Warning: The previous owner may have played this guitar without washing his hands after using the toilet. The previous owner may have believed that nose oil, chicken fat, or something even more disgusting was a good fretboard conditioner. Call your doctor if you get a rash or shortness of breath when playing this guitar. If you have a peanut allergy, have the guitar checked for remnants of peanut oil. Do not play this guitar if you have a cat allergy or suffer from frequent infections. In some cases, the previous owner may have hung the guitar on a termite-infested wall, or handed the guitar to his nose-picking kids.
If you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours after playing this guitar, call your doctor and proceed to the nearest emergency room. And see a psychiatrist, because, lets’s face it, that ain’t right.
Serious side effects, including but not limited to blindness or death, may happen from overuse of this guitar.
Tell your doctor about any unusual medical conditions you have before taking the guitar to a gig. Your doctor may advise periodic liver tests if you buy this guitar. The plague fleas may have survived the fire. Some users have reported that the smoke smell will never leave the guitar.
