Some humor for May 1, 2021

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Moondog Wily, May 1, 2021.

  1. Moondog Wily

    Moondog Wily Howlin' At The Moon!

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2021
    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    1,043
    John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

    The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself ...that's the last thing I need.

    Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

    Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason. Details are sketchy.

    People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

    Whatever you do, always give 100% ...unless you're donating blood

    What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.

    What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.

    A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.

    I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps ...but I'm slowly getting over it.

    What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.

    If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

    Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
    John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

    The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself ...that's the last thing I need.

    Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

    Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason. Details are sketchy.

    People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

    Whatever you do, always give 100% ...unless you're donating blood

    What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.

    What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.

    A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.

    I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps ...but I'm slowly getting over it.

    What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.

    If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

    Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
     
  2. bodia

    bodia Authorities said.....best leave it.....unsolved

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    25,402
    Likes Received:
    42,442
    A hearty groan!
     
    LSchefman likes this.
  3. LSchefman

    LSchefman Hears Tones

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    26,276
    Likes Received:
    27,403
    Actually, there's some pretty funny stuff in that list!
     
    Moondog Wily likes this.
  4. NoisyDante

    NoisyDante There’s a fine line between stupid and clever.

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2015
    Messages:
    322
    Likes Received:
    1,287
    Cop: Sir, your blood test came back positive for opiates.
    Me: Well that must have been the poppy seed bagel I had got breakfast.
    Cop: It also came back positive for THC, methamphetamines, cocaine and LSD.
    Me: Hmmm, must have been an everything bagel.
     
  5. RallyFanatic

    RallyFanatic Perpetual musical mid-life crisis

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2013
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    977
    Haha - good stuff, thanks for the laugh!
     
    Moondog Wily likes this.
  6. Clashcityrocker

    Clashcityrocker RedPilled

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    813
    A Grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says "you have a drink called George?"
     
  7. aphantomvaper

    aphantomvaper New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2020
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    1,419
    A Grasshopper named George! Now THAT's funny!
     
    Moondog Wily likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice