Have You Ever Been Betrayed?

[WishICouldPlay]

Life can be tough and people cruel.
It sucks and you do your best to get over it.
The conventional wisdom is that "time heals all wounds".
Bullsh1it.
It's like the Shakespearean bard and all around Philosopher Kenny Rogers said ... "Sometimes The Hurtin' Don't Heal".

 

[vchizzle]

Yes.
Time may not heal all wounds, but there is a time when you just need to say, screw it - I'm not going to allow this individual to affect me, my outlook or how I handle myself and my day to day business. While I consider myself a little more "glass half empty", I also believe people need to make a decision on what they're going to allow affect their well being...and time certainly makes that easier to cope with in many cases. It's good to figure out which coping mechanisms work best for you to help rid negativity of any type. Music happens to be that for me and probably many of us here.

Do you need to let it go? Not necessarily, but one needs to either let it go or let it be fuel to produce something positive from a negative situation.

 

[WishICouldPlay]

Yes.
Time may not heal all wounds, but there is a time when you just need to say, screw it - I'm not going to allow this individual to affect me, my outlook or how I handle myself and my day to day business. While I consider myself a little more "glass half empty", I also believe people need to make a decision on what they're going to allow affect their well being...and time certainly makes that easier to cope with in many cases. It's good to figure out which coping mechanisms work best for you to help rid negativity of any type. Music happens to be that for me and probably many of us here.

Do you need to let it go? Not necessarily, but one needs to either let it go or let it be fuel to produce something positive from a negative situation.

Yeah, I can't disagree but it's not always the entire story depending on your personality and moral compass.
When you post something like this, everyone will assume its a woman. Not so in my case.
Sometimes you get the soul ripped out of your being and there simply isn't any recovery. This isn't recent. Still struggle with it. I've let it affect me way too much.

 

[garrettb]

I've had a couple of friendships irreparably damaged. I've moved on, but once you cross certain lines things will never be what they used to be.

 

[cwhenke]

Yeah, I can't disagree but it's not always the entire story depending on your personality and moral compass.
When you post something like this, everyone will assume its a woman. Not so in my case.
Sometimes you get the soul ripped out of your being and there simply isn't any recovery. This isn't recent. Still struggle with it. I've let it affect me way too much.

I didn't assume it was a woman.

We all get hurt, but the point I think he was trying to make is that we dictate our response. I found your last sentence really telling...I've let it affect me way too much.

We can't change what has happened, and you are entitled to have emotional responses, but even you acknowledge that you determine whether it continues to bother you.

 

[jfb]

I try and not let others bother me, but little things can get to me in a big way. It's all about my headspace. I usually find I betray myself more than any outside force. Whether it's eating poorly, not playing enough guitar, not reaching out to friends and family often enough or a slew of other things I am the biggest risk to myself. I feel if I focus on me the influence others have on me seems small and fairly insignificant as a glass half full type of guy.

 

[frankb56]

Seek professional help...see a therapist. You might not find the right one at first, but keep trying.

 

[Shawn@PRS]

Don't let someone take up a lot of mental real estate if they're not paying rent.

 

[JMintzer]

Yeah, but not worth rehashing...


Jamie

 

[László]

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

-- Alexander Pope

And once you say you've forgiven it, mean it. Life goes much better that way.

--LSchefman

 

[]-[@n$0Ma☩!©]

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

-- Alexander Pope

Easier posted than done. Still... forgiving real betrayal has been one of the best things I've ever had to do.

 

[László]

Easier posted than done.

Yes.

But I'm not simply throwing an opinion out there without the experience to back it up.

 

[]-[@n$0Ma☩!©]

But I'm not simply throwing an opinion out there without the experience to back it up.

That's a given. You attended High School.

 

[sergiodeblanc]

Yeah, but I'm over it... except when I'm not.

 

[László]

That's a given. You attended High School.

Never was betrayed in high school, actually. I probably should have gone to class more often.

 

[vchizzle]

I didn't assume it was a woman.

We all get hurt, but the point I think he was trying to make is that we dictate our response. I found your last sentence really telling...I've let it affect me way too much.

We can't change what has happened, and you are entitled to have emotional responses, but even you acknowledge that you determine whether it continues to bother you.

Right.

Yeah, I can't disagree but it's not always the entire story depending on your personality and moral compass.
When you post something like this, everyone will assume its a woman. Not so in my case.
Sometimes you get the soul ripped out of your being and there simply isn't any recovery. This isn't recent. Still struggle with it. I've let it affect me way too much.

I didn't assume that, it doesn't really make a difference, man or woman.
The fact you realize the struggle and the affect, and seemingly want some sort of help or relief from the situation is good. Recovery? I think it's amazing what people can recover from. I believe there is always some amount of recovery that can be had, you can't change the past - you can only choose how to handle the adversity and how it affects and shapes your future. Getting help with these types of things is always a good idea.

 

[solacematt]

I was betrayed by people whom I knew for over 15 years. It wasn't just a personal level, but a musical level that hurt me as well. I was in a band with these guys that I helped start for three years. Since it was coming to holiday season myself and the bassist took a break since our respective jobs were busy for that time of season. They decided to have a friend fill in on my position in the band for a show during that holiday season, which was fine. I found out months later however that those guys went and tarnished my name by saying they replaced me because I was a drug addict. Completely false, and shocking since I don't even drink. At shows I would actually use my free drink at the bar tokens for orange juice, haha. I ended up finding this out though when my girlfriend and I went grocery shopping one evening and ran into someone who came to shows who told me this. Talk about a shocker. Awesome people. Incredible how some people can be so horrible and be stuck in such a high school mentality.
Does the hurt go away? Maybe it will eventually, but as for right now, it bugs me greatly that 'friends' would do that.

 

[Daniel]

Two times that had a major affect on me. One taught me how to be a good parent, or at least not to do some things that make you a bad one. The other, I still don't understand WTF happened so it's hard to learn from it.

 

[WishICouldPlay]

Easier posted than done. Still... forgiving real betrayal has been one of the best things I've ever had to do.

Yes, much easier said than done. I've experienced all the little betrayals that we all have, they can be easy to forgive and forget or not.
I guess if you listen to that assh0le, Dr. Phil, it's a choice.
But in real life it isn't always that simple.
When you've struggled with Clinical Depression for as long as you can remember, when you get the soul sucked out of your very being it's difficult to rebound, somtimes impossible.
Anyway, keep on truckin'.

 

[Serious Poo]

Betrayal, lies and loss are all part of the human experience, just like trust, love and respect. Learn from the experience, but don't dwell on it, that can be a real waste of life.

Consider asking yourself a couple of simple questions.

1. Do I have control over the outcome?
2. Can I influence the outcome?
3. Can I raise my level of awareness about why the outcome happened?

Something is either in your power to control or influence or it's not. If it is, do everything you can do. If it's not, my suggestion is to just let it go. Really. Anything else is just a waste. If the experience really hurt you, then maybe learn about what caused it, how you might he able to prevent it in the future, what signs to look for, and how you might have been partially responsible creating the environment that allowed it to happen (that last one is a real eye opener, by the way).

Just my $0.02, I walked that road for a very long time once.