Today I decided, "It's wrong to hoard these guitars. But out of sheer generosity of spirit, I should give them to deserving young players instead of selling them!" So I loaded them into the back of my Jeep and headed downtown with the entire lot. I was determined to give joy to the world.
I set up a sign that said, "Open Audition. Get A Free Guitar If You Can Play It."
I opened the back of the car. Then I pulled the CU24 30th Anniversary PS case out, and opened up the case to show the guitar. The one person who came to look threw a couple of quarters into the case, thinking I was a street performer.
I gave her the quarters back.
I waited for 3 hours, and no one asked for a guitar tryout. Instead, I got comments like, "No one plays guitar any more, Boomer!"
One pretty young woman said, "Guitars, huh? What are they for?"
'They're kind of like bagpipes," I answered.
She said, "I don't know what those are for either." "They're similar to accordions, only different," I said. She gave me a puzzled look, and walked on. At the end of the day I couldn't give my guitars away, So I packed them up and took them all home.
I told my wife what I did, and she called the police.
"My husband has lost his mind, and went downtown to try to give his guitars away. I think he might have dementia and needs help. The guitars are worth a lot of money!"
The officer answering the phone said, "What's a guitar?"
"It's kind of like a nice antique," said my wife.
"Ah, yeah, we don't come out for antique stuff any more. Antiques are out, '80s modern is in. Haven't you seen a recent Pottery Barn catalog?"
My wife hung up. She looked at me, like, 'WTF'.
I smiled sheepishly. "Maybe I'm not so crazy after all," I remarked.
"Oh no, you're freaking nuts," she said, "but tell me something - what's a guitar again?"
