Musician Jokes-post yours

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Clashcityrocker, Mar 9, 2019.

  1. Clashcityrocker

    Clashcityrocker RedPilled

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    511
    What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
    Homeless....

    There was a guy who wanted to be in a band,
    First he tried guitar, couldn't figure out the 6 strings
    Then he tried bass, couldn't do the 4 strings
    Next he tried drums but couldn't handle the 2 drumsticks
    He finally ended up as singer because there is just one mic!
     
  2. dmatthews

    dmatthews Dave's not here...

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    5,333
    Likes Received:
    8,210
    A lady was recently arrested for beating her husband to death with his own guitar collection.
    At her initial appearance in court the judge leaned over, scowled at her and said "First offender?"

    She said no... first a Gibson, then a Fender.
     
    Black Plaid, WA Paul, bodia and 7 others like this.
  3. django49

    django49 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    622
    Likes Received:
    685
    Musician jokes?

    Justin Bieber.
    Nickleback.
     
    WA Paul, Bill SAS 513 and Wakester like this.
  4. Ovibos

    Ovibos Unsure why all necks aren't rosewood

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2015
    Messages:
    1,564
    Likes Received:
    2,312
    What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

    A drummer!
     
  5. goat-n-gitter

    goat-n-gitter Dismembered

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,313
    Likes Received:
    1,069
    How do you get the drummer off of your porch?


    Pay for the pizza.
     
    bodia, LSchefman, matt3310 and 4 others like this.
  6. Wakester

    Wakester Re Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2,120
    How do you keep a drummer in suspense?
     
    bodia likes this.
  7. 11top

    11top Cousin Eddie's cousin

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    6,842
    Likes Received:
    15,578
  8. 11top

    11top Cousin Eddie's cousin

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    6,842
    Likes Received:
    15,578
  9. Wakester

    Wakester Re Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2,120
    All my musician jokes lately tend to be flat.
     
    Black Plaid, WA Paul, bodia and 3 others like this.
  10. 11top

    11top Cousin Eddie's cousin

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    6,842
    Likes Received:
    15,578
  11. 11top

    11top Cousin Eddie's cousin

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    6,842
    Likes Received:
    15,578
  12. 11top

    11top Cousin Eddie's cousin

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2012
    Messages:
    6,842
    Likes Received:
    15,578
  13. Wakester

    Wakester Re Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2,120
  14. Wakester

    Wakester Re Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2,120
  15. Wakester

    Wakester Re Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2,120
  16. alantig

    alantig SSBMA

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    11,217
    A safari group is hiking through the jungle when they hear drums playing in the distance. After a few minutes, the drums stop and the native guides begin to murmur in a worried fashion. The men who organized the safari look at them in confusion. The drums resume, and things go back to normal. A few minutes later, the drums start again, and the natives get more fearful. The drums resume, normality returns until the drums stop again and the natives are in almost full-blown panic.

    The leader of the hunters grabs the leader of the guide and says, “Why do your people get so worked up when the drums stop?”

    The native says, “Oh, sir - when the drums stop, very bad.”

    The hunter says, “What’s so bad about when the drums stop.”

    The native says, “When the drums stop, bass solo next.”
     
    Black Plaid, WA Paul, bodia and 10 others like this.
  17. gush

    gush I'm not a new member!!!!

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2012
    Messages:
    4,451
    Likes Received:
    3,241
    How do you know when a drummer is at your door?

    The knocking speeds up and slows down and he never knows when to come in.
     
    bodia, 11top, Ovibos and 4 others like this.
  18. gush

    gush I'm not a new member!!!!

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2012
    Messages:
    4,451
    Likes Received:
    3,241
    How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

    Hand him sheet music.
     
    WA Paul, bodia, Ovibos and 5 others like this.
  19. Clashcityrocker

    Clashcityrocker RedPilled

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2016
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    511
    How did they get R. Kelly to surrender himself to authorities?



    They told him he would be staying at a female juvenile detention center.
     
    gush likes this.
  20. IKnowALittle

    IKnowALittle New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2014
    Messages:
    776
    Likes Received:
    564
    This made me LOL. Thx.
     
    bodia, LSchefman and Wakester like this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice