dojo were a huge influence in that part, even though they didn't know they were helping me out of a personal crisis.
This is something that no one other than the select few I've mentioned, and those of you that read this, have I ever spoken to on the subject. Not even my two brothers. And I still have music, which I believe gave me a sense of worth and inner peace. Now when I feel incomplete, I can find comfort in the beauty of a song, or the struggle to nail a new riff or lead line that has previously vexed me.
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Thank you kindly for sharing. Other then here no one else knows what is going on. Everything in regards to this has been very guarded in my life. Some ppl don’t understand. When I had a melt down my good friend said to me, “aren’t you over that yet?” Her reply blew my mind and I find out she was not to be the caring friend I thought she was. You just don’t turn off PTSD at will!

I too find solace in my guitar. It has kept me from going off the rails on a crazy train that is very hard to manage at times.
 
It's sort of funny that we can bare our souls to relative strangers that have become friends in ways that differ from our daily lives. But I'm fair certain most everyone has some hidden bones in their closet.
I too appreciate this group more than I let on.
 
Daryl Jones said:
It's sort of funny that we can bare our souls to relative strangers that have become friends in ways that differ from our daily lives. But I'm fair certain most everyone has some hidden bones in their closet.
I too appreciate this group more than I let on.
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So many of us have been raised to see strangers as dangerous and scary. What would happen if we instead saw them as potential sources of comfort and belonging?

I think that is definitely a big part of the equation. I find everyone here very accepting and non judgemental.
 
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Lola said:
So many of us have been raised to see strangers as dangerous and scary. What would happen if we instead saw them as potential sources of comfort and belonging?

I think that is definitely a big part of the equation. I find everyone here very accepting and non judgemental.
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The way I was raised, we are all equal and everyone is a potential friend until they prove they are not. I have been burned by people that I thought were friends that I found out the hard way were not but I still give everyone the same opportunity to become a friend when I meet them. I am probably guilty of giving too much trust up front until I see that is not a good thing to do. That has burned me a few times but I still do it.
 
JasonE said:
The way I was raised, we are all equal and everyone is a potential friend until they prove they are not. I have been burned by people that I thought were friends that I found out the hard way were not but I still give everyone the same opportunity to become a friend when I meet them. I am probably guilty of giving too much trust up front until I see that is not a good thing to do. That has burned me a few times but I still do it.
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I am extremely leery of letting ppl in my life. I was burned badly by a supposed good friend of 35 years. She stabbed me in the back several times. I have also had some ppl blatantly betray my trust. I am very agreeable and will do anything you ask of me! It doesn’t matter what “it” entails. But don’t stab me in the back. I won’t tolerate this. I just cut ppl off like this. I love me and respect myself so I don’t need any ppl like this in my life.
 
Lola said:
I am extremely leery of letting ppl in my life. I was burned badly by a supposed good friend of 35 years. She stabbed me in the back several times. I have also had some ppl blatantly betray my trust. I am very agreeable and will do anything you ask of me! It doesn’t matter what “it” entails. But don’t stab me in the back. I won’t tolerate this. I just cut ppl off like this. I love me and respect myself so I don’t need any ppl like this in my life.
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Don't get me wrong, if you make my bad list, it is nearly impossible to get your name off of that list. There are certain shenanigans that I know are going to result in a person making that list and they get the quicker path to the list. Once you make that list, you are dead to me.
 
Lola said:
Do any of you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks?

We all have problems but sometimes an outsiders perception of the situation can be enlightening.
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My stepdaughter has had problems with anxiety, and my ex-wife had a panic attack 30+ years ago when she was in her late 20’s. she was admitted to the hospitol and said she would have bet anything she was having a heart attack. I have had a heart attack, and know what that feels like, so my utmost sympathy goes out to anyone with either of these problems.
 
I had full blown panic disorder when I was 30 and it was very acute for a few months. I'd have a panic attack in the middle of the night and have to pace up and down the road for a half hour until the adrenaline surge wore off. My girlfriend, at the time It was the worst, thought I was nuts. It subsided into just occasional panic attacks for a few years after and I haven't had a panic attack now in several years. I was lucky that Xanax was still being prescribed back then because it really saved my bacon. I still get anxiety, but it's very situational now, and not bad at all. I guess it was just one of those things my body grew into and then out of. They say our bodies change every 7 years or so.
 
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