Amps Are Strange Substances

[László]

I mainlined my McCarty through my PRS amps today. I was so high afterward that I had to be physically restrained in a rubber room.

Doctors were called to come in and give me a prescription for a bad case of rhythm and blues.

"This man is addicted to amplifiers," I heard one of them say. "The disease is incurable, and unfortunately he will spend the rest of his life endlessly checking out tube amplifiers unless we..."

I was delirious and couldn't quite make out the rest of the plan for my treatment, but I think I heard the words "electroshock" and "to be monitored only through tube-based equipment."

It's the wrong diagnosis, of course. I'm not addicted to amplifiers. Amplifiers do something else for me. They take me to very remote, inaccessible places. Otherworldly places.

I'll bet a good amp does the same thing for you.

The docs have tried to cut me off from all sources of checking out amplifiers. No internet. So what? I'm actually creating this post via mental telepathy - and no guitar magazines.

Wait, the nurse just came in with a sedative. Aaaahhh. That helps.

But that won't stop me. I've mainlined too many guitar and amp combos. It's given me an Awareness Spectrum, kind of like the Spice Melange gave the Guild Navigators, or the Bene Gesserit in the Dune trilogy.

Ever hear about the "remote viewing" Stargate Project the CIA conducted in the 1970s? Well, it was real, and I was a participant. I won't say whether the CIA paid me to play through lots of guitar amps, and then remotely view secret information on other galaxies (that's still classified), but I did learn how to remotely view certain things and, of course, post about amps on the web without so much as touching a computer.

See how easy this is? Child's play if you're into the Amp Spice Melange.

Oh, I have to stop now. They're coming.

Shhhh. Don't say anything. I don't want them to know I can do this.

 

[László]

Special Forces Camp Kham Duc, Vietnam, near Laotian border, April, 1968.

"Sir, we have a cherry. He's just arrived for his tour."

"Have him come in, Sergeant." Looks at soldier who is all of 18 years old. "Where's your name tape, son?"

"Sir, it fell off my uniform on the plane, and I didn't have time to sew it on, sir! The name is Lesteban." Fumbles with his uniform pocket and pulls out name tape to show the officer in charge.

"Lesteban, huh. Let me see, you're in the wrong place, son. Your papers say you've been assigned to the Military Intelligence Corps."

"That can't be right, sir! Military Intelligence is an Oxymoron!"

"Well, you are to report to the 525th in Saigon. Good luck." The young soldier salutes and leaves.

The captain turns to the sergeant and asks, "Where do they dig up these numbskulls?"

 

[Dusty Chalk]

Aaaahhh.

I heard this in Pink Floyd's voice.

Yes, I know there isn't an actual 'pink floyd', it's just a character on an album. There'll be no more...

 

[László]

525th Military Intelligence Brigade, Saigon, April, 1968.

"What's this, sir?"

"This is the G-SGS-1965, perhaps the finest piece of military intelligence equipment ever devised, in its original military-specified, fuzzy-lined, tour-of-duty-grade, olive drab case."

"Sir, it looks like an electric guitar painted olive drab, sir!"

"Never refer to the G-SGS-1965 as an electric guitar again. This is military hardware, and you will refer to it by its official, United States Army, Military Intelligence nomenclature. Got that?"

"Yes, sir. And this piece of equipment in that larger box?"

"That is the F-bf-BSmn-1967 head, in full military olive drab, with mil-spec tour-of-duty grade olive drab flight case, and its accompanying cabinet loaded with two olive drab, military specified, EV-1967 forward-firing speakers. Understand?"

"Yes sir. What do I do with the G-SGS-1965 and the F-bf-BSmn-1967, sir?"

"Lesteban, you will learn the chords and the solos to the following songs, and you will learn them well enough to play them with your eyes closed, in fact, you will learn them well enough to play them in your sleep, as proficiently and professionally as any studio musician if not better. And when you have these learned you will report at once to me. Got that?"

"Yes, sir!"

"The songs are: Louie, Louie; the House of the Rising Sun; Day Tripper; Soul Man; and For What It's Worth. And you will learn these songs in the original key."

"Yes sir!"

"When you have finished, you get your butt in here, and you report for duty. You have exactly one week."

"I can learn those songs in a day, sir."

"I said one week. You will play them as well as they are played on the records, no excuses, no BS, do you read me?"

"Yes sir. One question for clarification, sir, if I may."

"Go ahead."

"Will there be a band?"

"Oh, there will be a band, but it won't be like any band you've ever been in. This is top secret. Do I make myself clear?!"

