Dear Bodia ..

Yeah, just the regular ol’ wraptail that they come with. Can’t improve upon perfection.

I was really, really, really skinny when it happened too, so I have no idea how it happened.

Yeah I think it’s a great bridge. You know what it’s like, those brass inserts on the Paul’s bridge keep making think!

Ouch! That must have stung like a b!tch!
 
Dear Bodia,

PfennRock, Markie, and I were on our way to NAMM before we got late-breaking news that it was canceled (#$%^ COVID). Needless to say, we had to turn-around and head back unexpectedly. Frustratingly, our return flight also got canceled but we lucked into a 3-room 'Executive Suite' at a nearby hotel (name of the hotel deliberately withheld to avoid hearing from their PRS-loving lawyers). The clerk at the front desk told us the suite was $300 so we each tossed a Ben Franklin (he was never a US President, you know) on the counter and followed the bell-hop into the glass-walled elevator (wearing masks, of course). If you ever watch Cheech and Chong's 1981 classic 'Nice Dreams', you'll never get in a glass elevator again without a giggle.

About 20 minutes after kicking-off our shoes and turning on the big-screen, the bell-hop knocks on the door. The Hotel Manager told him that the desk clerk over-charged us. He handed us three $10 bills (that's Alexander Hamilton, in case you're wondering) and split. We spent the rest of that evening watching debate reruns, complaining about the government, and comparing health problems. We're old. It's what we do.

The next morning, I grabbed the bill left under the door, stuffed it into my backpack, and we hauled-ass to catch our flight. Somewhere between John Wayne Airport and Indianapolis, between the bag of shitty pretzels and the over-priced Bloody Mary, I decide to look at the hotel bill. It says we paid $250 for the suite. Not $300. Not $270. $250.

[Needle scratches off the record in my brain]

At this point I start doing math in my head - which is never good. Markie, PfennRock, and I have each paid $90 for the room - $270 total. Why does the bill show $250? Needless to say, I was irritated. As mentioned earlier, I'm old.

When we landed in Indy, I called the hotel to find out what was going on. Would you believe the hotel CEO was on-site that day and was answering phone calls? Couldn't believe it. I admit that I dialed-back my pissed-off mood just a hair. Its not every day you get to complain to the CEO of a major hotel chain. Turns out he's old too. We hit it off immediately. He took my cell number and promised to get it figured-out and personally call me back. True to his word, my cell phone rang before we arrived in York Town. The man himself was on the other line.

The desk clerk (who no longer works there) didn't want the hassle of splitting $50 cash (Ulysses Grant) three ways so he gave the bell-hop three $10 bills to return to us but never mentioned it should have been $50. Then that thieving-bastard stuffed the extra $20 (yes, Andrew Jackson) in his pocket. The CEO apologized profusely and gave each of us not one... not two... but three (yes, three) vouchers for Executive Suites. To be clear, that's three vouchers for each of us! And it gets better... the vouchers (only available from him, bearing his hand-written signature) are good for any of his hotels or partners with no expiration date.

Before he said good bye, he dropped an interesting detail on me. He humbly confessed that there was still some money missing. We each paid $100 ($300 for the room). We were refunded $10 each (now only paid $270 for the room). The thieving bastard kept $20 ($270 + $20 is only $290). So the $300 we originally paid minus $290 that was accounted for leaves $10. Can you help us figure out where it went?

Sincerely,

Old-n-Cranky
 
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