Oh I'm looking everyday, maybe something will come along?
Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Professor Les, and I'll be teaching this advanced seminar on Gear Acquisition Syndrome here at the University of Detroit School of Medicine And Sushi Restaurant. If you have difficulty understanding my accent, it is OK, I am from Berlin and have only been here for a few years, so please ask for me to repeat what you do not understand.
In Germany we call this "Ausrüstung-Anschaffung-Syndrom" which we pronounce, "Aaz", and we have studied it for quite a while, at least that is what we have been led to believe.
So.
We're going to begin by looking at a particularly virulent strain of the syndrome, one that we often refer to as the "Latent Stage" of GAS.
Typically, sufferers of this stage do not get the shakes, sweating, and inability to breathe symptomatic of "Active Stage" GAS sufferers encountering, for example, photographs of random equipment. Latent GAS sufferers will look around, somewhat content with what they have, and only have the latent form switch to the active form when an exceptional piece of gear, or what is called a "great deal" comes along.
However, these patients are not to be confused with the normal population, who are not on the prowl for more gear. This patient population is highly at risk for further GAS pains, and should be treated medically, with appropriate nerve medication, sedatives, and whatever is necessary to keep them as internet-free as possible to alleviate their latent symptoms.
Do we have questions at this point? I see someone in the back.
"Yes, Professor Les, if you have a new guitar and you're still on a honeymoon but have no active GAS, but you still like to look at guitars, simply for your own amusement, is that latent GAS?"
Good question. We in the field refer to that as "Temporary Remission," and it is difficult to predict whether it will develop latency, or the GAS will simply be cured. I will say that we have found very few individuals who were ever able to cure themselves of GAS, and most have latent GAS tendencies. Next question, the woman in front.
"Why do fewer women develop GAS, Professor?"
Because they have Shoe And Purse Acquisition Syndrome.
"Professor, are there any specific triggers for the syndrome that have been observed, in the way that, for example, we have known triggers for things such as migraines?"
Yes. Sometimes these triggers are visual. If the object is very shiny, or is made of a beautiful material, that seems to be a trigger. But often the trigger is a term. For example, we know that any reference to South American hardwoods can be a trigger, especially words like, "Brazilian." Also, in the realm of electronics, what are called "old school meters" can be triggers, and for guitarists, we have found that they are unable to resist gear that includes the term, "Tone" or -O-, as in "Tone-O-Plex," and of course there are other terms.
Well that's all we have time for today. See you on Monday. Please read the treatise on NAMM, called "NAMM: A Cynical GAS-Inducing Conspiracy By Manufacturers," for Monday's class.
PS - in answer to the OP I am in "Temporary Remission".
