A Compendium Of Truly Terrible Dad Jokes

[Daryl Jones]

The three brothers (Ray, Roy and I) did a 50th Anniversary Celebration for our parents in 1992. Typically there were some words spoken by friends and relatives, and my Dad, was never one to miss out on a witty reply, he blessed us with this ditty:
"The boys all told me that there were to be no gifts at this function, and I'm going to tell you all why. Raymond just bought a new RV, and it was so expensive that he didn't have anything left over for Mother and I. Roy just got a new jet boat, and he's stretched real tight. Daryl just got a new motorcycle so he has no money left for anything. So boys, let me share a small secret with you tonight...it's time I came clean and told you all that your mother and I were never married."
There was a rather pregnant pause, and then Raymond stood and looked at Dad and said:
"So you're telling us that we three boys are actually bastards?"
Dad sternly replied:
"Yes son, that is true...and damned cheap ones if I do say so!"

 

[Tr'j]

Ouch!

 

[Tr'j]

Funny

 

[Tr'j]

Hey kids,
Have any spare belly buttons?
Put them in the Navel Reserve!

 

[aamefford]

What did the zero say to the eight?

That belt looks good on you

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

‘Cause seven ate nine…

 

[Austin_Taunt]

My wife said i should start doing lunges to get back in shape. That would be a big step forward.

 

[dmatthews]

I was born in a log cabin that I helped my father build.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

I was born in a log cabin that I helped my father build.

I was born under a bad sign!

 

[László]

I was born in a log cabin that I helped my father build.

I was born under a bad sign!

I was created in a mad scientist's lab.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

I dated a girl called Agnes years ago. She was one of a pair of twins. People asked how I told her apart from her twin. I told them Agnes had long red hair and her brother Donald had a c**k!

 

[bodia]

I dated a girl called Agnes years ago. She was one of a pair of twins. People asked how I told her apart from her twin. I told them Agnes had long red hair and her brother Donald had a c**k!

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

 

[Prs Mods too]

I was going to be a doctor but I had no patience.

 

[Alnus Rubra]

My friends Dad used to call 9:50 “cowboy time”.

I asked why. He replied:

“Ten-ta-ta ten ta-ta ten ten ten…”

 

[László]

I dated a girl called Agnes years ago. She was one of a pair of twins. People asked how I told her apart from her twin. I told them Agnes had long red hair and her brother Donald had a c**k!

Terrible, bordering on completely embarrassing. Thus appropriate for this thread.

 

[Wakester]

I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway

You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll.

 

[aamefford]

I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway

You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll.

Nice!

 

[Deleted member 5962]

You guys are making me realize just how funny I really am!

 

[SamIV]

Did not read all here, so this might be a repeat.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

 

[Prs Mods too]

What do you call someone who is standing on the toilet?

High on pot.

 

[László]

You guys are making me realize just how funny I really am!

Don't quit your day job.