4000 posts about nothing...

[dmatthews]

Yes, it's that time again.
Last time we did 1000 posts about nothing, but that was 3000 posts ago. This time we can quadruple the output!
This thread is started because I've posted over 4000 wastes of ones and zeros... 4000 piles of carp. 4000 bunches of junk, dad jokes, puns, congrats, and other various and sundry bollocks.

In any case, it's about a story. A story of great magnitude.
A story of heroes and valor, spanning time itself.
No character is safe.
I'll start...

 

[dmatthews]

Valerie sensed danger. She didn't know why...
Perhaps it was that taco she ate in Chicago, or maybe that person following her in that Mercedes in the pouring rain...
She turned the corner... apprehensive.
Who was that she wondered? And at that point it became all too clear.
She slowed down and pulled to the curb... waiting for the car behind to catch up as the rain pelted the windshield...
The follower got out of his car and came to her window.
It was true...

 

[goat-n-gitter]

...She had left the restaurant without paying for her lunchtime "Speedy Gonzales" special, and the restaurateur was fit to be tied! There was no way a mere $6.98 plus tip was going to assuage his anger (not to mention all the gas his old Merc drank chasing her down). No, he was after a whole lot more than just restitution....

 

[Alnus Rubra]

His dank, lifeless hair stuck to this face as he approached her car. His “Monty Python-esque” gait brought a ripple of a smile across Valerie’s face.

As he drew close, she smelt a faint odour of lemon oil and fret restorer.

Could it be.....

 

[dmatthews]

Her hopes were dashed when Carlos handed her the bill. His wry smile couldn't hide his disdain for Valerie as she fumbled for her purse.
Black Magic Woman came on the radio as she handed over a ten dollar bill.
Carlos played a little air guitar as he walked away from a deflated Valerie.
She turned the key, flicked on the wipers again, and headed south...
Towards...

 

[11top]

....Markie's basement in hopes of finding the holy grail of pernambuco neck guitars. But alas! Upon reaching the promised land, Valerie discovered that the pernies had taken flight to destinations (kind of) unknown. Completely crest fallen and exasperated (and still $10 poorer), she turned to the only source she knew to find those immortal instruments..........THE PRS OFFICIAL FORUM! Yes! Oh yes!!! OH YES!!!!! (Did I mention "Oh yes!"? Think Madeline Kahn from Young Frankenstein or rather "Fraankensteen").

She knew there would be answers there, so she immediately contacted...........

 

[László]

...the ghost of...

 

[11top]

....Les Schefman...........but wait! It appeared that Les was still alive and kicking (just another miracle, I guess). And Les, who has the greatest combined number of posts and likes in Forum history, went into a trance for 37 seconds. When he snapped out of it, he looked at Valerie, and said "Voila!" That's right.........he said "Voila!" but I'm not sure why exactly................Anyway, he looked at Valerie through slits in his eyelids and offered the following advice...........................

 

[dmatthews]

If you seek the pernie, bucko, you must follow the path.
Valerie fell to her knees... she wasn't sure she...

 

[Big Norm]

... should be doing this as it’s a family forum. It occurred to her that someone could possibly save her from being banned by ...

 

[Wakester]

Shawn awoke with a start, as the questionable content meter on his desktop computer began to dance in the Yellow Zone. Clicking the silence button, he slipped to the floor and into downward dog. Yoga time came early today, but who was to blame for his early start? Maybe it was...

 

[Alnus Rubra]

........Paul, who had slipped into a silk kimono and was ready to begin. He strode into Shawn's studio, he took one glance at Shawn's outfit:

"REALLLLLLY?!

He quipped sarcastically.

"Can you really pull off that color?"

Shawn looked sheepishly at his boss and said:

.....

 

[pac90]

But its vertical stripes boss, vertical stripes...and

 

[11top]

.....“hey, isn’t that Valarie? What’s she doing with Les?”.....

 

[Tucson Thump]

And so the Quest Of The Fellowship Of The Pernie began. However no one had ....

 

[merciful-evans]

" valerie" Huh? "valerie...." What was that? "valerie, its me Lulu" Did I just hear something? Nah! Must've imagined it.
"valerie, it me Lulu. listen to me. wake up "

 

[Tucson Thump]

Valerie blinked .... or she was dreaming she blinked. She wasn't sure what was real or what was dreamtime. The only thing she knew was there was something magical she had to remember; 24.594. What could it mean?

 

[bodia]

She shuddered as she realized it was Les' inseam, and that she had to get to Joanne's Fabric post haste to buy enough cloth to make....

 

[Deli6505]

Meanwhile, somewhere downtown, Rex realized why it wasn't a good idea to drink a large chocolate milk after eating two chili burritos...

 

[dmatthews]

24,594 trips to the washroom later, Rex remembered his date with Valerie... he hoped Les wouldn't mind as he...