11top
Cousin Eddie's cousin
And now, back to our regularly scheduled thread.
How about some humor?
- Thread starter 11top
- Start date
Tucson Thump
Mint Heavy Relic
This one is for Hans
alantig
Zombie Four, DFZ
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2012
- Messages
- 14,914
Alnus Rubra
Loving nature’s wonders
Add .jpg to the link.
Thank heavens it didn’t have the catch phrase:
“We’re gonna take you and clean you right up!”
11top
Cousin Eddie's cousin
I’m reading a really good book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.
I just can’t put it down.
11top
Cousin Eddie's cousin
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
Then it dawned on me.
QuiltTop319
New Member
- Joined
- May 24, 2013
- Messages
- 268
A student being home schooled called their mom from the bedroom, telling her they missed the bus and won't be in school today.
Last edited:
dmatthews
Dave's not here
jxe
babe en der wood
dmatthews
Dave's not here
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home !
OFFICER: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays .
OFFICER: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think Never really noticed.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember..
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2017, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 manufactured September 16th, with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
husband choking up
OFFICER : Take it easy sir. We'll find your truck.
OFFICER: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays .
OFFICER: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think Never really noticed.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember..
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2017, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 manufactured September 16th, with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
husband choking up
OFFICER : Take it easy sir. We'll find your truck.
dmatthews
Dave's not here
dmatthews
Dave's not here
dmatthews
Dave's not here
matonanjin
New Member
Home schooling is going fine. Well, except for a couple incidents.
One student got expelled for fighting.
One teacher got fired for drinking on the job.
dmatthews
Dave's not here
sergiodeblanc
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2012
- Messages
- 27,378
dmatthews
Dave's not here
Yeah, but free shipping!
Egads
One, Two, THIRTEEN!
I just put in an offer...
Wakester
Re Member
Sitting at the Bar in the kitchen last night, I tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake number, WTH!
CandidPicker
Tone Matters. Use It Well.
A nun is carrying a couple suitcases down the airport terminal concourse. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye she spots a fortune teller weight machine. She waddles over to the machine, steps up onto it, and puts in a nickel.
The machine whirrs a few seconds, then spits out a small piece of paper, which reads, "You're 5 feet, 3-inches, you weigh 152 lbs, and you're about to fart."
Bewildered, the nun bends over to pick up her suitcases. Sure enough...pbbbblllt.
The nun thinks to herself, "Incredible, let's try again."
She steps up, puts in a nickel....whirr...ding! "You're 5 feet, 3-inches, you still weigh 152 lbs, and you're about to be ravished."
"Oh, my!" thinks the nun. So the nun hurriedly gathers her suitcases and waddles further down the concourse.
Suddenly, a hand reaches out from a utility closet and pulls her in. There is some clatter, some excited cries, then, silence. The closet door opens. The suitcases are tossed out, one at a time. Pheeeeew. Thunk. Pheeeew. Thunk. Then the nun, unceremoniously, landing on her keister. Thunk.
Visibly perplexed and a bit upset, the nun dusts herself off, gathers her suitcases, waddles back over to the weight machine one last time. She steps up, puts in a nickel.
Whirr...ding! "You're still 5 feet 3, you still weigh 152 lbs. and between all your f'n and fartin' around, you just missed your plane."
The machine whirrs a few seconds, then spits out a small piece of paper, which reads, "You're 5 feet, 3-inches, you weigh 152 lbs, and you're about to fart."
Bewildered, the nun bends over to pick up her suitcases. Sure enough...pbbbblllt.
The nun thinks to herself, "Incredible, let's try again."
She steps up, puts in a nickel....whirr...ding! "You're 5 feet, 3-inches, you still weigh 152 lbs, and you're about to be ravished."
"Oh, my!" thinks the nun. So the nun hurriedly gathers her suitcases and waddles further down the concourse.
Suddenly, a hand reaches out from a utility closet and pulls her in. There is some clatter, some excited cries, then, silence. The closet door opens. The suitcases are tossed out, one at a time. Pheeeeew. Thunk. Pheeeew. Thunk. Then the nun, unceremoniously, landing on her keister. Thunk.
Visibly perplexed and a bit upset, the nun dusts herself off, gathers her suitcases, waddles back over to the weight machine one last time. She steps up, puts in a nickel.
Whirr...ding! "You're still 5 feet 3, you still weigh 152 lbs. and between all your f'n and fartin' around, you just missed your plane."