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

 

[Dusty Chalk]

 

[László]

525th Military Intelligence Brigade, Saigon, May, 1968.

"Reporting for duty, sir."

"Can you play all the songs exactly like the records?"

"Yes, sir."

"Show me." The soldier runs through all the songs, makes no mistakes.

"OK, then, you're going to be in the band. The catch is that each band member plays in the dark, in his own soundproof room. You can not hear each other play. The red light goes on, and you have to...well...the idea is to visualize the other players in your mind, and we pipe the music out of each room into a small mixing desk. But you can't hear it. That's up to us.

We'll let you know if and when you all play the song together. It's going to take some time. Got that?"

"Sir, it's impossible if we can't hear each other!"

"I don't take no for an answer, Lesteban. Now go into the room, and start visualizing. You'll get it eventually, or you'll find yourself walking point in the DMZ and wishing to hell you could spend this war in a dark room playing this got-damn G-SGS-1965."

 

[László]

Wisseloord Studio, Holland, 1997

"So, Les, how do you come to write these commercial soundtracks we're recording?" It was the voice of Jan, the studio's engineer.

"It comes to me in the dark, at night. I can't really explain it. First I memorize the picture, all of the details. I calculate a tempo based on clicks in the frame rate. And then I leave it alone until the next day. I can visualize it while I sleep. Then I just go with what I thought about in my dream state."

"How is that possible?"

"I hear...amplifiers."

"Dude, everyone hears amplifiers. They're loud."

"Not the ones I hear. The ones I hear are not...er....local."

 

[Kazz]

When should we expect your first novel, Les?

 

[László]

When should we expect your first novel, Les?

Hmmm....not sure that I'm capable of writing a novel anyone on earth would actually be interested in.

Here's my problem with this part of the forum: not enough people post here!

What is up, people? Are amps not all that interesting compared to guitars? I love amps! I find them so much more interesting than other parts of the guitarsenal.

 

[veinbuster]

Are amps not all that interesting compared to guitars? I love amps! I find them so much more interesting than other parts of the guitarsenal.

For me, the problem with amps is they occupy too much real estate. Guitars don't use up much of my space because there are lots of ways to tuck them away.
And there are so many choices, and so many options on how to use any one amp. That's a lot of mental energy if you really want to master it. I'm a bit afraid my head might explode.
Guitars are pretty simple. 6 tuners each of which has exactly one right place to be in before I start playing. Then a couple of knobs to twiddle - but I mostly just twiddle volume, which is pretty easy to understand.

 

[Boogie]

Ever hear about the "remote viewing" Stargate Project the CIA conducted in the 1970s?.

The Army's program was pretty comprehensive. And the technology has trickled down to some everyday applications, but never thought of using it for music. Brilliant.

 

[AP515]

Oh, this is an amp appreciation thread? I though it was a Military spoof thread.

I love fiddling with amps looking for that tone I hear in my head. I started with SS amps (like most) and settled on what I think is the better old school SS amp - the Peavey Bandit. Then I moved into tubes. A Fender hybrid with a SS preamp and two power tubes. It was a fixer upper off CL for $100. I got it working and it was a good platform for speaker swaps. Then what I thought was my Holy Grail showed up. The Mesa Single Rectoverb 1x12 combo for cheap. I ditched Sunday Services and drove 80 miles to pick her up before anyone else did. Now I was in hard rock territory. I was really happy until I saw a Lone Star 2x12 for trade. I let a McCarty go for it and I gotta say, I got the better of that trade. Warm and alive, with rich harmonic character. It won't do high gain though, so I still needed the Single Rec. I picked up an HRD to fix up along the way, and so I got to hear what Fender clean sounds like (and what HRD dirty sounds like ). I needed an amp I could take to guitar lessons I was teaching a youth group so I picked up a used Bugera V5 with a single tube and an 8 inch speaker. Not bad for a had carry amp but needs a pedal to get anything past crunch.

Then I traded a Mesa 5:25 for my first PRS amp. An SE50. A mom and pop place was trying to sell it and wasn't having much luck (maybe that's why they aren't made anymore). Man was that an improvement over the 5:25. I learned that I'm not a fan of EL84's but EL34's fit my style as well as 6L6's. Now finally we are at the last acquisition. The 2 channel H. After working with the "H" and the SE50, the Single rec is sterile and the Lone Star still sounds fabulous, but doesn't have the tonal range of the PRSi.

So now I have 6 amps and largely only play 2. I may have to let some go, but I'll take my time figuring it out.

And not a single order yelling sergeant in any of it!

