Hey OP, I have to admit, you almost lost me about 12 times in the first paragraph, but I toughed it out and read all the way through. After reading it, one thing comes to mind: Do you predominantly watch "Reality TV"shows?
Have you ever:
1- Had months of happiness or sadness decided by the season finale' of The Bachelor?
2- Cried during an episode of Real Housewives?
3- Want to give your toothbrush to someone on Survivor?
or worst of all..,
4- Felt bad for a Kardashian?
Asking for a friend (who is not a dentist, but wishes he were).