A Compendium Of Truly Terrible Dad Jokes

"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"


"Better let him out."

When I was in junior high, my dad and I took a week to go fishing in the upper peninsula. On the long drive up, he told me about his days working as the assistant manager at the local grocery store when he was younger, people would prank call asking for Prince Albert in a can.

One night on our trip, we decided to treat ourselves and go out to eat at the local greasy spoon. The kind of place that has old timey memorabilia on the walls. Including, of course, a pristine example of a can of Prince Albert tobacco.
There was Dad, and his humor, which I inherited:


Then there was my own brand of humor (available at www.vermontcountrystore.com):

Attention Moderators! "Cringe" emoji needed, ASAP!!! :eek:

Now CP, I know you have a bit of an unusual sense of humor, so this is most definitely not the first time. Or second. Or... ok, we're into 3 digits here! But you lost me on this one. And, from the picture, I'm *almost* afraid to ask...
DTR, you won't likely find it on YT (I've searched), so you'd need to do a google search for Artie Johnson & Ruth Buzzi, of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In fame.

The two of them many years ago did sketches of Artie dressed as an old man with hat, white gloves, cane, and overcoat. Ruth usually sat prim and proper on a park bench, saggy stockings, dowdy old ladies dress, hair pinned back in a bun, clutch purse in hand.

Artie would always approach Ruth and make suggestive comments to her that would get her dander up, and she'd smack Artie with her purse across the chest, head, wherever she could reach. Artie, in turn, would eventually keel over after being smacked numerous times, and groan softly in pain.

The famous pickup line Artie often employed was, "Care to see my walnettos?"

Well, my reality is that I'm nothing like Artie Johnson, and would never dream of picking up women in this manner. BUT, for a single guy who currently lives in senior housing, it's great conversation piece when people visit.

My only concern is that I once had one of my congregation traveling overseers visit with his wife for luncheon several years ago. He thankfully (and graciously) didn't mention the Walnetto tin, but I'm sure he got a (gasp) and chuckle out of it knowing he was of the same era and before...
My father (RIP) took the cake when it came to truly terrible Dad Jokes. They were all eye-rollers - every single one, without exception.

In any given situation, the question wasn't whether an impossibly bad Dad Joke would slip out of my father's brain and into the world, as though he couldn't control what came out of his mouth.

Nope, not a question. It was a certainty. The only question was, "Which one will spring forth from the brain, given the circumstances?" Here's an example:

My mother [coming in from outdoors]: "It's nice out!"

My father's immediate reply: "Then I'll leave it out."


Me, after a sunburn:: "My face hurts."

My father: "It's killing me."

Variation on a theme:

One of my brothers: "It hurts when I do this."

My father: "Then don't do that."

- Alternate joke in same situation -

My father: "Bring me a hammer and put your hand on the table."

My brother: "Why?"

My father: "So you don't think about the other thing that hurts."

My mother: "Why don't you ask my friend's daughter [insert name of daughter] out?"

My father: "Oh, she's a real doll. A Yisgadol." (First word in Aramaic prayer for the dead).

Anyone: "What day is it again?"

My father: "It'll be Tuesday, all day."


You have your own, no doubt. I think they should be preserved somewhere. Perhaps this thread is the place?

Your dad and mine listened to the same comedians. He was born in 1937.

How many calories do you burn when you run away from your responsibilities and your problems?