How about some humor?

[11top]

 

[CandidPicker]

Yep. This was the precursor to a little "snip-snip" a couple weeks back...

 

[CandidPicker]

 

[Tucson Thump]

Actually true, but funny

https://happymag.tv/uranus-has-started-leaking-gas-nasa-scientists-confirm/

 

[CandidPicker]

Actually true, but funny

https://happymag.tv/uranus-has-started-leaking-gas-nasa-scientists-confirm/

Thanks for sharing. Gives new meaning to the word, "back-ordered."

 

[Alnus Rubra]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

[CandidPicker]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Yes. I'm positive you're a healthy male. That grin is a sure tell. And, no, I ain't touching your junk.

 

[alantig]

 

[Black Plaid]

This one works better spoken, but it's my favorite for some reason.

Man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but cellophane underwear.
The doctor takes one look at him, and says "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

 

[QuiltTop319]

Finally figured out why people are hoarding toilet paper: Every time someone sneezes, 25 people $hit their pants.

 

[Deleted member 5962]

Yes. I'm positive you're a healthy male. That grin is a sure tell. And, no, I ain't touching your junk.

Well this just took an unexpected turn. not that there's anything wrong with it.

 

[alantig]

Well this just took an unexpected turn. not that there's anything wrong with it.

Right down the crapper?

 

[bodia]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Ok, just for the record, Scotch through the nose burns like a b!tch. Thanks for that

 

[dmatthews]

Ok, just for the record, Scotch through the nose burns like a b!tch. Thanks for that

Good and neat vodka does the same.

 

[11top]

 

[Alan Manning]

I'm back on the Naughty Step. Our Fridge Freezer wen't to freezer heaven on thursday.
New one has just been delivered. I told the driver not to struggle " that's what the wife's for"
He found it funny anyway.!!!

 

[11top]

 

[Alnus Rubra]

Do you remember a few weeks ago when we used to cough to cover a fart?!

 

[11top]

Do you remember a few weeks ago when we used to cough to cover a fart?!

Not Markie.

 

[bodia]

I wonder what @alantig has to say.......