Getting replaced sucks

[DanWessonValor]

That Is Exactly Why You Need To. If He Isn't Called Out For His Antics He Will Become More And More Bold Over Time And Continue In His Ways. If Unchecked, There Is No Telling What Could Happen In Future Situations. I Have Seen Things Like This Cause People To Completely Walk Away From God And All Kinds Of Things. None Of Them Good. Communication Kills Assumption And A Talk Definitely Needs To Be Had IMO. I Know The High Road, At Times, Can Be Turning The Other Cheek And Walking Away...But Sometimes You Need To Overturn Some Tables As Well. From My Vantage Point, This Is One Of Those Times. This Appears To Be A Glorified Clique' And There Is Likely Little (If Any) Anointing In That And The People Missing Out And Likely Unaware Are The Church Goers. This Is A Leadership Issue And It Sounds Like There Are A Bunch Of Weak Leaders In The Mix.

I see your point. I have spoken to one of the senior members who did apologize to me. He did make a point that this should not have gone the way it did and he apologized as one of the leaders. I hope he puts his foot down when the worship pastor decides to go rogue again. But it appears more and more people are coming out and speaking out. A couple who is on the team came to me and said what happened was just ridiculous. Another couple just sat out yesterday in protest. I have not gossiped or talked to anyone at church regarding this incident so EXCEPT the senior member of the team. I hope it doesn't get out of hand but I do hope the worship pastor realizes that he disrespected me like no one ever did and should not act in such a way again.

I Agree with Bogner on this. A good conversation is in order. There is no way this should go unchecked. And if someone in a leadership position knows enough to apologise, there is no way he or she is not complicit by omission if he or she does not act on it.

I do not know you, so there is no way for me to get the whole picture, but no matter what is in this bigger picture, it is something that should be adressed for the benefit of your church. And of your worhip team. And probably for you too

It's too bad that the one reaponsible, the worship pastor, is just trying to dodge a conversation. I told him that we should chat in private face to face at some point.

 

[walrus]

My only thought is that this is the opposite of how one should be treated in a church - any church...

But as I don't attend any church, I'm certainly no expert.

 

[sergiodeblanc]

I’d burn that place down.

But then again I’m black metal.

 

[DanWessonValor]

My only thought is that this is the opposite of how one should be treated in a church - any church...

But as I don't attend any church, I'm certainly no expert.

My dad was a pastor (now retired) and I have met and still meet the most evil people at church. I would see people driving like complete maniacs only to see them pull into our church parking lot. I just think how worse they'd be if they didn't go to church.

 

[bodia]

I’d burn that place down.

But then again I’m black metal.

Word! I’m with ya!

 

[Bogner]

I see your point. I have spoken to one of the senior members who did apologize to me. He did make a point that this should not have gone the way it did and he apologized as one of the leaders. I hope he puts his foot down when the worship pastor decides to go rogue again. But it appears more and more people are coming out and speaking out. A couple who is on the team came to me and said what happened was just ridiculous. Another couple just sat out yesterday in protest. I have not gossiped or talked to anyone at church regarding this incident so EXCEPT the senior member of the team. I hope it doesn't get out of hand but I do hope the worship pastor realizes that he disrespected me like no one ever did and should not act in such a way again.

It's too bad that the one reaponsible, the worship pastor, is just trying to dodge a conversation. I told him that we should chat in private face to face at some point.

Take It To The Top. Everything Starts From There And Works Downward. Not Making That Your Next Move Is A Waste Of Time For Everybody Because There Is Already Too Much Shadow Work Going On. That Is How This Whole Mess Came To Be Anyway. Quickly Shine A Light On It From The Top Down And See What Leadership Does. My $,02

 

[frankencat]

The thing about churches is that they are full of people.

Seriously though, people make mistakes and do stupid stuff all the time. I have been Worship Director at two churches and I am 100% positive that I didn’t always make the right decisions, but I did my best at the time. Go and talk to the leader and remember, he is not God or Jesus or whatever, he’s just a guy who makes mistakes sometimes. Tell him what happened and how it made you feel. You may be surprised to learn that he is not even aware of the drama that you are experiencing, and by talking with him, it puts both of you in a better place to resolve and go forward. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you think it should, give him the chance and have the conversation. In then end you will both be better for it.

 

[Prs Mods too]

Where's the emoji with the zipper on it's mouth...

 

[dmatthews]

I do not subscribe to people or places that treat me this way.

 

[11top]

WWJD?

 

[WingerRules]

Edit: Did I quit or get kicked out? If someone is brought into my position and no one says what my future role will be then that's a clear indication that they do not want me. When asked what my future role would be, the worship pastor dodged the question but another person thanked me for "filling in" at the electric guitar position but still made no mention of what my future role would be. So if they eliminated my position, what's the point of staying?

IMO... you weren't "replaced" or "pushed out" of anything. Adding more instruments doesn't mean you've been replaced. Not being unsympathetic but nobody did anything to tell you that you were being replaced. A random person thanking you for filling in is completely irrelevant as that person is only reacting to what they see.

And, the worship pastor not giving you a directive of what your future role would be, could indicate again that it was the same as it was now. Or, that he needed to try it for a while and see. Just play electric guitar. There is not only no rule about not having more than one, but I swear I watched a video someone put up here recently with praise and worship team that had at least 3 electric guitars. Maybe he wanted to hear it for a while and then make suggestions on how to do things differently from each other, such as play different versions of chords, or one strum, one play arpeggios, or making your tones varied, or any of the other million ways multiple guitar players can fit in a band.

