Similar situation for me, too. I played in symphonic bands, wind ensembles, jazz bands, pit bands, heck, everything I could from 6th grade to junior year in college. There was no such thing as ‘memorization’. And there was no band without a conductor. No sir, it just can’t happen. But could I comprehend improv? Nope. And after 3 private teachers and several years, I gave up. That’s when I picked up a guitar. But this time I would refuse to read music for this instrument and resort to playing by ear exclusively. I felt liberated. At one point, I thought I could play anything on my instrument and was extremely confident sight reading most things put in front of me. But playing a Kansas (Livgren) tune after playing to the album a few times was the biggest rush I’d experienced. There’s endorphins involved in this feeling, so it could be an addiction.
Not by comparison, but by contrast: My musical training began in 4th grade with the saxophone, but stopped several weeks later when my grade school music teacher asked why I couldn't play what was being taught: lack of motivation, fear of disturbing my family at home, and no practice. Well. The teacher then asked if I felt suited to the instrument any further, and my answer was a meek, "No, m'am."
Within 10 days, my sax rental contract was cleared, though the deposit and previous 4 weeks rental fee was collected, and the sax returned to the rental company.
Several years later, my grandparents allowed me to rummage up in their house attic, and that's when my Dad's old Sears Roebuck-ordered steel string parlor guitar was found. The guitar had languished for decades in both freezing cold and summer heat in a moldy old chipboard case. The guitar was bellied and the neck bowed, and I was able to eke out a poor rendition of "Secret Agent Man" as my first attempt at playing. As bad condition as the guitar was in, it was the impetus (read: motivation) that inspired me to begin my decades-old tone quest journey myself.
Some lessons along the way helped in the late '90's, and many an afternoon in the mid to late 1990's was spent glued to my CD player and stereo, copping licks and learning how to play at a level I was modestly happy with. Although my ear training was never note-for-note because of the limited CD player technology then, this was the next step towards playing as an accompanist. In time (past the year 2000 mark) I learned how to play as a rhythm guitarist to better players at local blues jams. My lead playing was, and is still a work in progress, and there are many stories I could tell, but will refrain from because they do not pertain to my growth as a guitarist.
As time wore on, from about 2006 until 2014, my Thursday evenings until 1:30 AM were part of the local open-mic jazz/blues jam in town. Ever aware of thinking that the best gear would produce the best tone, my spending habits followed suit and for several years I owned a string of Private Stocks that were bought and sold as my musical tastes changed over time.
Once the open-mic folded because of the host guitarist's retirement due to health reasons, my mindset was to simplify what I owned to match my skill level...my PS guitars and fancy boutique amps eventually were downsized as my finances required. My lavish lifestyle could not be supported on my meager income, and although my finances are modestly stable at this time, they will never be what they were in the 90's-00's.
I think the addiction we might all feel drawn into is, to buy the best gear you can possibly afford and employ that without reservation to make the best music possible. The reality is that if the cash cow dries up, so do your options for buying top-quality gear. Smarter and wiser now, I "make do" with 2 PRS S2 SC guitars, and one A60E.
You might ask, what held me back from selling everything and giving up? The answer comes from within: We all desire to make a good name for ourselves in any way we can, whether it be by doing good things for others, treating people decently, working hard at our jobs, putting up with the undesirable aspects of our lives. Sometimes we get frustrated at what the world dishes out and we don't GAF as much as we used to. In my mind, that IS giving up, and letting the bad guys win. My strong feeling is that we continue to endure whatever posturing or game-playing the world counters with, and realize that the world we view on TV and the internet is opinionated and presents its own spin of things. What we view as TV entertainment is fictional accounts designed to thrill us and make us laugh.
The addiction for me is not guitars, but trying to rid myself of my attachment to TV and falsehoods that are presented as facts, when indeed they are just someone else's own opinion, viewpoint or manner of storytelling. And perhaps that is what keeps us woefully hooked to TV and the internet: the thirst and hunger for knowledge, because we were given the gift of curiosity and wishing to know what we don't already know. Perhaps that is why mysteries are so popular these days. I personally tend to think of things as nothing more than giving someone a PBJ sandwich and a cup of coffee and letting them express their thanks for that.
If someone gives you something, you thank them, yes? Remind me to feed you folks virtual lunch more often with a cup of coffee, it'll keep you happier than my not feeding you.
