Scoring you own funeral

[veinbuster]

Two threads headed me in this direction: the writing one and the played this week one.

And, a good friend's mom is literally on her death bed.

So I sat down and recorded a quick version of a song I have always liked, but never really listened beyond the vocals - which are captivating. Guitar was the highlight of last week in the 'what are you playing' thread.

Then I started contemplating what might be good for myself. Not that I expect to know or care after I'm dead, but every choice I make in advance has potential to make the whole thing easier for whoever is left behind. I could be wrong though. Putting together a slide show with music for my wife was good therapy.

Anyway, I started playing the mood that I thought would be appropriate and may formalize that into a soundtrack for visuals I have already gathered. I'm contemplating two different collections. One somber and thoughtful. One more upbeat and fun - wakeish if you like.

Feel free to tell me its a terrible idea. Or too morbid.

 

[bodia]

It may be a little morbid, but it definitely isn't a terrible idea. If I were to do this for myself, it would definitely have to be "wakeish," and on the lighter side. Might alienate some attendees, if anyone bother to show up.

 

[alantig]

I've had the same thought over the years, but ultimately have decided I don't really care to have a funeral.

But if I did, I could do worse than having these played. (There are also more downbeat songs I'd want, but as you said, I won't be there.)

 

[sergiodeblanc]

 

[dmatthews]

Two threads headed me in this direction: the writing one and the played this week one.

And, a good friend's mom is literally on her death bed.

So I sat down and recorded a quick version of a song I have always liked, but never really listened beyond the vocals - which are captivating. Guitar was the highlight of last week in the 'what are you playing' thread.

Then I started contemplating what might be good for myself. Not that I expect to know or care after I'm dead, but every choice I make in advance has potential to make the whole thing easier for whoever is left behind. I could be wrong though. Putting together a slide show with music for my wife was good therapy.

Anyway, I started playing the mood that I thought would be appropriate and may formalize that into a soundtrack for visuals I have already gathered. I'm contemplating two different collections. One somber and thoughtful. One more upbeat and fun - wakeish if you like.

Feel free to tell me its a terrible idea. Or too morbid.

Excellent idea! Love it.

 

[dmatthews]

Also... Well played my good man!

 

[Moondog Wily]

I can't imagine that anyone else could do a better job at deciding what gets played at your wake/funeral! Nothing morbid about it IMO. Last year forced me to look at end of life in very real terms, and I wrote "The Devil and the Death Bed", "I Wrote My Will" and "Time Ain't Got No Grave" among other "morbid" songs (along with 50 or so other non-morbid pieces). It was a great relief for me to put that stuff down in writing and release it from swirling in my head. Perhaps composing your own farewell march would have a similar calming/accepting/release effect for you!

 

[veinbuster]

I can't imagine that anyone else could do a better job at deciding what gets played at your wake/funeral! Nothing morbid about it IMO. Last year forced me to look at end of life in very real terms, and I wrote "The Devil and the Death Bed", "I Wrote My Will" and "Time Ain't Got No Grave" among other "morbid" songs (along with 50 or so other non-morbid pieces). It was a great relief for me to put that stuff down in writing and release it from swirling in my head. Perhaps composing your own farewell march would have a similar calming/accepting/release effect for you!

I’m pretty calm, and in a good place.
I expect to have 2-5 decades left, but am looking for a new project. Organizing a lifetime of photos took a few years - I finished last week.

 

[bodia]

I’m pretty calm, and in a good place.
I expect to have 2-5 decades left, but am looking for a new project. Organizing a lifetime of photos took a few years - I finished last week.

New strings on all of the guitars?

 

[tbp0701]

I'd go with wakeish and fun. Celebrate their having been around goofy, frantic me and showing up to say bye.

 

[Moondog Wily]

I’m pretty calm, and in a good place.
I expect to have 2-5 decades left, but am looking for a new project. Organizing a lifetime of photos took a few years - I finished last week.

Right, was not thinking you are leaving tomorrow, just thinking it might be a way to put those thoughts at rest and get the project out of the way. We never know when the unexpected will happen and even though we have our own projections on when we will move on, most of us are incorrect I would say! Long live the Veinbuster!!!

 

[veinbuster]

New strings on all of the guitars?

I’m not that desperate!