Sorry man... I think you messed up. If they wanted you out, I would have MADE THEM say so. THEN, they would have done something wrong. But you basically asked them and they didn't say so. When you quit without any indication that they wanted you out, it's only reactionary speculation. I'm sorry you feel they way you do, but from what you said, you're only out because you chose to be out.

 

[Lola]

Some ppl can use logic to think with 100 % of the time. I truly wish I could be like that but emotions cloud my judgement.

 

[WingerRules]

Some ppl can use logic to think with 100 % of the time. I truly wish I could be like that but emotions cloud my judgement.

To be fair, it's easy when talking about others. When it's you, then their are always emotions, and other things that cloud our judgement. That's why people who need help with serious things should get help. Even if it's not an expert, just an outsider who is not vested in the situation, can at least give a clear unbiased response. But when it's you, that's tough to do from the inside.

 

[RC Mike]

Dan, if being in the band is important to you, you may still have options. It sounds like you weren’t kicked out or replaced, but that you felt like you were being replaced. If you can set aside your ego and accept the very normal idea that a band can have multiple guitarists, you may be able to walk some things back and continue to participate.

 

[DanWessonValor]

Dan, if being in the band is important to you, you may still have options. It sounds like you weren’t kicked out or replaced, but that you felt like you were being replaced. If you can set aside your ego and accept the very normal idea that a band can have multiple guitarists, you may be able to walk some things back and continue to participate.

Interesting that you bring this up. There is no room for another guitarist as they clearly stated. It's been barely two weeks since I stepped down but I have been approached by folks from different departments of the church to play. Looks like I will go back to what I've been doing for a long time which is to lead worship services. So maybe there was a reason that this happened.

 

[DanWessonValor]

IMO... you weren't "replaced" or "pushed out" of anything. Adding more instruments doesn't mean you've been replaced. Not being unsympathetic but nobody did anything to tell you that you were being replaced. A random person thanking you for filling in is completely irrelevant as that person is only reacting to what they see.

And, the worship pastor not giving you a directive of what your future role would be, could indicate again that it was the same as it was now. Or, that he needed to try it for a while and see. Just play electric guitar. There is not only no rule about not having more than one, but I swear I watched a video someone put up here recently with praise and worship team that had at least 3 electric guitars. Maybe he wanted to hear it for a while and then make suggestions on how to do things differently from each other, such as play different versions of chords, or one strum, one play arpeggios, or making your tones varied, or any of the other million ways multiple guitar players can fit in a band.

Sorry man... I think you messed up. If they wanted you out, I would have MADE THEM say so. THEN, they would have done something wrong. But you basically asked them and they didn't say so. When you quit without any indication that they wanted you out, it's only reactionary speculation. I'm sorry you feel they way you do, but from what you said, you're only out because you chose to be out.

Thanks for chiming in. Yes, a normal band would have allowed for a rhythym and a lead guitarist but they made it clear that they will only have one electric guitarist. Hope you can see it from my point of view. It's a stupid example but if I had a girlfriend but take a different girl to the prom or start seeing her, what message am I sending to my girlfriend? To go even farther, what if I kept saying I really want to date Jennifer while I'm dating my girlfriend? Sorry for the dumb example but this is what happened. I stepped down because there was no longer a spot for me in the band.

 

[WingerRules]

Thanks for chiming in. Yes, a normal band would have allowed for a rhythym and a lead guitarist but they made it clear that they will only have one electric guitarist.

Ok, you didn't say this the first time (that I saw). But even if they said they only had room for one electric guitar player, you messed up by quitting. If that's what they really wanted, you should have forced their hand and made THEM do it. If there was a change of mind, you'll never know now because you quit before them even having a trial period.

Again, not busting on you, just can't feel like you were kicked out when you quit. If you're right, they won because they didn't even have to be the bad guy. And, now you're out of your own accord so they aren't on the hook for anything. That's why I feel you made a bad choice. If you really want to be in, I'd go back the worship lead and tell him you quit because you thought they were trying to run you out. Since they didn't say they were, the only thing you have to stand on is that they said they would only have one, then added a second. If he tells you you can get back in, then you'll know you were wrong and can play again. And if he says you can't get back in, then you'll know that you were right, but then you'll really know you messed up by doing the dirty work for them.

 

[Gtrbldr]

Lets not get hung up on semantics about fired, replaced or quit, because it does not really matter. The space in the band was altered, and by introducing a new element, without discussion or consent; it is a power move. An unholy, weird thing to do in a worship team. Even if someone else was "better" that is not acceptable, also in a church setting. You discuss these kind lf things, unless you are not up to the task. I did not get that vibe from you.

However it might open up other places where you can serve and are needed. Actually: the "grown up" service is music wise a lot less fun than our youth community service or kids gatherings ;-).

 

[Bogner]

Lets not get hung up on semantics about fired, replaced or quit, because it does not really matter. The space in the band was altered, and by introducing a new element, without discussion or consent; it is a power move. An unholy, weird thing to do in a worship team. Even if someone else was "better" that is not acceptable, also in a church setting. You discuss these kind lf things, unless you are not up to the task. I did not get that vibe from you.

However it might open up other places where you can serve and are needed. Actually: the "grown up" service is music wise a lot less fun than our youth community service or kids gatherings ;-).

This!

 

[theDeepender]

Interesting that you bring this up. There is no room for another guitarist as they clearly stated. It's been barely two weeks since I stepped down but I have been approached by folks from different departments of the church to play. Looks like I will go back to what I've been doing for a long time which is to lead worship services. So maybe there was a reason that this happened.

Indeed.