A Compendium Of Truly Terrible Dad Jokes

alantig

Zombie Four, DFZ
Joined
Apr 28, 2012
Messages
13,671
Since someone started it...

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.



What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.



What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the pool?

Bob.



What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the porch?

Matt.
 

alantig

Zombie Four, DFZ
Joined
Apr 28, 2012
Messages
13,671
A woman with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach watching the sunset, sobbing quietly to herself. A man walks by, sees her crying, kneels beside her and said, "Ma'am, are you okay?"

She says, "Yeah, I'm just kind of feeling sorry for myself."

He says, "Well, I mean, given your condition, I'd think it's natural to have some self-pity from time to time."

She says, "No, it's not that. I've learned to adapt to my handicaps, and I've been quite successful at living a fairly normal life. It's just that..."

The guy waits a few seconds, then finally says, "Just what?"

She says, "Well, this is a bit embarrassing, but...I'm 43 years old, and I've had a few relationships. Made out a few times, but...well, I'm a virgin. I've never been screwed."

The guy grins, looks around and sees they're alone, and says, "Well, I think I can help you out. If you'd like, of course."

She says, "That would be great!"

The guy stands up, reaches down and lifts her up, cradling her gently in his arms. He carries her to the water, where he promptly tosses her in and yells, "You're screwed now!"
 
Top