 

[sergiodeblanc]

New strings on all of the guitars?

He said he only has 2-5 decades left!

 

[RickP]

I think it’s wonderfully thoughtful. I remember Joey and Rory Feek recording a song called “When I’m Gone.” Years later, she did pass away after battling cancer, and I couldn’t help but think how hard, but soothing and helpful, that song and video of her face and voice had to be later for him.

You‘re right to say it’s about the ones left behind. They’ll have the choice to listen or not, but not the choice to ask you to do it then.

 

[Greywolf]

I've recorded an audio "Eulogy" cd of songs that framed my life , I've given copies to dear friends and told them to play it when I pass.
Knowing that my time left is pretty short, ( doc says 3 more) I'm using it to touch bases with all those who have touched my Life to tell them how much. this is one of the songs that will play ...

 

[Moondog Wily]

About 6 months ago, my girlfriend mentioned to me that she wanted to put together her "Celebration of Life" and host it while she is alive! I thought that was a fabulous idea and although we have not started planning, we do hope to have said celebration sometime this year (not like she is on the verge, but you never know when it will happen). I would love to do it for myself as well and invite people to write and deliver anything they would want to say at that celebration. Like literally pretend I am dead and not there and put it on the line! I think it would be great fun ;~)) No need to show up after we die this way either, we have already celebrated my/her life, so no crying funeral/wake, already had it more or less! I'll post back to this thread if it happens for either of us (the celebration that is, not our deaths)!

 

[toothace]

My Dad set the playlist for his wake...He outlived his cancer diagnosis by almost 2 years, so amongst the things he took care of were writing his own obituary, giving me the playlist for his wake, and setting up with the funeral home to have a scotch bar set up.

So .. not a morbid idea at all.

 

[JasonE]

I've had the same thought over the years, but ultimately have decided I don't really care to have a funeral.

But if I did, I could do worse than having these played. (There are also more downbeat songs I'd want, but as you said, I won't be there.)

My wife and I have both lost both parents already in life. Both of mine had funerals. Her mom was the first that didn't have one and then her dad didn't have one either. My wife and I were married during all of these events. I can tell you that the passing of her parents was much less stress on the family than mine were. The funeral is really stressful on the family that is left, especially if the death was not expected or if they passed younger than expected. IMHO, not having a funeral is not a bad idea. My wife and I will probably not have one due to the experiences we have had with our parents passing.

 

[Coral Sky Music]

So I'll share this with everyone
I have known for awhile what I would like ti be played after I do pass away
The night before Hurricane Ian hit last year I said to myself this might honestly be the last time I lay my head down to rest
I sat in my room alone and listened to these 4 songs before going to sleep

This song I can honestly say it must have took everything out of this wonderful human being to write this song because it takes everything out of me when I hear it

 

[veinbuster]

My wife and I have both lost both parents already in life. Both of mine had funerals. Her mom was the first that didn't have one and then her dad didn't have one either. My wife and I were married during all of these events. I can tell you that the passing of her parents was much less stress on the family than mine were. The funeral is really stressful on the family that is left, especially if the death was not expected or if they passed younger than expected. IMHO, not having a funeral is not a bad idea. My wife and I will probably not have one due to the experiences we have had with our parents passing.

I didn’t find planning a funeral that stressful in the few times I’ve done it. Perhaps only because I didn’t have a family member arguing with me about how it should go. I probably overspent a bit, each time.

The first: there was lots of warning, though the end was sudden. The warning allowed time to understand the wishes of the deceased and service them.

The second: unexpected, but in casual conversation well in advance, I came to understand the wishes of the deceased and see them through. Two family members disagreed (another path was more convenient and to them made sense). I just told them I had explicitly asked and was doing what my mom said she wanted. They could have made it stressful, but chose not to.

The third: completely unexpected and a very short time line. And annoying Covid restrictions. When I got a 3 month warning, I visited a couple of places to get a sense of options. 3 months became 3 weeks, so lots of quick decisions to pull something together. Honestly, I was probably better off doing this than sitting on my butt being sad.

This isn’t to say not having a funeral is wrong. That label isn’t that important to me. I do think a conscious acknowledgment of the passing of someone you care about has value. Sharing that acknowledgment can be beneficial. We are a social species.