An epiphany.....

[JasonE]

I keep on asking myself why am I doing this? Why do I keep on doing this? My husband thinks I am nuts. He says you do everything for this band and all they do is give you grief. He can see it when I come home from rehearsal. My body language, facial expressions and my mood isn’t the greatest.

It doesn't sound like this is going anywhere good. I hate to say that but the situations I have been in that are similar have never worked out no matter how hard I have tried to make them work out. I have learned to cut the losses and save the stress. It would either be her or me at this point. If they choose to stay with her, they will very quickly find out how much you were doing and realize that this is too much work.

 

[László]

I keep on asking myself why am I doing this? Why do I keep on doing this? My husband thinks I am nuts. He says you do everything for this band and all they do is give you grief. He can see it when I come home from rehearsal. My body language, facial expressions and my mood isn’t the greatest.

It's interesting that you mention busking - playing alone - as a joyful experience, and the band as kind of a pain. Maybe you prefer to chart your own course.

I've enjoyed bands, but have also worked alone in the studio doing my composing and production work for many years, bringing in side-people as I need them to finish a track. Sometimes that's singers, drummers and additional guitar players; sometimes it's just me laying down MIDI tracks and throwing on some guitar work.

Not that I have answers for anyone else, of course. We all find our own way.

Have you ever tried playing and recording all of the parts yourself? There's a learning curve of course, but it's interesting. From there, one often moves into songwriting, if there's interest and ability, since one isn't tied to "Do the rest of you want to play this?" Etc. If you're a perfectionist (I am) you can make the other players as perfect as you can possibly imagine, and then overdub your parts to your heart's content, as many takes as you feel like until it's right.

Many times, I'll write a tune, do a drum part via MIDI, and then call in a drummer to overdub. Or a singer. Etc. Ya wouldn't believe the guitar players I've been lucky enough to work with, or the drummers. The great players are happy to do session work.

I love working with bands, but even more I love the control I have working this way. YMMV.

 

[dogrocketp]

Any time you have more than three people, somebody’s bound to try to rock the apple cart. Our keyboard player keeps talking smack about the bass player. The bass player is the biggest reason I play in the band I play in. Let someone else run the show if you can grasp the concept. I sold the PA, dumped the business cards, keep my mouth shut, and play each gig like it’s my last. I’m there to enjoy the ride, but I don’t have to be the one steering.

 

[aphantomvaper]

That's a tough nut to twist. Ill never give up playing live it's just too much fun! Never made any money or accolades which to me means I'm still on the right track, maintaining originality.

These feeling come and go Kevin. Sometimes these are the moments when music takes hold and shows you your path, even if you don't agree initially.

Play with recording like Les said. That's a hella fun time! It will give time to work stuff out and maintain some connection to your immense creativity. Just don't sell the Vela!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lola]

Any time you have more than three people, somebody’s bound to try to rock the apple cart. Our keyboard player keeps talking smack about the bass player. The bass player is the biggest reason I play in the band I play in. Let someone else run the show if you can grasp the concept. I sold the PA, dumped the business cards, keep my mouth shut, and play each gig like it’s my last. I’m there to enjoy the ride, but I don’t have to be the one steering.

I think it’s my perfectionist attitude that doesn’t help me sometimes. I guess maybe that to control the band in the way I see it be isn’t everyone’s vision I realize. At the very beginning of getting together I said my mission is to be able to play at bars, private parties etc. They were all excited about those prospects and agreed. We have been together for about year or more.

When we practice songs it’s not how I practice at home. I pick things a part, slow tempo, see exactly what part of the riff or solo is not being accomplished the way I want. We don’t do that at rehearsal. We play a part over or two and then off to the next song. NO dammit.

For example there a few complex solos(for me) that I practiced for an hour alone every night after work regardless the time. After months of practice on this I was so proud to say mission accomplished. So I asked the other guitar player if we could just go over this part of the song to get it really tight between us and this has not happened once yet. I put in blood sweat and tears into practicing this. I am a little angry.

And my singer announces at the very last moment oh ya I am going to France for a week or I am going here or there but she is always borrowing money to pay her share has of the studio. She just throws a wrench into the works and we have to work around her schedule. Not fair!

I know that if I leave they will stay together. What bugs me the most is I have played with the bass player and other guitar player for about 4 years. I really hate to lose these fine musicians. The other guitar player is becoming quite the slide player. We do have a few songs with slide and he sounds incredible.

Another long haul in the making. I really hate when subjectivity comes into play. I need to become objective but at times it can be difficult. I am an emotional person and think with my heart rather then my head.

I pour my heart and soul into every band that I have been in or have formed myself. I just want this so badly. This is top priority on my bucket list.

I do love busking because I can be my own boss but I also love playing with others in a band situation. How long do you keep on hitting your head on the wall? Maybe with me forever. Idk

 

[László]

I think it’s my perfectionist attitude that doesn’t help me sometimes. I guess maybe that to control the band in the way I see it be isn’t everyone’s vision I realize. At the very beginning of getting together I said my mission is to be able to play at bars, private parties etc. They were all excited about those prospects and agreed. We have been together for about year or more.

