Getting replaced sucks

DanWessonValor

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If you followed my last post, I was having some struggles in a mega church band. I'm not here to vent but to just share my experience and to learn to deal with the situation at hand better. So like the title says, I got replaced "quitely" and was made to leave with a lot of shame. So I had moved from acoustic to electric guitar because our sound engineer believed acoustic guitars have no place in modern music. I played electric guitar for about a year but the worship pastor kept saying he wanted to bring John Doe into his band because they had a close relationship. I felt quite disrepected but just kept on showing up for my gig. Then all of sudden, the band leader announced that they had finally gotten John Doe to join the band. No one sat me down to tell me and no one told me what my future role would be. Maybe they thought I would leave without telling me to leave. I informed the band leader that I would no longer be "serving" in the band. He acted surprised and asked, "Why?! What happened?" I don't know if he is playing dumb or really is dumb. A few folks from the band reached out to me separately and said the situation was handled horribly.

So you could be asking was I good and did I have issues that warranted the band leader "silently" replacing me. I showed up to practice and was prompt. I was not a drama queen and even in this situation, I just left quitely. Is the new guy that good? I would say I would pick him over me but the talent level difference is not huge. I had two weeks to listen to him and he's fine but heard a lot of mistakes. My take is that I got pushed aside "silently" so that the band leader can have his buddy or friend be on the band while disrespecting the heck out me in the process. So, I am trying to just move on but this was such a dick move from my point of view.

Update: A member from the leadership position has made a sincere apology (NOT THE WORSHIP PASTOR) for allowing this to happen and not being able to stop it under his watch.

Edit: Did I quit or get kicked out? If someone is brought into my position and no one says what my future role will be then that's a clear indication that they do not want me. When asked what my future role would be, the worship pastor dodged the question but another person thanked me for "filling in" at the electric guitar position but still made no mention of what my future role would be. So if they eliminated my position, what's the point of staying?
 
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Unpleasant to the max and completely unacceptable. Sorry to hear this struggle and in holland we have a name for what I feel when I read this. "Plaatsvervangende schaamte", roughly translates to feeling the shame of the situation and what the offensife party should feel.
Church music politics are complicated, and the fact that other bandmembers reach out to you in private tells something about how things are.

Leaves me wondering: how many bands does your church have? Sounds like you have a few bands that operate autonomically? Seems like a weird construction to me. In our church that is managed centrally and band leaders are only operational leaders. He or she has nothing to say about who serves in the band, if that person is part of the worship team in church. Only in case of a conflict or disfunction you could see a replacement, but that is always an escalation to senior management. Results in other kind of discussions, so no silver bullet, but prevents this kind of nepotism.

Edit: typo
 
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If you followed my last post, I was having some struggles in a mega church band. I'm not here to vent but to just share my experience and to learn to deal with the situation at hand better. So like the title says, I got replaced "quitely" and was made to leave with a lot of shame. So I had moved from acoustic to electric guitar because our sound engineer believed acoustic guitars have no place in modern music. I played electric guitar for about a year but the worship pastor kept saying he wanted to bring John Doe into his band because they had a close relationship. I felt quite disrepected but just kept on showing up for my gig. Then all of sudden, the band leader announced that they had finally gotten John Doe to join the band. No one sat me down to tell me and no one told me what my future role would be. Maybe they thought I would leave without telling me to leave. I informed the band leader that I would no longer be "serving" in the band. He acted surprised and asked, "Why?! What happened?" I don't know if he is playing dumb or really is dumb. A few folks from the band reached out to me separately and said the situation was handled horribly.

So you could be asking was I good and did I have issues that warranted the band leader "silently" replacing me. I showed up to practice and was prompt. I was not a drama queen and even in this situation, I just left quitely. Is the new guy that good? I would say I would pick him over me but the talent level difference is not huge. I had two weeks to listen to him and he's fine but heard a lot of mistakes. My take is that I got pushed aside "silently" so that the band leader can have his buddy or friend be on the band while disrepecting the heck out me in the process. So, I am trying to just move on but this was such a dick move from my point of view.
As someone who is recognizing that same thing in my situation beginning to occur, I’d have to agree. In my mind, an honest private discussion (which no doubt would lead to me raising my voice) would show a modicum of respect, even if the end result would be the same.
 
Unpleasant to the max and completely unacceptable. Sorry to hear this struggle and in holland we have a name for what I feel when I read this. "Plaatsvervangende schaamte", roughly translates to feeling the shame of the situation and what the offensife party should feel.
Church music politics are complicated, and the fact that other bandmembers reach out to you in private tells something about how things are.

