The Fairness Meter

[tacomadriver]

I heard a talk once about giving and receiving gifts. It involved having something I call a fairness meter. One of the examples was giving the gift of opening a door for someone. The scale is balanced when the receiver gives you an acknowledgement back or a thank you. When you aren't acknowledged your fairness meter goes off and you know an unbalance. Apparently the fairness meter has varying degrees of sensitivity although I don't think the adjustment is user friendly. For me it gets in the way of enjoying a lot of what is going on around me because I find my self measuring or judging the experience rather than being in the moment and letting it happen. It is a rare moment when I can let all that go but I find playing my guitar is frequently one thing I do that lets me just be in the moment. Anyone else have a fairness meter that gets in the way of life?

 

[László]

Anyone else have a fairness meter that gets in the way of life?

To take your door opening example one step further; certain things you do for others aren't gifts, they're just good manners. If the other person lacks the upbringing to say, "thanks," that's their loss. It takes nothing away from you. In fact, I wouldn't even call it an unfair exchange, as it's the other person's loss.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Certain things in life aren't fair - big things. There are people who are suffering for huge reasons. When you get upset because your fairness meter goes off on things that aren't life and death, you're making yourself suffer needlessly. As life goes on, one suffers big losses enough. No need to throw unimportant things on the pile and give yourself additional grief.

 

[veinbuster]

I think it is best to do good deeds with no expectations. Just do what you think is right and feel good about it.