Hello, may I speak with (your horribly mispronounced name)?

[rugerpc]

It's dinner time.

So, of course, the phone rings.

"Hello. May I please speak with:
...the homeowner."
...the lady of the house?"
...the man of the house?"
...(your horribly mispronounced name)?"

Times like these call for a special kind of rudeness on your part. Perhaps something like:
"Does you mother know you spend your life annoying the crap out of strangers?"
or
"Can you give me your home number so I can call you back at 3am?"
or
"I'm going to need your Facebook screen name and password for verification before we continue..."
or better
"I'm going to need your bank account number and pin. I'm not allowed to speak with you unless you've paid."

Ideas?

 

[sergiodeblanc]

Eat later, ditch the landline, or answer while screaming: "There's so much blood! Everywhere!"

 

[thieves&foxes]

I generally waste their time, let them do their whole sales pitch, then tell them I am not interested.

 

[László]

I don't answer the phone.

 

[Texas_minor_blues]

Here is how I would respond: Thank you for calling! Can I speak to you about *Insert creepy religious affiliation here*
we would love to have you (if you can have the family in the background chanting "join usssss" that will really add authenticity to the call)
Now this is important, don't let them answer, just keep going with it, make it as awkward for them as possible till they hang up

 

[alantig]

 

[sergiodeblanc]

:rofl:

 

[rugerpc]

O
M
G

:rofl:

 

[Shawn@PRS]

Man, I ditched my land line over ten years ago!

 

[garrettb]

Outbound calling SUCKS. Trust me, nobody enjoys that job. A polite "no thanks" or "please remove me from your call list" is what they get from me if I actually answer the phone, which is rare unless I know the number. No need to make it worse for the poor schlub just trying to pay their bills.

 

[rugerpc]

Outbound calling SUCKS. Trust me, nobody enjoys that job. A polite "no thanks" or "please remove me from your call list" is what they get from me if I actually answer the phone, which is rare unless I know the number. No need to make it worse for the poor schlub just trying to pay their bills.

This is a fine sentiment except for one thing: the Federal Do Not Call List. All my land lines have been on this list since the beginning (years) and I regularly re-list them. That means I should be receiving ZERO unwanted calls. Any company who calls our number is breaking Federal Law.

The poor schlub you feel for works for a company that is flagrantly and repeatedly breaking the law. Kinda makes it hard for me to work up any sympathy for them.

We actually have one credit card company that calls at least 4 times a week. For years. We have hit the opt out button on the phone so much the number has worn off. They spoof their caller ID making it impossible to call them back and complain or even report them to the phone company or the Feds.

So, sorry, telemarketers will continue to get the royal sh!t sandwich when they call us...

YMMV