When we practice songs it’s not how I practice at home. I pick things a part, slow tempo, see exactly what part of the riff or solo is not being accomplished the way I want. We don’t do that at rehearsal. We play a part over or two and then off to the next song. NO dammit.

For example there a few complex solos(for me) that I practiced for an hour alone every night after work regardless the time. After months of practice on this I was so proud to say mission accomplished. So I asked the other guitar player if we could just go over this part of the song to get it really tight between us and this has not happened once yet. I put in blood sweat and tears into practicing this. I am a little angry.

And my singer announces at the very last moment oh ya I am going to France for a week or I am going here or there but she is always borrowing money to pay her share has of the studio. She just throws a wrench into the works and we have to work around her schedule. Not fair!

I know that if I leave they will stay together. What bugs me the most is I have played with the bass player and other guitar player for about 4 years. I really hate to lose these fine musicians. The other guitar player is becoming quite the slide player. We do have a few songs with slide and he sounds incredible.

Another long haul in the making. I really hate when subjectivity comes into play. I need to become objective but at times it can be difficult. I am an emotional person and think with my heart rather then my head.

I pour my heart and soul into every band that I have been in or have formed myself. I just want this so badly. This is top priority on my bucket list.

I do love busking because I can be my own boss but I also love playing with others in a band situation. How long do you keep on hitting your head on the wall? Maybe with me forever. Idk

I share your thing about rehearsals, and really digging into, and perfecting, a song for performance. I've always felt this way. It's hard to get semi-pros to cooperate. People often have other priorities.

I contrast this with a recent show in Chicago where my son was asked to fly in and perform with a well known band at Riot Fest. He was very familiar with their songs (his band toured with them, and he produced some of their songs); the band had performed them for years, but hadn't played live for a while.

He flew into Chicago at least a week early, and they rehearsed a 45 minute set every day for ten hours a day before the show. That's a lot of work for one set. But that's how the pros do it, and it's the right way to prepare.

Incidentally, the performance was incredibly good, and 20,000 people were rocking out, singing along to the lyrics, etc. I loved the concert (I went with my niece and her daughter, my son-in-law and my grandson. My daughters were at my granddaughter's performance in Fiddler downtown that night, and obviously couldn't attend).

Point is, preparation, tightness, and timing are super-important. IMHO, there's only one way to properly prepare for a show - thoroughly. So yes, I couldn't agree more.

 

[Lola]

Point is, preparation, tightness, and timing are super-important. IMHO, there's only one way to properly prepare for a show - thoroughly. So yes, I couldn't agree more.

Thank you Les for seeing my vision. Ppl are lazy and aren’t prepared to spend time practicing and perfecting. No excuse is good enough in my books. I don’t want ppl like this in my band. I come prepared to play everything to the best of my ability why can’t they?

I am really starting to get very frustrated and disgusted as to why things are not coming to fruition. My radar an is in tune to see who I can find to put together something new.

I am going to txt the other guitar player and in a black n white manner tell him how I feel about things especially in regards to how we practice. This is just not cutting it.

 

[RickP]

I am going to txt the other guitar player and in a black n white manner tell him how I feel about things especially in regards to how we practice. This is just not cutting it.

Direct contact is wise, a phone call or face to face is even better if you can swing it. But any way you can get your honest opinion out there is worth it. At least you won’t hear “you should have said something!” if it deteriorates later.

Best of luck with him, I hope it comes out how you want it. Either way, it’s a solid move.

 

[JasonE]

I agree with spending the time at rehearsal tightening up a song and getting it right, as long as it isn't happening because someone didn't do their homework. It is a pet peeve of mine that each person needs to learn their parts at home before rehearsal. The rehearsal is for the band as a whole to perfect their playing of the song together. This usually ends up focusing on how to get into and out of the song and any parts that are a little more technical or difficult.

 

[Lola]

I just txt everyone in the band and said guys we need to talk. I just pointed out and asked them all, “where is this band going? I think we need to change things up.”So we can talk face to face. I will do this before I jump to any conclusions. Let’s clear the air and be all on the same page.

 

[jxe]

I just txt everyone in the band and said guys we need to talk. I just pointed out and asked them all, “where is this band going? I think we need to change things up.”So we can talk face to face. I will do this before I jump to any conclusions. Let’s clear the air and be all on the same page.

don’t make any moves without michael anthony.

 

[Lola]

Do you honestly think I am being out of line with my expectations of this band?

 

[jxe]

Do you honestly think I am being out of line with my expectations of this band?

as the ‘other guitarist‘ i expect to get a lot of kisses, otherwise no.

 

[Deleted member 5962]

Do you honestly think I am being out of line with my expectations of this band?

No, but listen to what Jason said above. I was just getting ready to post that. You HAVE to be on the same page with regards to how prepared you are when you get to band practice. You can’t have one guy thinking it’s time to practice and learn a song, and another showing up completely ready to play it perfectly. Then the second guy gets there and the first guy is just starting to learn the song. Get everyone on the same page with regard to what is expected at, and prior to, band rehearsal.