Leaves me wondering: how many bands does your church have? Sounds like you have a few bands that operate autonomically? Seems like a weird construction to me. In our church that is managed centrally and band leaders are only operational leaders. He or she has nothing to say about who serves in the band, if that person is part of the worship team in church. Only in case of a conflict or disfunction you could see a replacement, but that is always an escalation to senior management. Results in other kind of discussions, so no silver bullet, but prevents this kind of nepotism.

Edit: typo
There are lots of bands in our church and they all operate separately. This just happened to be the band for the main adult service. I think no one will get in trouble as long as the worship pastor kicks out good "performances." Seems like he will continue to do stuff like this until a real pastor or an elder notice this kind of behavior. I don't want to say anything to the worship pastor cus it will not end well.
 
As someone who is recognizing that same thing in my situation beginning to occur, I’d have to agree. In my mind, an honest private discussion (which no doubt would lead to me raising my voice) would show a modicum of respect, even if the end result would be the same.
Yeah, I agree. Before I left or gave my notice, I did say when everyone was present what my future role was going to be. The worship pastor remained silent. I left and when he asked why, I told him that we can chat privately...but he has yet to set up that meeting and I don't he even will.
 
Just so I understand: They added another guitarist to the band. This upset you. You quit. Is that correct? That’s not getting kicked out or replaced.
Partly correct. They replaced me without a doubt. So they gave me the silent treatment so I made the decision to quit BECAUSE my position had been eliminated. I did ask what my future role would be to which they said, "Thank you so much for filling in as our electric guitarist. We appreciate it." So did I misread them?
 
Partly correct. They replaced me without a doubt. So they gave me the silent treatment so I made the decision to quit BECAUSE my position had been eliminated. I did ask what my future role would be to which they said, "Thank you so much for filling in as our electric guitarist. We appreciate it." So did I misread them?

I don’t know what to think, other than that it’s a different story from what you first posted. Sorry that you’re experiencing this. My suggestion would be to spend some time reflecting on what happened, why, and your part in it. Growth can come out of all of this.
 
I remember getting kicked out of my first band. I was devastated so much that I sat on the curb in front of studio and cried. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. It can be heartbreaking.

I don’t think that this was handled in a very fair manner. Your preacher doesn’t even have the balls to stand up and tell you the truth. And he is supposed to be doing God’s work?

I would go and talk with this man and see what can be resolved or his reasoning behind his decisions.

Do it now. Strike while the iron is hot.
 
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I remember getting kicked out of my first band. I was devastated so much that I sat on the curb in front of studio and cried. I so sorry that you are experiencing this. It can be heartbreaking.

I don’t think that this was handled in a very fair manner. Your preacher doesn’t even have the balls to stand up and tell you the truth. And he is supposed to be doing God’s work?

I would go and talk with this man and see what can be resolved or his reasoning behind his decisions.

Do it now. Strike while the iron is hot.
I like it. I think this kinda conversation can be had without anyone raising their voices. I just say how I felt wronged and try to hear it from his point of view.

EDIT: A person from leadership position has reached out to me and sincerely apologized to me for allowing this to happen under his watch.
 
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I don't want to say anything to the worship pastor cus it will not end well.
That Is Exactly Why You Need To. If He Isn't Called Out For His Antics He Will Become More And More Bold Over Time And Continue In His Ways. If Unchecked, There Is No Telling What Could Happen In Future Situations. I Have Seen Things Like This Cause People To Completely Walk Away From God And All Kinds Of Things. None Of Them Good. Communication Kills Assumption And A Talk Definitely Needs To Be Had IMO. I Know The High Road, At Times, Can Be Turning The Other Cheek And Walking Away...But Sometimes You Need To Overturn Some Tables As Well. From My Vantage Point, This Is One Of Those Times. This Appears To Be A Glorified Clique' And There Is Likely Little (If Any) Anointing In That And The People Missing Out And Likely Unaware Are The Church Goers. This Is A Leadership Issue And It Sounds Like There Are A Bunch Of Weak Leaders In The Mix.
 
The apology was genuine but I don't think there will be a followup.
I Agree with Bogner on this. A good conversation is in order. There is no way this should go unchecked. And if someone in a leadership position knows enough to apologise, there is no way he or she is not complicit by omission if he or she does not act on it.

I do not know you, so there is no way for me to get the whole picture, but no matter what is in this bigger picture, it is something that should be adressed for the benefit of your church. And of your worhip team. And probably for you too
 
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