I remember seeing an interview with Paul McCartney on PBS. Paul was asked if he thought Ringo was the best drummer in the world.
He replied, "I don't even think Ringo is the best drummer in the band!"
Oooh, that's mean, funny but mean.
Pete Best would be turning in his grave ... if he's dead :dontknow:
Some more ...
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music
store and says to the owner, “I’d like to look at the accordions, please.” The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says “All our accordions are
over there.” After browsing, the drummer says, “I think I’d like the big red one in the corner.” The store owner looks at him and says, “You’re a
drummer, aren’t you?” The drummer, crestfallen, says, “How did you know?” The store owner says, “That `big red accordion’ is the radiator.”
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, “Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great
kisser?” “Nah,” the first girl replied. “That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all.” The next night she went out with a tuba player, and
when she came back her roommate asked, “Well, how was his kissing?” “Ugh!” the first girl exclaimed. “Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of
meat; oh, it was just gross!” The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, “Well, how was his
kissing?” “Well,” the first girl replied, “his kissing was just so-so; but he kept trying to stick his hand up my ass!”
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: "When do we get to play MY songs?"
Q: What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A: Drummers!
Q: How many union roadies does it take to plug in an amp?
A: Eleven. You got a problem with that?
Q: Why are set breaks limited to 20 minutes?
A: So the band doesn't have to re-train the drummer!
Q: If you were lost in the woods - who would you ask directions from:
An out-of-tune bass player, an in-tune bass player, or Santa Claus?
A: An out-of-tune bass player! The other two indicate you were hallucinating.
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me either.
Why are bar band agent’s hearts so coveted for transplants?
They’ve had so little use.
A musician calls his agent’s office to talk to his band’s agent. “I’m
sorry, he’s dead,” comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times,
always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks
him why he keeps calling. “I just like to hear you say it.”
What’s the difference between a lead guitar player and the rear end of a horse?
I don’t know either.
How to guitar players traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. I’m better than you.”
How do you know when a female lead singer is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
Why can’t a gorilla be a rock drummer?
He’s too sensitive.
What is the dynamic range of an electric guitar?
On or off.
How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
Three! One to hold the bulb and two to drink ’till the room spins.
These two sound men walk past a bar… Well, it could happen! (oh wait, maybe not, nevermind)
You’re too old to play gigs when…..
1.It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than for your amp.
2.Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
3.All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
4.All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
5.You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your play list.
6.Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
7.You don’t know (or care) who any of the new bands are.
8.You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
9.You’ve thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
10.You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
11.The waitress is your daughter.
12.You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
13.Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
14.You find your drink tokens from last month’s gig in your guitar case.
15.You refuse to play without earplugs.
16.You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
17.You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
18.Your gig stool has a back.
19.You’re related to at least one member in the band.
20.You don’t let any one sit in.
21.You need a nap before the gig.
22.After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
23.During the breaks, you now go to the van to lay down.
24.You prefer a music stand with a light.
25.You don’t recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday afternoon.
26.You hope the host’s speech lasts forever…..
27.You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
28.Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar ’cause they’re younger than your daughter.
29.You can remember seven different club names for the same location …
30.You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it
31.Your set list is dance able.
32.You think “homey” means cozy and warm
33.You have to look over your glasses to check your PA connections.
34.You’re playing the same venue in three months and you ask the club owner if you can leave your amp!
35.Most of the band members are a lot younger than you.
36.Your son is waiting for the gig to end to drive you and your stuff home, then go back out and party…
37.Your date couldn’t make it because she couldn’t find a sitter for the grandkids…
38.In consideration of your age, the audience requests some British invasion.
39.On all out of town gigs you draw straws to see who the driver will be coming home.
40.You start listing your truss as a “business expense”.
41.You forget to take your Flowmax so all sets that night are only 15 minutes long.
42.When you get a “Cease and Desist” letter from the Spandex co.
43.When you play 2 nights in a row, and the next day your body aches like you played in the Super Bowl!
44.Or, you play a Wednesday night gig and call into work sick on Thursday and Friday..
45.When the only “Stones” you care about are in your gallbladder or kidney.
46.You have to charge extra money if there are any steps to climb.
47.Your hearing has deteriorated so badly that you actually ask the guitar player to “turn himself up.
48.You call out the next song only to have someone remind you played it 10 minutes earlier.
49.Your drugs are keeping you alive rather than killing you.
50.You worry more about breaking a hip than being hip.
51.Musicians half your age are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or have appeared on postage stamps.
52.The only white powder to be found amongst the band members is foot talc.
Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and
they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on
earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The
second musician says “I was a jazz musician…kill me now
Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A: Evidently all of them.
Q: How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: How do you get two lead guitarists to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
Q: What do you call in “in-tune electric guitar?”
A: An oxymoron.
Mommy, Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!”
“Now Johnny, you can’t do both!”
Q: Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A: Neither have I.
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None…they just steal someone else’s light.
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one– but he’ll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
Q: In the 22nd Century, how many guitarists will it take to change a light source?
A: Five – One to do it and 4 to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were
Q: How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.
Q: How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A: Nobody knows.
Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: A guitar player with a business card.
Q: How many blues guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, one to change the bulb and the others to sing about how much better the old one was!
Q: What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?
A: Big Mac and large fries please!
Q: What’s the definition of an optimist?
A: A guitarist with a mortgage.
Q : What is a gentleman?
A: A guitarist who can play fusion but doesn’t.
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: Why did the guitar player get angry with the singer?
A: The singer turned a string and wouldn’t say which one.
Q: What did the guitarist do when told to turn his amplifier on?
A: He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Q: How do you make a guitarist’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like an Electric Guitar?
A: Add vibrato.
![]-[@n$0Ma☩!©](/data/avatars/m/0/675.jpg?1595235761){kind=avatar}