 

[László]

Oh, this is an amp appreciation thread? I though it was a Military spoof thread.

I love fiddling with amps looking for that tone I hear in my head. I started with SS amps (like most) and settled on what I think is the better old school SS amp - the Peavey Bandit. Then I moved into tubes. A Fender hybrid with a SS preamp and two power tubes. It was a fixer upper off CL for $100. I got it working and it was a good platform for speaker swaps. Then what I thought was my Holy Grail showed up. The Mesa Single Rectoverb 1x12 combo for cheap. I ditched Sunday Services and drove 80 miles to pick her up before anyone else did. Now I was in hard rock territory. I was really happy until I saw a Lone Star 2x12 for trade. I let a McCarty go for it and I gotta say, I got the better of that trade. Warm and alive, with rich harmonic character. It won't do high gain though, so I still needed the Single Rec. I picked up an HRD to fix up along the way, and so I got to hear what Fender clean sounds like (and what HRD dirty sounds like ). I needed an amp I could take to guitar lessons I was teaching a youth group so I picked up a used Bugera V5 with a single tube and an 8 inch speaker. Not bad for a had carry amp but needs a pedal to get anything past crunch.

Then I traded a Mesa 5:25 for my first PRS amp. An SE50. A mom and pop place was trying to sell it and wasn't having much luck (maybe that's why they aren't made anymore). Man was that an improvement over the 5:25. I learned that I'm not a fan of EL84's but EL34's fit my style as well as 6L6's. Now finally we are at the last acquisition. The 2 channel H. After working with the "H" and the SE50, the Single rec is sterile and the Lone Star still sounds fabulous, but doesn't have the tonal range of the PRSi.

So now I have 6 amps and largely only play 2. I may have to let some go, but I'll take my time figuring it out.

And not a single order yelling sergeant in any of it!

Great story! I got started with amps before there was such a thing as a solid state amp, so...yeah, my mileage varies.

 

[Kazz]

Hmmm....not sure that I'm capable of writing a novel anyone on earth would actually be interested in.

Here's my problem with this part of the forum: not enough people post here!

What is up, people? Are amps not all that interesting compared to guitars? I love amps! I find them so much more interesting than other parts of the guitarsenal.

The problem for me is that I don't know enough about amps...I don't even have one. >_< I read the forum, and I've been trying to figure out how I can get ahold of an HX/DA and then probably later an Archon, but I've stuck with software models so far so I don't end up with a cheap piece of junk amp and questions from my girlfriend about why I need to spend all that money on an amp when I already have one...

So yeah...I have little to contribute on amps so far except regurgitated research, and that's why I don't post much in here.

I'm guessing there are a lot more people out there (and in here) with PRS guitars than PRS amps.

 

[veinbuster]

Interesting Kazz.
I starting to think a good modeller and quality profiles might be a reasonable way to test out a very wide palette and narrow down what amps might be good candidates for ownership.

 

[László]

Interesting Kazz.
I starting to think a good modeller and quality profiles might be a reasonable way to test out a very wide palette and narrow down what amps might be good candidates for ownership.

They can be instructive, if the models are very good, and if they can be dialed in like a real amp (some can, some can't), but a very big problem is that they utterly lack the feel of the real amp, and how an amp responds to your playing is so important.

A good example is that Tweed model I did a demo of the McCarty with the other day. It sounds pretty good, but it's not really like a real Tweed amp, and moreover, the feel was completely off and threw my playing off.

So...you have to take all this stuff with modelers as "exploring a direction."

 

[veinbuster]

They can be instructive, if the models are very good, and if they can be dialed in like a real amp (some can, some can't), but a very big problem is that they utterly lack the feel of the real amp, and how an amp responds to your playing is so important.

A good example is that Tweed model I did a demo of the McCarty with the other day. It sounds pretty good, but it's not really like a real Tweed amp, and moreover, the feel was completely off and threw my playing off.

So...you have to take all this stuff with modelers as "exploring a direction."

Thanks Les.
That isn't unexpected, but it it helps narrow down from a huge field of choice it might be useful - or at least an excuse to sort of buy a bunch of different amps in a pretty small package. I don't really need anything else, but I'm expecting to have time to explore some new directions fairly soon.

 

[sergiodeblanc]

... but a very big problem is that they utterly lack the feel of the real amp

That's why I put Tolex on all my modelers.

 

[veinbuster]

That's why I put Tolex on all my modelers.

Tolex? No Gucci or Louis scraps?
Don't make me come over there.

 

[László]

So for my next trick, I want to talk about effects loops. I'm going to start another thread.