Now I get it, if you decide to add a new song, you might spend band time working things out at practice. But then go home and learn your part perfectly before the next one. IF, that is, that is what your band decides. Some bands like to get toget her and just jam, and learn songs together, and that’s ok too! But you have to be on the same page whichever way they want to do it.

 

[GuitarJammin]

No, but listen to what Jason said above. I was just getting ready to post that. You HAVE to be on the same page with regards to how prepared you are when you get to band practice. You can’t have one guy thinking it’s time to practice and learn a song, and another showing up completely ready to play it perfectly. Then the second guy gets there and the first guy is just starting to learn the song. Get everyone on the same page with regard to what is expected at, and prior to, band rehearsal.

Now I get it, if you decide to add a new song, you might spend band time working things out at practice. But then go home and learn your part perfectly before the next one. IF, that is, that is what your band decides. Some bands like to get toget her and just jam, and learn songs together, and that’s ok too! But you have to be on the same page whichever way they want to do it.

Yup gotta communicate. It goes a long way. I'm wrapping up a year here at the end of November with this cover band I'm in. Previously I had NEVER done covers, not even learning them for my own amusement. It's been a heck of a year and the band gets along great. We all communicate well, and we stress for everyone to relax, no need to make up stories...if you are too tired...you are too tired just say it. Our 5 piece band (and backup drummer) has been drama free internally. Girls from the outside...well....well...lol...I'm married so i get to dodge that part.

Expectations are pretty clear, play the song in the key we are playing it, 99%-110% like the album or GTFO. Being open to valid constructive criticism is a must in our band. Everyone is on board with that policy, we do the work together to achieve the goal so usually adding new songs can take time...BUT..everyone is stoked when we are done.

I provide a bass and all the guitar gear for the two main guitarists. Mostly because I like to make sure guitars are set up and I can troubleshoot my own stuff quickly if there are any issues. The guys always help me load up and unload at the gigs and on occasion will follow me home to help me load up or unload there too.

Our singer is a straight up cool guy. PRS guy as well. He plays a third guitar but its here and there. He manages all the gigs/payouts and approves and decides the set lists and set list additions.

@aashzz There's nothing wrong with stepping back just for a bit. Sell some gear and get something nice...heck I spent 08-21 all off stage mostly other than church stuff. If I hadn't stopped gigging I might not be playing PRS guitars today. My playing techniques changed some direction taking that step back.

One of the fun things I dove into on my bar gig hiatus was studio work....that was very cool...if you haven't went down that rabbit hole...well what are you waiting for? Even just doing it for fun will make you an even better musician as you try to get things nailed down.

 

[Texas_minor_blues]

I enjoy acoustic gigs and generally don't mind doing them. Full band gigs give me a headache. One thing you could consider is starting a Youtube channel where you live stream you playing. It fulfills you playing for yourself but also "playing out" to a degree, just my 2 cents

 

[alantig]

Do you honestly think I am being out of line with my expectations of this band?

To a degree, I think so. But I don't think you're wrong - it sounds like your goals/expectations don't necessarily align with theirs. And that's part and parcel of being in a band as opposed to having your band. To get what you want, you might have to become a band leader, not just a band member. And that's a whole different level of responsibility and control.

But I definitely think opening the communication is the move for now - it may be that others feel similarly (even if to a lesser degree) but don't want to step forward to say it.

Apologies if I've read any of the situation incorrectly.

 

[jxe]

To a degree, I think so. But I don't think you're wrong - it sounds like your goals/expectations don't necessarily align with theirs. And that's part and parcel of being in a band as opposed to having your band. To get what you want, you might have to become a band leader, not just a band member. And that's a whole different level of responsibility and control.

But I definitely think opening the communication is the move for now - it may be that others feel similarly (even if to a lesser degree) but don't want to step forward to say it.

Apologies if I've read any of the situation incorrectly.

so wanting the band to practice enough to be good enough to play out is a band leader thing? whose band is it when no one wants to practice?

 

[Tucson Thump]

Been thinking for the last few days, as I was kinda looking for a band again, and still kinda putting together a solo acoustic thing, and wondering why I'm not making more progress, when I realized - I don't really want to gig. It's a pain. It's OK to just play for my own enjoyment.

Now I have to figure where to go from here. There may be a purge, because I generally buy stuff with backup purposes in mind for gigging, and if I'm not into gigging, I may sell some stuff and consolidate with something higher end, just for me. We'll see...

FWIW, I can't see an outgoing personality with a bowler hat and a blue beard being satisfied sitting at home and playing.

 

[alantig]

so wanting the band to practice enough to be good enough to play out is a band leader thing? whose band is it when no one wants to practice?

No, but when your standards are higher than the rest of the band, that may be where you need to go. And their "good enough to play out" may not be your "good enough to play out". Heck, we've seen that play out in famous bands a lot of times. And I'm sure we've all seen bands playing out that we thought should still be at home rehearsing.