“Who’s the fullback, Jim?”
“Well, that’s 6 four, 275 pound, Joe Doakes, Bill. He’s a redshirt freshman back from Iowa who’s carried the ball for 1320 yards this season, 86 of them coming against the Mighty Mollusks, and in addition he has 7 touchdowns for the U of P Poopmeisters. Coach Kadiddlehopper is really high on this kid.”
“Jim, he’s in for another score. Hello Heisman!”
People love stats.
“Tell me about this guitar, Ron.”
“Hey, Joe...that’s a 7.1 lb. PRS McCarty, with a 25” scale length, two splittable humbuckers, and a BRW fretboard.”
“Pretty impressive.”
“Sure is, Joe. In fact, that guitar had 14 takes and two tracks of its own on the Critter People’s record, ‘In A Gadda Da Beatle. It’s signed on the back by the entire band. The original case retired a few years ago after some career-ending injuries, but this guitar was joined by a brand new case only last season.”
“The case’s retirement must have been something of a blow to the band, Ron.”
“Yes, but the band wishes it the best in its retirement, and after 5 years on the Tour, the case is now in the booth as a commentator for radio HXDA.”